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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..40414243444546..599Next> |
#302558 (36/44) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Carlambor> when I was in primary school in handcraft classes, I said to my teacher "Will i get an A if I carve your portrait out of wood with a knife?" and he said "it's forbidden to make pictures of god" |
#104113 (156/210) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Opef> Bahh, screw you, free speech-to-text software.
<Opef> How the fuck does "hair straighteners" sound like "whore stranglers" anyway? |
#309372 (241/323) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Killswitch> 1. Go to 3 random YouTube videos
<Killswitch> 2. Write "I'm pretty sure this is trance, not house."
<Killswitch> 3. Wait for a war to start.
<_tca> oh hey look another american trying to start wars for no reason |
#299680 (78/102) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TugC> hey anyone want some freshly tested proxies?
<Syn> yes
<TugC> xxxxxxxx.com/xxxxxx
<Xero> i want some too TugC
<Xero> holy
<Xero> fucking
<TugC> i tested all of them today in charon
<Xero> HEY
<TugC> what
<Xero> ONE OF THOSE IS MY SERVERS IP
<Xero> YOU FUCKING FUCK |
#299789 (492/670) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< yaoi_prophet> haha this guy sitting next to me is playing touhou in class
< PoopOnaShoe> this nerd next to me is chatting on irc or something
< Rabbi-Work> these two guys next to me keep looking at each other's screens |
#308003 (265/357) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<kuyler> This voice recognition kind of socks |
#300971 (380/516) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Monotone> wtf is this shit? you're telling me I spent my entire military career physically attaching 25 year old encryption devices to my body and treating night vision equipment like it was the holy grail of sensitive technology
<Monotone> and an insurgent can basically just log on to a live feed from any US aircraft's FLIR?
<Monotone> face
<Monotone> meet palm
<Monotone> "fielded so fast that it was done with an unencrypted signal. It could be both intercepted (e.g. hacked into) and jammed"
<Monotone> WE NEED THIS NOW HERE'S A CHECK NO WE DON'T CARE THAT IT'S MISSING FUNDAMENTAL FEATURES
<Monotone> thank fuckin christ we're not fighting the Chinese, those hacker units from C&C Generals would sell our entire fleet of aircraft on Ebay and bog down SIPRNET with penis-enlargement spam two weeks into the conflict |
#194985 (164/218) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<MetallicFurby> don't worry mate, there's always other fish in the sea
<Stueh> Yeah, but you're not in the sea
<Stueh> You're in the middle of the fucking desert
<Stueh> Alone.
<MetallicFurby> Dude, wtf? |
#255326 (370/502) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<rmuser> one time when I was a kid I must have pissed off my mom's husband because he was like, "don't make me take my belt off"
<rmuser> I didn't understand the implications of this
<rmuser> so I was like, "but then your pants will fall down" |
#71440 (587/801) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<A_SN> lol wtf, from the english "Earth" article on Wikipedia
<A_SN> "It is the largest planet in the world."Comment: http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Earth&oldid=85281232
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#68026 (325/439) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Error_404: heh, everyone in this building except me is so nice
Error_404: their wifi BSSID's are all like... "dad's computer" or "smith family" or the default names
Error_404: and then mine's FUCKYOUDONTTOUCHMYSHIT |
#61284 (472/642) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rod> that would be a great scientific experiement
<Rod> get 100 muslims and 100 christians. tell them each to say "the lord will protect me!" and jump off a building
<Rod> religion with the highest number of survivors wins
<Rod> if survivors tie at 0, pick 2 more religions, repeat. |
#58565 (440/598) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<s1r> so i thought i was listening to some grungy, industrial-goth-metal mix for the last two hours.
<s1r> turns out my radio just has really shitty reception. |
#57867 (454/618) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Blabber> i just started working out, to get me some muscle and feel confident
<Blabber> so after the first time, i come home and look at myself in the mirror
<Blabber> to see if there is already improvement
<Blabber> my mom steps in and says "you look good enough to play in a warmovie"
<Blabber> so she boosts my confidence and i say thx! like a sergeant you mean?
<Blabber> and i swear to god then she says: no like a concentration camp victim
<Blabber> she left the room laughing her ass off... |
#56099 (366/496) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Qwote> I just found out how the universe is going to end.
<Hax0r> how?
<Qwote> Someone will put two mirrors together and leave them alone lone enough that the universe will run out of stack space, and a universal segmentation fault will occour. |
#35085 (496/676) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rjx> my mom wrote out her shopping list and stuck it on the door
<Rjx> and my older brother in identical handwriting wrote "buy magnets" at the bottom
<Rjx> and now she's confused because she can't remember why she wanted to buy magnets |
#49717 (465/633) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<labala> i like teh leet pie
<looksofat> stfu, nobody likes you here
<@nobody> wtf, no i dont |
#49568 (616/842) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DJ-Mike> ATTETNION
<DJ-Mike> DJ MIKE
<DJ-Mike> WILL BE ON
<TempestxJuggalo> a dick
<DJ-Mike> IN A MATTER OF MINUTES |
#48972 (580/792) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<trev0r> we were meant to be handing in our coursework in english today
<trev0r> and this one jackass calls out: 'i didn't do it'
<trev0r> the teacher's mad and, you know, wants an explanation
<trev0r> the jackass simply says: 'i was too busy getting laid to do it last night'
<trev0r> and before i could even process that sentence the teacher fires back:
<trev0r> 'now that we've discussed 10 seconds of your evening, why haven't you done this work?'
<trev0r> now, the class is starting to laugh, but this dude isn't budging
<trev0r> he pauses, then, as the laughing subsides, he gives a wry smile and simply says:
<trev0r> 'you should know, you were there with me, miss...'
<trev0r> the class is gone by now, but the teacher is on fire today
<trev0r> she looks around and says:
<trev0r> 'i know, and i never got paid'
<trev0r> the jackass runs out of the class hiding the tears as the rest of us are in fits |
#42941 (431/585) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<rompiku> I think I am going to wait until the hacker is in my computer, then I will disconnect from the internet and trap him inside |
#36918 (304/410) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<GLC> I saw this banner... with a chick saying "do you want to meet me?"
<GLC> and there was a "yes" button and a "no" button
<GLC> I clicked "no"
<GLC> and it took me to an IQ test website
<GLC> wtf |
#32208 (360/488) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<cayde> It's getting harder to get a summer job these days
<tam> cayde: maybe cos it is winter? |
#12112 (299/403) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<zfact0r> I was playing Monopoly last night when I was drunk and I paid a chick 500 bucks in Monopoly Money for a blowjob. |
#12193 (422/574) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<missing> a chick walks by, u wish u could sex her
<missing> but ya standin on the wall like u was poindexter!
<akaIDIOT> since when is sex a verb?
<corngrits> i had sex
<corngrits> isnt that a verb ?
<ceraph> no, thats a miracle |
#27151 (354/480) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Ali: do they sell dildos on overstock?
Tim: lol, i don't know
Tim: why?
Tim: gonna get a gift for your gf?
Ali: everything i buy on that site, i'm gonna add dildo to the list
Ali: so that it shows up for every product
Ali: people who purchased... "the bible" also purchased... "travel reading lamp" .. "jesus loves all the little children" ... "clear plastic dildo" ... "a kid's guide to the bible" |
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