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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..187188189190191192193..599Next> |
#40657 (153/287) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< kitt> i'm trying to install linux for the first time
< kitt> but i can't find the setup.exe, any help |
#42219 (213/405) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tJmarshal> heh so hes like "you interested in a best buy card?" and in all "no ive got one" and he all comes back with "oh yeah? whats the number? ill punch it in"
<northdeer> rofl you got pwned then hun
<tJmarshal> mom, dont ever use that term again. please.Comment: www.tcts.ws, #teenchat, Undernet
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#44864 (121/225) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Futyre>OMFG some people should not be allowed to live
<Futyre>I work in a medical centre and this woman comes up to counter
<Futyre>And says, "I didn't get my quarter of an hour with the doctor"
<Futyre>Pretty common sort of a response really
<Futyre>Patients always whinge
<Futyre>So I asked, "Well how long do you think you had?"
<Futyre>To which she replied, completely seriously,
<Futyre>"Only about 15 minutes."
<Kitten>What a dumb fuck
<Futyre>I just kind of stared and told her that a quarter of an hour is 15 minutes.
<Futyre>My coworker just burst out laughing
<Futyre>Suffice to say she wants to register a complaint now.Comment: Some people shouldn't be allowed to breed.
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#55760 (175/331) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<CtrlAltDestroy> Last week, I was working at Steak 'n Shake
<CtrlAltDestroy> We had a water main break outside, so they shut off the water to our store
<CtrlAltDestroy> We had to shut down the dining room because of a health code
<CtrlAltDestroy> Anyway, during that time, we got a prank call.
<CtrlAltDestroy> This dude calls up and he's like "Hey guys! Is your fountain running?!"
<CtrlAltDestroy> Of course, I had to say "Not right now, we don't have water because of a main break."
<CtrlAltDestroy> Then he just goes "Oh..." *Click* |
#57199 (248/474) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Kilonum_NAKED> my father wants back in my life
<ataraxia> get dressed first |
#59757 (297/571) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<MadSkz> Row, row, row your boat
<MadSkz> Cuban refugees
<MadSkz> If you row fast enough
<MadSkz> You will reach the Keys. |
#60730 (232/442) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
08:22 <bjorn> ok, time for the daily commute! brb
08:23 <bjorn> backComment: he commutes from the bedroom to the living room to get to work
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#63416 (163/307) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tpk> OH, Cascading Style Sheets...
<tpk> What CAN'T you do??
<tpk> The answer: nothing
<syc> rounded corners?
<tpk> fuck... |
#81440 (262/502) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< ipspoon> so last night i had this weird dream
< ipspoon> that like my friends sister was mad coming on to me
< ipspoon> and like she said I could put it in the back
< ipspoon> so i went over there so to speak, and i was having issue getting it in. like I couldn't find the hole
< ipspoon> next, i did what seemed perfectly logical in the dream
< ipspoon> i reached down and pulled off her penis (?!). It was attached with a little suction cup at the balls end.
< ipspoon> anyhow the anus was on the bottom, a little bit behind the head
< ipspoon> so i pulled it apart with my fingers, put my dick in, and re-attached it to the girl
< ipspoon> then fucked her brains out.
<+\x90> ... what the FUCK |
#118453 (146/276) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Timboss> ur a ray of sunshine on an otherwise midly overcast day with medium risk of percipitation and low UV and pollen count indexes |
#210939 (132/246) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< Lapkawitz> and you can tell she's really japanese becase her genitals produce a forcefield that pixelates the air around them |
#262692 (333/641) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Elleo> someone should open a geek pub that only plays prog rock called The Progress Bar |
#296029 (266/510) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<HyperHacker> ^_^ @
<HyperHacker> ^_^ @
<HyperHacker> >_> @
<HyperHacker> O_O @
<HyperHacker> <_< @
<HyperHacker> <_< @
<HyperHacker> x_x@
<HyperHacker> x_@
<HyperHacker> x@
<HyperHacker> @
<HyperHacker> @
<HyperHacker> @x
<HyperHacker> @¯x
<HyperHacker> @x¯x
<HyperHacker> @ x¯x
<HyperHacker> @ o¯O
<HyperHacker> @ v¯v
<HyperHacker> and that's what happens when you go through a black hole.Comment: irc.badnik.net #smwc
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#299587 (238/454) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Mama: hi this is dad on the computer
Joe: hi
Mama: how r u
Joe: good good
Mama: ilove u and miss u
Joe: moving out tomorrow
Mama: moving to new dorm?
Joe: yes
Mama: do u need money or anything, this is mom telling me to say
Joe: no no i dont think so
Mama: thank u very much now i love u more |
#310556 (41/45) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<meeb> only windows laptop in the flat is currently updating itself (forced reboot)
<meeb> it's installing update.... 14 of 3
<meeb> and is on 824%
<Erasmus> meeb, think of how super up to date that laptop will be |
#14083 (171/322) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Entwife> I sometimes think we have one collective mind here that we just pass around occasionally
<Entwife> when we aren't using it as a coaster or something |
#14086 (215/409) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<dudeforev> hehe
<dudeforev> my mom said what r u wathing
<dudeforev> i said pohrn
<dudeforev> she said well dont make a mess
<dudeforev> hehe
<[0sec]Hero_Man> hahahahaa
<[0sec]Hero_Man> your mom sounds cool |
#15612 (182/344) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<drunkers> hey what name am i under?
<[Piratez]> drunkers
<drunkers> what?
<[Piratez]> huh?
<drunkers> i asked what name am i under?
<[Piratez]> drunkers you fool
<drunkers> never mind ill ask someone else |
#17931 (148/278) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<MrEnthusiasm> ugh, new david bowie cd boasted that it had interactive multimedia on it
<MrEnthusiasm> what it meant was 2 buttons, one to play the cd and one to connect to a site |
#18810 (181/342) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<brainbox> damn, I've been at uni 2 years now
<brainbox> where DOES the time go?
<NecroMort> alcohol....sleep.....poker.....food.......sword fighting with sticks........D&D..........House LAN.........SKY tv...... |
#19912 (180/340) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<[vV]nitrors4> my wife dont call me anymore
<[vV]nitrors4> she got a vibrator now
<[vV]nitrors4> how the funk am i gonna top a vibrator
<[vV]nitrors4> i cant jiggle my shit that fast |
#20473 (212/404) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tps-> dude
<tps-> they used nmap in the matrix
<tps-> HEH
<tps-> im serious
<_static_> hah
<tps-> in the new movie
<tps-> lol
<tps-> it shows a shot of a linux terminal
<tps-> and a sh shell
<tps-> and it shows nmap running
<tps-> and 1 port was found
<_static_> surprised keanu could figure that stuff out
<tps-> i was like HOLY CRAP THATS NMAP
<tps-> and my friends just stared at me
<tps-> it was trinity
<_static_> probably had to have a stunt computer user |
#20900 (203/385) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<SomeGuy> My computer has no firewalls. It is protected by a thin layer of cheese
<screevo> Well, thats gouda, someguy
<SomeGuy> RIMSHOT!
<Treen> ...
<screevo> what type of cheese?
<SomeGuy> Wisconsin Cheddar
<screevo> heh. thats very sharp of you
<screevo> being the religious guy I am, i use swiss
* SomeGuy snorts
<screevo> I like it holy, ya know.
<SomeGuy> oh the puns
<screevo> when I was more of an emokid, i used bleu cheese...it seemed to fit the mood.
<screevo> one day, i wondered what happened if I took the cheese protection off, but was too scared to try
<screevo> so eventually, i munsteared up the courage to do it...
<SomeGuy> oh my god
<Treen> damn you. damn you straight to hell.
* SomeGuy Quit (Quit: Avante!)
<screevo> think we were too...cheesey for him? |
#21364 (145/272) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<wormie> go to a junk yard
<wormie> get an old car that runs
<wormie> give the fat guy workin there 20 bucks for it
<wormie> drive it into the store as deep in as you can
<wormie> hop out
<wormie> and when everyones running away
<ubergamer> LOL
<wormie> go grab a cd key :) |
#24298 (176/332) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* popsicle_sands faints
* D3k administers mouth to mouth
<Yunees|shower> ewww
<D3k> ..
<D3k> well that did *wonders* for my self-esteem |
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