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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..32333435363738..599Next> |
#310012 (109/139) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Killswitch> I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros |
#305324 (495/655) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Pomax> 20 years from now, someone is going to have the radical idea to give users access to the underlying OS, rather than to the browser API, and he will be heralded a revolutionary.
<Pomax> All manner of programming languages will pop up that work outside "the browser", giving access to "offline" applications, storing files in "user space", even perhaps running in something called "kernel mode".
<Pomax> It'll be a brave new world.
<Mirell> It's scary that's believable. |
#294457 (636/844) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<khonsu> I dunno, I gave up on the LoTR books :P
<Madda> Oh
<Madda> Yeah, but that's understandable
<Madda> Tolkien makes wonderful worlds.
<Madda> But in terms of actually writing the stories?
<Madda> He's not so good.
<Valtieri> Madda: And goes on about 'em for 50 pages :P
<Madda> So, yeah, like, they were travelling.
<Madda> It was a clear day.
<Madda> The sun was high in the sky.
<Madda> The road they were walking on was lined with trees.
<Madda> The trees? They were like elm or something.
<Madda> Oh? What's on them? Well...
<Madda> It's like an uneventful part of a D&D game being run by a good DM but with a bunch of paranoid players.
<khonsu> hahaha
<khonsu> perfect
<Madda> "What does the road look like? IT'S A FUCKING ROAD, JUST GET ON WITH THE ADVENTURE!" |
#75928 (719/957) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Reddman: brain surgery fascinates me
ion: yeah
ion: usually they have to be conscious during it
ion: to help out
ion: "does it tickle when I do this?"
ion: "No, but I hear 'born in the USA' playing"
ion: "OK, I'll remove that one"
ion: "thanks"
Reddman: lmfao
infernalista: LOL |
#70442 (428/568) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Chaos_Incarnate> i want to get a government grant
<Chaos_Incarnate> to do a scientific experiment
<DJPugsly> on what
<Chaos_Incarnate> to see exactly what speed an esclator has to be at to make a slinky achieve perpetual motion
<Chaos_Incarnate> i need a box of slinkies
<Chaos_Incarnate> and an escalator |
#66618 (588/780) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TheWickerMan> Please learn to read.
<TheWickerMan> Before you call anyone else a moron.
<RobotG> im not a moren
<RobotG> mrono
<RobotG> mrone
<RobotG> monor
<RobotG> mrnor
<RobotG> wops
<TheWickerMan> swing and a miss. |
#57407 (503/669) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SC> holy fucking shit today sucked
<da_boot> why? beer_supply:Boolean == false?
<SC> No not that. Some family was staying here till' they move out.
<SC> They have a pet mouse. Long story short, pet mouse escapes...
<SC> Pet mouse wonders into the bowels of my HP K Class server (a 6x SMP machine, ~150kg).
<SC> SC turns on K Class mainframe. Mainframe spins up EBM Blower turbines.
<SC> Mainframe complains that the rear blower is under-speed.
<da_boot> omfg
<SC> No more mouse. Just gibblets. Nice, juicy giblets. Family isn't too happy with me ;_;, death by HP mainframe. |
#56930 (536/710) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<BobtheAvenger> how be you?
<GreyKnight> Currently trying to beat some C++ into submission
<GreyKnight> COMPILE YOU FREAK
<GreyKnight> I'm tempted to print the code out just so I can set fire to it |
#78388 (361/477) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ed> customer: "i have a pentium 4-R CPU, is that a good CPU?"
<ed> me: 'sir, there's no such thing as a pentium 4-R.'
<ed> customer: "so you mean you don't know about the pentium 4-R."
<ed> me: 'i mean that the pentium 4-R does not exist.'
<ed> customer: "dude, don't try to belittle me, i know more than you. i have one, i know it exists, i just wanted to know if it was a good CPU or not."
<ed> me: 'sir, with all due respect, intel introducing a "pentium-4-r" should have made enough of a splash in the industry for me to notice.'
<ed> finally he gets me to pull out a CPU to show me
<ed> on the chip engraving, it says:
<ed> PENTIUM (R) 4
<ed> he goes: "SEE! PENTIUM 4 R!!!"
<ed> me: .... |
#33543 (438/580) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TheDarkOfKnight> When I was a seinor in high school we had to make a video and had to have blood packs. The best blood packs are made from condoms.
<TheDarkOfKnight> We had the following on the checkout counter: 1 Box of Trojan Magnum condoms, 2 Bottles of Corn oil, 4 Bottles of red food color, 2 Super 8 video cassettes and 1 Roll of duct tape.
<TheDarkOfKnight> I have never before gotten weirder looks. |
#59732 (659/877) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Snags> Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
<Snags> "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."
<Snags> But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
<Snags> "Dave.....
<Snags> Dave.....
<Snags> Dave, you sick bastard
<Snags> You're a vet." |
#59275 (459/609) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Nick: Peer Education Network for Information Systems... That is a name our company came up with... they decided not to include the acronym in the e-mail. They just refer to it be it's full name, or PEN for IS. It's fucking PENIS!
Matt: So do you have to attend PENIS?
Brent: Do they need anyone to do computer training? I would like to work for PENIS
Leslie: i have previous experience with PENIS
Brent: I don't need to know about that. |
#58434 (378/500) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Xeno: So I bought a 8lbs watermelon... Cut it in half and had half of it the other night and went 'Shit I'll never eat 4 fucking pounds of watermelon ever again."
Xeno: ...well I forgot and now I'm in the same pain. |
#54442 (491/651) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dread> UR R R0nG j00 n3wbz! T4ht iz n0t m4thz, t4ht r t3h SUXX0Rz!1!! ZOMG URL4ME GET4LI3FLRN2PlYkTHXBYE1!1!
<Dread> ouch
<Dread> I think I sprained my brain trying to read that
<ct> you are wrong you new users of this system. That of which you speak is not related to mathematics, rather, it is something quite unacceptable. I swear to the Lord above that you are substandard in your abilities. Please, find a hobby which will distract you as you learn its intricacies. Thank you for your time and consideration, I bid you adieu.
<ct> translation is just one of the services I provide |
#51518 (357/471) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<GenericLoser> So in PE today we were asked to name swimming strokes.
<GenericLoser> One of the less intelligent girls in the class responded "doggy style". |
#51383 (455/603) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<[Fek]Dragon> go ahead try 2 hack my box i been using linux for 4 years
<[Fek]Dragon> i can hack u with the linux tools right back tho and u can do nuthing
<[PRIEST]> I'm scared, truly.
<[Fek]Dragon> just so u know i have gained access to ur box and am lookin at ur stuff
<[Fek]Dragon> u have alot of stolen music
<[PRIEST]> How did you gain access to my system?
<[Fek]Dragon> i told u i use linux to hack u windows faggets
....
[[Fek]Dragon VERSION reply]: mIRC v6.16 Khaled Mardam-Bey
<[PRIEST]> So I see here from this homework folder your name is Kevin Kowalzyk
<[Fek]Dragon> fuk u im goin to call the fbi
* [Fek]Dragon has quit IRC (Quit:)Comment: One of the other channel lurkers caught his name earlier.
|
#31951 (436/576) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Haplo gets a knofe
<@Haplo> knife
<@Haplo> knofe...
<@Haplo> where the hell did that come from
< HighlordThunder> thats an i/o-error |
#309217 (75/95) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ender> Every day when I get up I intend to get all kinds of work done.
<Ender> Then everything goes horribly wrong. :)
<devnull> every day when i get up i intend to get as little work done as possible.
<devnull> Then everything goes horribly wrong. |
#309205 (92/116) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< radiofree> around the time the UK was planning to introduce id cards, i was walking down the high street and some hippy handed me a flyer "NO2ID", a campaign group opposed to government id cards, stating things like privacy etc...
< radiofree> at the bottom it said "Join our facebook group" |
#90649 (523/695) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<X> i want like
<X> a vagina for a week
<%Growly> Me too
<%Growly> Not on me
<%Growly> but access to one
<X> i'd want one on me
<X> just to see how it feels
<X> (AND USE IT TO STORE COINS AND VARIOUS ITEMS)
<%Growly> I'd call you creepy if I hadn't had that thought myself |
#305789 (286/376) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+replicated> talking to a friend in japan now
<+replicated> she thought she was gonna die lol
<!Suriko> tsunamis can do that
<!Suriko> is her house/relatives okay?
<+replicated> yeah all good
<+replicated> she's in yokohama
<+replicated> so no tsunami
<+replicated> but still scary as shit
<Doomfest> ask her if her figurines are fine
<+replicated> this is why you never get laid doom |
#307608 (210/274) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Lawrence yawns. "Napping then poker tonight."
<runrunner> fap poker
<Fritz> Fapoker
<&Ashilstraza|Raveness> how does one play fap poker?
<runrunner> kind of like strip poker
<Fritz> If you have a good hand, you win |
#308401 (162/210) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Recall_Coordinator> Fishing and hunting aren't really sports in the soccer/tennis sense of the word. They're tactical games that you play against players that have no idea that they're playing.
<Genghis_John> Rugby should be played like that. |
#104883 (210/276) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ashrael> My MP3 of MC Hammer's 'Can't Touch This' has been locked out by the RIAA Piracy Blocker Thing.
<Ashrael> The sense of irony is unbearable. |
#104063 (273/361) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<T_ConX> It sucks being a spelling Nazi on Facebook.
<Phoz> Why?
<T_ConX> Well, normally when you see someone pound out garbage like 'ya well thaz jyst ur opinun so yo momma!', I simply assume it's being produced by some 12 year old simian on a sugar high.
<T_ConX> However, on Facebook, every poorly writen comment is attached to a persons real name, and the School Network they belong to.
<Phoz> Oh...
<T_ConX> So as a result, I see 'Kate Smith (Harvard)' attached to the comment 'y cant u just acept jeesus in2 ur hert?'.
<Phoz> Ha!
<T_ConX> I'm not lying!
<T_ConX> I have actually seen Ivy League students with the English skills of a second grader.
<T_ConX> There is some hope however.
<Phoz> How?
<T_ConX> You know how companies are using Facebook and mySpace to do cheap background checks on job candidates.
<Phoz> Yes
<Phoz> Oh... I see...
<T_ConX> Kate Smith - Recruitment Status: Rejected
<T_ConX> Reason for rejection: Poor English skills displayed on Facebook. |
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