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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..170171172173174175176..599Next> |
#34135 (209/385) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
xdev0luti0nx: I know a guy who plays with legos while listening to the mission impossible theme on repeat.
Serrated Sp00n: ........You know some fucked up people, Hannah.
xdev0luti0nx: They cling to me. It's really unfortunate. |
#34509 (223/411) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[sQurl] jesus is there anything that isn't broken right now?
[r1ch] customers phones |
#35182 (220/406) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Joker4ever> They had a really wierd special on today at Silver City today...
<@Joker4ever> Use the washroom and get 2 free admission
<%Ark> Offer expires when the theatre staff wise up |
#36900 (149/271) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<rhyno> okay
<rhyno> I must be losing my mind
<rhyno> I just walked to the PJ station
<rhyno> because I can't find my car keys
<rhyno> and they were right fucking here an hour ago
<DaemonX> pj station?
<rhyno> yeah
<rhyno> gas station
<rhyno> but the thing was
<rhyno> I was going there to get gas
<DaemonX> without your car?
<rhyno> and I couldn't find my keys
<rhyno> so I just thought "I'll walk"
<rhyno> go all the way up there.. and I'm like "wtf was I going here for.."
<rhyno> "OH YEAH! DUMBASS!"
<rhyno> then walked back
<DaemonX> ... i can't even comment on that |
#39904 (201/369) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Puunukke> A Russian lieutenant stands on a cliff with his crew. He looks down, and points at one of his privates.
<Puunukke> - You there. Stand here on the edge, stick your right hand out and jump down.
<Puunukke> The lieutenant watches the soldier fall down and shouts to the next one.
<Puunukke> - You! Come here, point your left hand and left foot forward and jump down.
<Puunukke> The lieutenant again watches the soldier fall, thinks for a minute and shouts again.
<Puunukke> - You there. Come lie down here on the edge, put your right foot up and roll over to the chasm.
<Puunukke> The lieutenant continues until a general arrives at the scene shouting at the lieutenant.
<Puunukke> - Lieutenant Vasiljev, how many times do I have to tell you not to play Tetris at work? |
#41868 (189/347) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Pirengle> I belong to an on-campus all-female D&D group. My character, Damiar Longblade, got married to one of my hallmates characters, Sylva Atenel.
<Pirengle> Damiar kinda sorta knocked Sylva up, and then fell in love with her. He encouraged her to do things other than heal, and to enjoy life. (She's a cleric--he's a bard.) They finally get married.
<Pirengle> Sylva thinks she just got excommunicated from her church of healers. So she finally admits her love for her husband and attempts to seduce him. By taking the initiative for the first time in the relationship.
<jcompton> Huh. You find any time to go on quests and kill monsters and pick locks and stuff?
<Echon> JC: She said it is *female* group... Pay attention, please. |
#42176 (101/181) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Xdude> what's the best spyware elimiator?
<Vespucci> del *.* /r
<Xdude> thanks
*** Xdude (X@.com) quit StarLink.Org : no route to host
<Vespucci> Actually, spybot search and destroy.
*** Xdude (X@.com) joined #stars!
<Vespucci> Oh fuck.
<Summoner> heheh
<Xdude> heh
<Xdude> fooled ya
<Vespucci> Got me.
<Vespucci> Heart rate and everything.Comment: #stars! on Starlink
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#42623 (192/356) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< rast> whats a good free perl program for windows?
< billnyeWRK> perl program?
< rast> you know, a program that can run perl scripts
< caphuso> rast: perl is a good program to run perl scripts with...
< rast> url?
< sawtooth> no, perl ;) |
#44534 (155/283) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+^Sheldon> I was in the IT industry 20 years, and I still can't explain why a simple restart solves all problems :p |
#46074 (225/419) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(Bismarck) Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes!!!!
(Bismarck) France is going to house the new nuclear fusion reactor!
(Bismarck) If it suceeds, cheap long term energy. If it fails, BAM! France is gone!
(Bismarck) It's win win! |
#48810 (224/414) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Toba> fuck
<+Toba> I deleted the wrong file
<+Toba> yay backups
<%CompHobbyist> ahahaha
<+Toba> TAB COMPLETE IS NEVER YOUR FRIEND
<%CompHobbyist> no it isn't Twiz
<%CompHobbyist> errrrr
<%CompHobbyist> I mean
<%CompHobbyist> Toba
<%CompHobbyist> *&@#*ING TAB COMPLETEComment: #WPI
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#50585 (242/448) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Joey-X> so im talking to my friend whose hanging out at my place for a joint homework effort and we start making bets on who will do what, like, I bet you 2 bucks you wont drink that expired milk or I bet you 3 bucks you wont go out on the fire escape and yell "WHITE POWER" or something
<Joey-X> and she bets me I wont show her my wang
<Phaser> WHITE POWER
<Joey-X> indeed, but anyway so I pull down my pants and this is the fuckin funniest thing..I wasnt hard yet and she grabs it(this is where I should remind you im not circumsized) and pulls the skin back and - no fucking joke - says 'it looks like a hydralisk'Comment: #quahog
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#51050 (186/342) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@kickaha> I'm beginning to be seduced by the life of leisure shit.
<Franoculator> run for President. You get 6 weeks of vacation per month.
<`WarpKat> yea...and also whenever there's a crisis |
#51174 (247/457) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Lucius: so im stuck hangin out with this emo kid
Lucius: he goes up to this hot girl and says "hey baby, what are you doing lateR?"
Lucius: she turns to him and goes "boy, i already have a pussy, i dont need another one" and walks away
Lucius: i couldnt stop laughing
Lucius: then he gets this sad look and tells me to shut up
Lucius: i calmly pull out my sharpie and draw a tear on his cheek
Lucius: he literally shrieks and runs away |
#51450 (189/347) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
plainsongx: also, that is a lie. the bumping and grinding was like the one good part of that movie [The Matrix II].
HeKuknos: dude no it was not
HeKuknos: i watched that movie with my dad
HeKuknos: it was the most uncomfotable fifteen minutes that wouldn't end of my LIFE |
#52230 (201/371) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
swtSeduction75: my mom just told me to wear a thong
DaceIre: cool!
DaceIre: Way to go mom!
swtSeduction75: well that was one of the two options
DaceIre: what was the other one?
swtSeduction75: uh
swtSeduction75: to not wear anything
DaceIre: Bad mom! |
#52304 (229/423) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kasyx> How do you circumsize a redneck?
<Kasyx> kick his sister in the jaw
<Ceno> but rednecks don't have teeth?
<Kasyx> touche |
#52892 (182/334) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Karuma|Spooky> Boxes are fun...
<%robert> you have no idea how right you are
<%robert> nothing like a good box to reduce stress
* Karuma|Spooky made fun shelves from boxes.
<+Karuma|Spooky> ^^
<%robert> I do'nt know about you, but I'm talking about vaginas
<@Stray_Pussy> lol
<%robert> and I know for a fact that most girls get pissed when you try to store things in their vaginas |
#55144 (195/359) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<bigwoodthing> ugh what a morning
<bigwoodthing> a co-worker was all excited cuz her mom, dad, and daughter were on the front page of the newspaper
<bigwoodthing> so shes showing everyone in the office, bragging about how cute her baby looks
<bigwoodthing> she finally shows me the paper, and guess what the article theyre in is about
<taylor-made> what?
<bigwoodthing> the poverty that is gripping the area due to several large companies cutting jobs :(
<taylor-made> ...
<bigwoodthing> what the hell are you supposed to say in that situation?
<bigwoodthing> "sorry that your family is in a bad spot financially, but on the bright side your daughter is SOOOOO CUTE!" |
#59753 (365/685) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Calamarain> Idiot. Someone told me that Schindler's list was a "box of tissues film"
<Calamarain> What a load of crap
<Calamarain> I only jerked off once. |
#60175 (300/556) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<NIM^Outithj> I parked the car and turned to her, by the time I turned my head her shirt was already half off
<NIM^Outithj> And she was like Touch my breast
<NIM^Outithj> I was like what?
<NIM^Outithj> She was like Touch my tits
<NIM^Outithj> so I started the car and drove her home
<Malawar> ...
<[JS]-nowhere> well that was anti-climatic
<NIM^Outithj> Once I started driving home she started on this complex like 'WTF, IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY TITS? OMG THERES SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME ISN'T THERE... ETC...'
<NIM^Outithj> So to shut her up, I reached over and grabbed one, and sweezed it twice, and on each squeeze I made the hook sound skeeter from that cartoon doug used to make
<NIM^Outithj> then put both hands back on the wheel like nothing had just happened :pComment: #empiresmod / gamesurge
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#62761 (222/410) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Xop: Hey, I'm smooth when I want to be.
Xop: Fuck, I just cut myself. |
#67322 (191/351) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< fr00t> hey you guys are gonna hate me for this but I'm wondering if you know of any serial box's for a windows, all the serial site infect cookies or are contaminated wiht porn
< orange8> contaminated with porn?
< orange8> i think you mean enhanced |
#69190 (201/371) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Biomech> I was at the opticians today, and the only way I could think of to describe a pair of frames to my girlfriend was "border-bottom: 0px" |
#14524 (171/313) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Taze> "LEGOLAS PANTS AS HE FILLS YOUR SHAKING LOVE TUNNEL WITH HIS LONG ELVEN ROD"
* Scibert blinks.
<Scibert> "Love tunnel?"
<arenotelicon> yes Sci.
<arenotelicon> this is why porn stories scare me.
<Scibert> Since when did the human body turn into an amusement park ride?
<arenotelicon> we're not sure.
<arenotelicon> sometime after porn was invented. |
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