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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..196197198199200201202..599Next> |
#31131 (259/503) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<juice> HEY DOES ANYONE WANT some HIGH quality pens? pens that wont fail you ever? Go to the pen island, at www.penisland.com today! |
#32479 (187/357) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<janedidit> when i was 17 i was babysitting all day for my aunt who had a two year old kid who was just a completely fucking spoiled brat
<janedidit> i was trying to get him to go to bed, after a 30 minute struggle with him, and i was sitting on the rocking chair watching the simpsons
<janedidit> when the fucking asswipe BIT MY ANKLE
<PickeL> LOL
<janedidit> and i screamed "YOU LITTLE BRAT I'M GOING TO KICK YOU LIKE A FOOTBALL" then my aunt walked through the door and was screaming at me saying "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SON?!"
<janedidit> i replied, "your little turd just bit my god damn ankle!" and she shoved me out the door and was like "i'll call you when you grow up!!"
<janedidit> then a week later i called her and said, "okay i haven't grown up yet but i'd still like my pay."
<janedidit> i've got a $45 check in my pocket and a little scrap of paper that says "i've never gotten along with my sister, but now i've got a reason not to talk to her anymore, thanks."Comment: janedidit was babysitting for her aunt
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#874 (189/363) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<NOFX`> once a week someone threatens to take te channel
<NOFX`> its getting old
<NOFX`> iwish theyd threaten like my anal virginity or something
<NOFX`> i mean something im actually scared of losing |
#1600 (185/354) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Prae> <mmp> Prae! Today its my birthday!
<Prae> <Prae> wanna present?
<Prae> <mmp> yes
<Prae> I’m ping flooding him |
#1896 (177/339) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<gaspump> It takes more than tits to impress me.
<gaspump> Lord knows everyone in here should already know that.
<Richard_D_James> It's hard to masturbate to intelligence, though. |
#2147 (167/319) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Xerox> My first kid won't have a name, he'll have to pick his own at the name selection menu. |
#2390 (170/324) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TasmBoy> hah that farmer joe guy's funny.. he electricuted himself at the age of 8 now he's dumb as shit
<DAL9000> TasmBoy: what did you do to become dumb as shit?
<TasmBoy> I can't remember
<DAL9000> At least he remembers.
<TasmBoy> you got a point there |
#2553 (167/319) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<PrEs_WhO> in 50 years there will be only 2 english word
<PrEs_WhO> fuck and Dude |
#2596 (163/311) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jstepka> there is nothing about you a complete personality change couldn’t fix. |
#2795 (185/355) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(Matt^^^) Ok, walk up to a really hot chick and say "I bet you 20 bucks I can make your tits jiggle without touching them"
(Matt^^^) then grab her tits, give her 20 bucks and walk away |
#2930 (171/327) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Muskratt> How can people like you guys survive infancy without bursting into flames from some major god (I don't care who) 's anger?
<MightyQuinn> easy
<MightyQuinn> we carry fire extinguishers |
#3221 (149/283) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SementE> anyone here have a commercial pilot license?
<blazemore> semente: do you have any idea how many fbi "carnivore" systems you just set off
<SementE> blazemore: oh.. I forgot to add airline |
#3920 (184/352) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<djLiKu> tell her to give me a blueprint of her vagina
<blazemore> wtf are you gonna do with a blueprint
<blazemore> construct your own vagina?
<djLiKu> yes
<djLiKu> it's like ocean's 11
<djLiKu> i'm gonna plan out first with a demo |
#3946 (187/357) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@EvilSxxd> it's a sad sad day when a man lets a woman move into his balls
<@Vashie> my nutsack is as safe as fort nox
<@EvilSxxd> checked and handled by 1000s of sweaty soldiers a day? |
#4237 (189/362) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Geothermal> too many kitties in my life
<Kashan> masturbate more
<Geothermal> that's your solution to everything damn it
<Geothermal> "Just keep whackin' Geo!"
<Geothermal> well I'm tired of that kinda attitude |
#6751 (175/334) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ding0> ahahahahaahahahahah i was just taking a huge piss and my mom says from behind me "wow jack! your getting big", i was like, OH MY GOD wtf, and then i finished and turned around and she was looking at the size on my shoes, whew!! |
#8215 (150/285) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DotSPF> man, my mate is a complete div.
<DotSPF> he asked for my help coz he'd forgotten his hotmail password - I go round to see if he's put in a secret question so I can resurrect his account.
<DotSPF> what a prick
<DotSPF> his secret question was 'what is my password'
<DotSPF> i'm gonna go out and see if I can find him a cheap iMac |
#9946 (199/381) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<MpTaNk> my mom was telling me to do a whole bunch of stuff at once and my first thought was to tell her to stop flooding me |
#10260 (193/370) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
2(SilentSniper): I took my ps2 to florida, and the airport security bomb checker dude wouldnt stop asking me questions... "Did you get it when it was $200 or $300? Should I get an XBox or a PS2? I heard that a Ps3 is coming out? What is the best game?"
14(OuT-4-BlooD): haha
02(SilentSniper): SHUT UP AND LOOK FOR DANGEROUS EXPLOSIVES AND QUESTIONABLE FOREIGNERS |
#10280 (210/404) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Jesse> hello, I am Jesse, male, 28 years old, caucasian, and am looking for friends to chat with. I hope to see you online
<Amanda`> I HOPE TO SEE YOU FACE-DOWN IN A QUAGMIRE WITH A NINE IRON LODGED BETWEEN YOUR SHOULDER BLADES |
#10659 (180/344) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<pplante> it doesnt seem to be getting sent to the client
<pplante> hmm what to do what to do
<omega> beat your head repeatedly with a steel post.
<pplante> tried that
<pplante> it didnt solve the problem though
<omega> do it harder, it will solve mine.
<pplante> die |
#10947 (176/337) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Drezdar> This summer I'm gonna buy a DDR pad. I figure I can kill three birds with one stone by doing this: 1) play a game, 2) exercise, 3) swear off heterosexuality for good. |
#88 (240/466) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Infe> but if i ever hit a deer with my car i'll be damned if i don't try to finish it off, i'll need the food after all my money is fixing the car#@$#@ |
#594 (210/404) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Johnno> my favorite animal is the scapegoat |
#636 (236/461) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Anagon> IT'S UP! I GOT IT UP!
<Anagon> (no, not like that) |
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