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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..316317318319320321322..599Next> |
#55647 (124/306) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
AlarmedBread: condoms are like computer parts
AlarmedBread: except, they have potential to be much more entertaining
Hellmark[RS]: Well, if thats true, I'd collect them out of the trash, and use them for years after they've been abandoned |
#55649 (137/343) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<oohal> Slothearn, start a partition to get him arrested
<archaios> a "partition"?
<archaios> I think you mean petition
<Slothearn> Heh, ext2?
<Slothearn> I propose a reiserfs partition of about 30 GB to get Cheney the death penalty. |
#60378 (180/452) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<OpZChAoS> hands up anyone who has ever stuffed up a linux installation
* SKoRM puts hands up
<Peppery> never :)
<SKoRM> put a finger up for every time your windows has crashed?
* SKoRM puts up 17
<Peppery> cant...
<Peppery> fingers dont go that high |
#14139 (95/230) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Choc> CARDIFF: Twelve people have been taken to hospital after Spanish world title contender Carlos Sainz's Ford left the road and hit spectators at the British rally here.
<morty> they were obviously cheering for another driver |
#15073 (103/251) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* Suzuran managed to make KDE change all of the text and error messages (even the ones in shell windows) to Japanese.
<kinzillah> Suzuran: can you read them though?
<Suzuran> kinzillah: Hell no. ^_^ |
#16974 (100/243) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Cyc66> http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=****
<Cyc66> plz ruin that auction
<bbz_> what do i want to do that for?
<Cyc66> she's a dirty whore
<bbz> maybe i could get her phone number
<Cyc66> uh why would u do that
<bbz> well, if she is a dirty whore |
#17346 (108/264) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<harb> I'm good at designing things, usually.
<harb> Implemting is another matter. :|
<harb> Implementing. blah.
<homeslice> Spelling also poses a problem. |
#19471 (118/293) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[ethix] the card i got my mom for christmas says
[ethix] "christmas is like constipation" you aint getting shit |
#20230 (117/288) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<kingmob> i wonder how bad the irritating dork contingent at the matrix is gonna be
<kingmob> and i wonder to what extent i am one
<kingmob> i suppose the best i can hope for is no sysadmins dressed as trinity |
#20456 (127/314) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[Subject: New Matrix movie]
<corin> or maybe ill sneak in and if they ask for a ticket ill say there is no ticket |
#26319 (107/261) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<maff> you know you're too much of a pothead when you stop getting weed jokes |
#26419 (122/300) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Zappa_> DigDug: it would be funny if there weren't so many "people-don't-understand-internet-jargon-quotes"
<Mootar> or, as I like to call them, PDUIJQ |
#28514 (151/375) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<railor> then there comes this really hot nurse chick and i like get an instant hard-on
<railor> she asks me if i'm ok and leaves. i tell to myself "what a fine piece of ass!" so i grab my dick and start whacking off like mad
<HaiFlick> so you've started jerking off to that nurse after you had been drunk like hell and woke up in the hospital?
<railor> yeah, but then suddenly a woman next to me started crying really loud. i couldn't see her due to the curtain though
<HaiFlick> lol
<railor> turns out it was my wife |
#31335 (168/420) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<adem> on further contemplation, halle berry really isn't all that hot, is she?
*** You were kicked by d4n (who stole your hetrosexuality?) |
#31527 (152/378) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* RunNeoRun activates the Snow Scan
<ZaphodB> wow.
<ZaphodB> i am fwcasniated by the pdloepper farada.
<ZaphodB> uff da
<ZaphodB> fwascinaetd by the dopler rafdar.
<ZaphodB> GODDAMMIT
<ZaphodB> WORK, FINGERs
<ZaphodB> fascinated by the doppler radar
<RunNeoRun> ZaphodB: please don't make me laugh so hard. my abs are really sore
<ZaphodB> there wg egoComment: #userfriendly during blizzard in Ohio
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#14471 (125/309) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<marlais> for i am no longer a stranger in the ways of the woman :P
<SoulSteal> marlais: you finally killed one, eh? |
#14515 (123/303) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<m0bi_work> what is the "care for the comfort of a dying person" called
<hydro-> euthanasia |
#16408 (121/298) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Hexboy>I have a good idea.
*Hexboy Stares at the wall |
#17983 (142/355) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<indecisive> I WISH I WAS LIKE 5
<indecisive> I COULD START ALL OVER
<indecisive> LIKE HEY, I COULD PRETEND TO NOT BE ABLE TO MOVE MY LEGS
<indecisive> AND WENT AROUND IN A WHEELCHAIR LIKE ALL MY LIFE BUT EXERCISED MY LEGS SECRETLY AND THEN JUMPED OUT AND STARTED BREAK-DANCING
<Fishfood> YOU COULD GO TO A CRIPPLE CONVENTION AND GET UP IN THE MIDDLE AND SHOUT 'GET WITH THE FUNK' AND JUMP ON THE TABLE
<indecisive> WHILE I'M WISHING, I WISH I HAD FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS |
#18653 (119/293) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[ssinct] how do you spell the light sabre noise?
[quxx] bzhhzhhh
[crc1] phszzzzt
[quxx] zazazaza
[ssinct] sznnnnnnggggg sznnnggggggggg
[phantom1] cough cough |
#18809 (117/289) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Kapplar> Ben, are you on a Static IP?
<Sticky Perez> Heh
<Sticky Perez> Maybe
<Sticky Perez> ;)
<Sticky Perez> I can be Static or Dynamic
<Sticky Perez> Depends which box I check
<Kapplar> Oh baby
<Kapplar> Dual IP'age turns me on
<Kapplar> Talk dirty to me more |
#19059 (107/259) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+f0dd|away> hrm, why did I choose a full format instead of a quickformat?
<+GoodScrat> This isn't the psychic network |
#20113 (160/400) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<scabb> I AM AN OBESE AMERICAN.
<scabb> AN AMERICAN, IN OTHER WORDS
<scabb> I'M SCARED OF CAFFEINE!
<scabb> ARGH! THE COFFEE WILL GIVE ME HEART ATTACKS!
<scabb> THE LARD THAT I EAT WON'T, BUT COFFEE WILL
<scabb> 17 BIG MACS! BUT HOLD THE COFFEE! CAFFEINE GIVES ME HEART ATTACKS! |
#22136 (106/258) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<cam[work]> "The weight of the cookie is projected to reach 40,000 pounds or, as Immaculate Baking Co. again points out, the same weight as four elephants or one 40,000-pound bag of feathers."
<Uther> is that a session cookie?
<cam[work]> yes
<cam[work]> a 40,000lb session cookie |
#23884 (123/305) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Amuck50> well....you know the aliens ALWAYS land in america.....because we're the only ones with crop fields......we bombed everyone elses |
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