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#115317 (1932/2122) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Zemyla> Did I tell you about what my friend Joe did in auto shop?
<Zemyla> He was working with an arc welder, and the welder tip got stuck to the metal.
<Zemyla> He knew this was a bad thing, so he grabs a hammer and hits the metal to get the tip off.
<Zemyla> Then when he pulls back, lightning arcs from the metal to the hammer.
<Zemyla> The teacher notices this, and yells, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
<Zemyla> And Joe bellows, "I AM THOR!", brandishes the hammer, and shocks the fuck out of the guy next to him.
Comment: #cmc on Nightstar
#28309 (1097/1201) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Boogieman> and I saw a girl and was like "hey baby, you lookin' for a good time"
<Boogieman> and she said "yes"
<Boogieman> and I just sorta stared
<Boogieman> cause I don't usually get that far
<Boogieman> and I didn't have anything to say
#137652 (1339/1467) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> Foster brought a client down to the basement today
<Trinexx> I was wearing that fucking hat they decided to make me wear
<Trinexx> my hair in a ponytail
<Trinexx> this shiteating client sees me, thinks I'm a chick
<Trinexx> says "hey baby, are you having fun?"
<Trinexx> I ignore the asswad
<Trinexx> he walks up behind me, puts his hand on my shoulder, and repeats the question
<Trinexx> I turn around, look him dead in the eye, and say in my deepest voice possible "Yeah honey, now that you're here"
<Trinexx> guy nearly jumped out of his skin
#297753 (1855/2039) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Seth> We were out fishing one time, and I was like, "So what would you do if I was dating your daughter?"
<Seth> And he goes, "I'd kill you."
<Seth> Straight faced, too. ;(
<Seth> And then he pulls out a knife, still straight faced.
<Seth> And then goes, "Just kidding man. She already told me."
<Seth> I damn near shit myself. ;<
#302132 (1119/1227) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<scgtrp> guys!
<scgtrp> someone make me fall asleep :/
<PhantmShado> ok, once upon a time
<PhantmShado> there was a guy named scgtrp
<PhantmShado> and it was late
<PhantmShado> but he wasn't asleep
<PhantmShado> so he went to irc
<PhantmShado> and was all "guys!  someone make me fall asleep :/"
<PhantmShado> so a guy named PhantmShado said
<PhantmShado> "Once upon a time
<PhantmShado> there was a guy name scgtrp
<PhantmShado> and it was late
* Dritz has kicked PhantmShado (no recursion)
<scgtrp> i was enjoying that story >:(
#302675 (43/45) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<^[> if i get a new machine i've got everything else planned out for my old parts
<^[> the old desktop turns into a render box
<^[> the old render box turns into a fileserver
<^[> the old fileserver turns into a flowerpot
<^[> and the old flowerpot goes outside because i haven't watered it in like 9 months and the plants have been long dead
#310406 (490/534) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@pronto> Last night my friend asked to use a USB port to charge his cigarette, but I was using it to charge my book.
<@pronto> The future is stupid.
#295827 (1429/1571) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<paul> my mom was suspected of child abuse by my pediatrician as a kid
<paul> she swore up and down i wasn't being abused
<paul> the doctor was sceptical
<paul> they went out into the waiting room where I was
<paul> mom was like "paul, come here!"
<paul> I get up, look at her instead of where I was going, and run full tilt into a pole
<paul> doctor's like "sorry maam, you had to see this from my position"
#310172 (219/237) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Bike> i'm ten pages in to an ethernet-phy manual and i'm pretty sure the internet is impossible
#300704 (1849/2033) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ebert4> i dun thnk th assinments in 4 2moro
<kajx> lol kk
<kajx> i ws lik shiting myslef
<Scrawl> The English language is dead at your feet, blood leaking from the chainsaw wounds in its chest as you ejaculate over its mangled corpse.
<ebert4> wtf dud
#301278 (986/1080) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<DaynaGirl> I had an app once... it adjusted your volume to full in all regards... then screamed out into the darkness "Hey!!! Look at me!!!  I'm watching PORN over here!!!"
<DaynaGirl> then it kindly returned everything back to normal settings.
<reiser> hahaha DaynaGirl
<zarko> DaynaGirl: i believe i saw such a web site
<zarko> it opened dozens of windows, filled with gay porn, and played that msg repetitively
<zarko> well, it said "GAY porn"
<DaynaGirl> I thought it was so funny... I renamed it "DaynaNude.Exe" and kept a copy on the desktop.
<DaynaGirl> one night at about 2am... I'm awoken to the app playing...
<DaynaGirl> I rush out to my puter to find my mother turning forty shades of purple...
#300771 (951/1043) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[Marcus] : So I'm filling out an injury report for one of our stunt men...
[Greta] : Oh no what happened?
[Marcus] : He busted his nose in a stunt no big deal it happens.  But the answers for the questions on the forms...
[Marcus] : How did the employee injure himself: his head was getting pushed into a toilet.
[Marcus] : Would this be a common work place injury: yes
[Marcus] : Statement made by employee: it's ok john, next week I get to hit you with a car
#298212 (1010/1108) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
CoJaBo> Tho technicly, if its combusting at a subsonic rate, its called defloration..
RADiX> Thanks, Ill fix it on the way to class :)
! RADiX has quit (Leaving).
CoJaBo> *Deflagration, lol that would have been bad o_O
CoJaBo> uh-oh...
#300794 (2721/2995) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Nub> Can someone explain to me how cells divide?
<K4rli> o
<K4rli> 0
<K4rli> 8
<K4rli> oo
#302899 (892/980) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> What are you trying to hide?
<asaph> Nothing that needs encryption, I just want it to be tricky to find.
<Pryoidain> got a separate /tmp partion?
<asaph> of course.
<Pryoidain> unmount it then copy shit to /tmp. It will actually copy it to the /tmp directory on the ROOT filesystem. then when you remount /tmp, the directory becomes a pointer, pointing to the real one, but without removing any of your files in the physical directory on the root system.
<Pryoidain> No one will ever find them unless /tmp fails to mount, or they're looking for it. even if they're looking for it, they'll see them in /tmp and assume their garbage, that is if you name them right.
<asaph> ...that's fucking genius.
<Pryoidain> I know, I've been hiding my porn under the /boot directory for about 3 years now.
#68976 (1171/1287) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<iV> close call tonight
<iV> on my way home from work, and this guy comes out of this alley in front of me, then runs towards me and shoves me down on the ground
<iV> he has a pistol in his hand and says "why'd you do it? tell me why i shouldn't fucking kill you right now!"
<iV> then he stops, looks at me and starts laughing...
<iV> he helps me up and he's like "haha sorry man i thought you were this other dude...whew glad i noticed the difference."
<iV> and he goes back into the alley
<iV> seriously..wtf
#155550 (3291/3635) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<TEHd> walkin home last night from the bars, reasonably wasted, stumbling everywhere, etc.
<TEHd> cop pulls up alongside me and charlie
<TEHd> says "You boys been drinking tonight?" in a pissed off, you're getting a ticket voice
<TEHd> charlie stares directly in his eyes, waves his hand in front of him and says "these are not the drunks you are looking for, move along"
<TEHd> cop laughs his ass off and drives away
#62116 (1192/1310) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Pie> unemployment rocks
<@Commander> you got fired?
<@Pie> long story
<@Commander> well, you're not going anywhere
#296968 (1361/1501) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<rmrfResume> So let me get this straight.
<rmrfResume> You built a linux system from scratch using hardened GCC
<rmrfResume> secured the whole system with RSBAC
<rmrfResume> Developed private chroots for each and every service ran on it
<rmrfResume> which include an http, ftp, smtp, pop3, imap, irc, and dyndns server
<rmrfResume> WITH mail filtering and dynamic mysql databases for each service
<rmrfResume> with the mysql daemon in its own chroot
<rmrfResume> then did same system networking for the whole lot
<rmrfResume> and had everything running in a single night?
<Pryoidain> I do cocaine.
<cjk> oh
<asaph[Away]> WOW
<rmrfResume> suddenly it all makes sense.
#311141 (129/139) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<slidercrank> is that true that Spanish programmers have to write ¡ along with ! in their code? such as "while (¡var!) {..}" The same with the ternary operator: a=¿b>0? b; -b;Comment: ##c++:
#305330 (1496/1652) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Hadley> PONY WANNA SEE MY DICK
<Pony> no, hadley. I am strictly in the vagina business
<Hadley> Pony: you should consider expanding your market!  i have some brochures about the penis market, if you'd like
<Pony> why have more penis if you already have one yourself
<Pony> it's like buying a second iphone. it's pointless and not usefull
<Hadley> Pony: like the iphone, a penis lacks multitasking, which is where investing in multiples comes in handy
<Pony> then it's still overkill, hadley. the second one should be an ipad or ipod in that case
<Hadley> Pony: so... if i get the analogy correctly... you're only interested in a penis if it's twice as big as your current one?
<Pony> yes
<Hadley> THEN HAVE I GOT GREAT NEWS FOR YOU
#297192 (1065/1173) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<aestetix> This is more of a good birthday present idea which lead to my mate getting dumped by his GF.
<aestetix> She couldn't afford buying him a bday present, so she gave him a bunch of slips for meals, massages, blowjobs etc.
<aestetix> She dumped him because for weeks he'd pull out a blowjob slip everytime they'd have an argument.
#116245 (3067/3405) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> Holy crap that was awkward...
<Trinexx> neighbour of mine called and asked me to attend a surprise party she was throwing for her husband
<Trinexx> About 30 minutes after he showed up, she announced to him and the rest of us that she was pregnant.
<Trinexx> Mike says "Honey, I've been meaning to tell you, but..."
<Trinexx> "I'm sterile."
<Trinexx> I grabbed my coat and left.
#299054 (1675/1855) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Aforwolf> ANNA
<Aforwolf> ANNA
<Aforwolf> COME HERE
<Aforwolf> I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING FANTASTIC
<kinganna> ?
<Aforwolf> if we speak in a code
<Aforwolf> where we change every letter to the next letter of the alphabet
<Aforwolf> anna becomes
<Aforwolf> boob
<kinganna> I think we should stop being friends.
#141669 (2270/2514) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(@Gunrun) Pringles are clever
(@Gunrun) they're like... self regulating
(@Gunrun) if you can't fit your hand into the tube to get more
(@Gunrun) then you probably shouldn't be getting more anyway
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