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#17989 (179/319) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<GoreGasm> i'm sure i could beet you up, and i would
<th0m> *laying on sidewalk covered in beets* |
#18516 (216/388) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
BeHeMoTh101 : dude, penises shouldn't leak
TX Luder : uh... does yours?
BeHeMoTh101 : ok after you pee
TX Luder : oh, yeah
BeHeMoTh101 : you could stand over the toilet forever and not be drained
TX Luder : oh, well i manufactured a crude devise using a valve from a prosthetic heart and some exopy glue... it works wonders
BeHeMoTh101 : how does that even function
TX Luder : you know, i probably should have figured out how it would work before i glued it to my penis, but ya win some ya lose some |
#19710 (215/385) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
SpinalArchitect: OMG WUT R U GAY?
cochese04: Naw, I just sleep with guys to remind myself of how much I hate it |
#20192 (187/334) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<WC|spieler> Installing photoshop from within a compressed archive.
<WC|spieler> with my antivirus active
<WC|spieler> this ought to turn out well.
<WC|spieler> sometime next summer |
#21158 (179/319) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<webby> anyone else noticed an emergent trend where people deliberately say 'teh' instead of 'the'?
<webby> trust the internet to make a profoundly fucking dumb typo cool |
#23467 (221/397) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lank|war> man
<Lank|war> a girl once asked me
<Lank|war> what it feels like
<Lank|war> to have an erection
<Boxthor> ....
<Lank|war> and I couldn't figure a way to explain it to her
<Lank|war> they had asked other guys
<Lank|war> and they were like
<Lank|war> "we came to you because you know how to word stuff right"
<Lank|war> and I was like
<Lank|war> uhhhhhh
<Lank|war> it gets hard |
#24579 (170/302) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<raluka> I live in Southwest Europe
<JaniceF> New Mexico?
<raluka> Southwest Europe hun
<JaniceF> Oh you mean Brazil?
<JaniceF> I know! Lichenstein?
<raluka> Spain. |
#26340 (379/691) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Camus> im palazed!
<+Fleebis> Palazed?
<+Fleebis> Paralyzed?
<+Camus> yea
<+Camus> close
<+Camus> kinda
<+Camus> i just type in the first letter
<+Camus> and hit a couple keys
<+Fleebis> oh, i underktnjd |
#27228 (194/346) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<sp-boy> huh why do u under underastemate my knoloedge |
#27770 (185/329) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<aeonite> !8ball will my life magically turn around after this weekend with happy unicorn fairy dust wishes and chocolate popsicle kisses so I can be happy forever and ever?
<FarkStatsBot> aeonite: My sources say no.
<aeonite> !8ball is it gonna suck?
<FarkStatsBot> aeonite: My reply is no.
<aeonite> !8ball typical, then
<FarkStatsBot> aeonite: My sources say no.
<aeonite> !8ball is that all you can say is no?
<FarkStatsBot> aeonite: Signs point to yes. |
#28297 (208/372) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<CheapSk8[RKI]> I am against drugs
<CheapSk8[RKI]> I look in the mirror every morning and remind myself what they can do to a fetus beforth birth.
<tsingtao> your mom did drugs or something?
<CheapSk8[RKI]> No. She doesn't do drugs. I just happen to be in front of a mirror when i remind myself. |
#28927 (185/329) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<[Knob]> So anyway, I was in this pub yesterday night, and there was music playing. So my friend suddenly says to me "This is good music to jerk off to" I'm like "What the fuck?" and he goes "Yeah, doesn't everyone have a song that they jerk off to?" - And while he said that, the music was turned off and he screamed it throughout the entire pub. Everyone was looking mighty strange at me... |
#29442 (225/407) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<obso> christ
<obso> you get drunk and make out with a guy
<obso> and all of a sudden all of irc is on yer ass
<obso> my girlfriend thought it was cute. |
#30049 (252/454) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lepper> bob would you have sex with your mom if she were hot?
<LkTrout1> Lepper's family tree is a straight line. |
#30455 (259/467) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<vermifuge> so i have this girl in bed
<vermifuge> and her friend texts her
<vermifuge> to say shes pregnant
<vermifuge> colossal 21st century cock-blocking
<jube> YOUVE GOT LIMP |
#31217 (286/518) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Segosa> hahaha
<+Segosa> that was brilliant
<+Segosa> I was playing MTA
<+Segosa> and i joined a server with 2 people on already
<`> what was brilliant?
<+Segosa> both dutch, and they were talking
<+Segosa> they were planning on ganging up on me
<+Segosa> but they didnt know i spoke dutch
<`> hehehe! :D
<+Segosa> so they were talking and i always knew what they were saying so they never got you
<+Segosa> got me*+
<+Segosa> and just before i left i said:
<+Segosa> de volgende keer moet je het harder proberen (Next time you'll have to try harder)
<+Segosa> :P
<+Segosa> and they're like "WTF" "BASTARD!"Comment: MTA is Multi Theft Auto (Mod to play GTA:VC online)
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#294688 (268/484) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@malphas> I got stuck with the same prof for this linux course
<@malphas> as the last one
<@malphas> the same one who, halfway through the course, just stopped responding altogether so he could focus on his off-hours mailing list.
<@malphas> The first assignment:
<@malphas> Scenario:
<@malphas> The new CIO just transferred over from the finance department and during your first meeting says "My golf buddy was telling me about something called a seven layer model. Maybe we should get some of them for our network, What do you think?" You politly explain that the model is not a product and you will send a memo explaining what it is.
<@malphas> I'm *sorely* tempted to write mine from the perspective of a true Admin. Someone who realizes the opportunity presented here to obtain new hardware for future use. |
#301418 (221/397) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<VoxPVoxD> I see a half dollar coin every once in a while
<VoxPVoxD> I think it's jfk on them
<VoxPVoxD> which is a wasted opportunity
<VoxPVoxD> we had a great reason to finally have one of those cool coins with a hole in it |
#301838 (70/108) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Digga> aaaaand
<@Digga> the site's died
<@Digga> fucking played
<@Sebas`> Rage against the Machine thing?
<@Digga> mhmm
<@Sebas`> Bummer
<@Digga> 120,000 people registered for it
<@Digga> and seetickets can't handle it
<@Sebas`> Too much raging, not enough machines. |
#304222 (72/122) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Sebas> "I like these piercings that look like clubs and spades."
<@Sebas> "Get your upper lip pierced too, then you can get the hearts and the diamonds as well and have a pokerface." |
#306411 (134/234) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
-*- StoneCypher just found out that one of his favorite and one of his least favorite pieces of software are basically made by the same guy :(
<StoneCypher> PrinceXML and Opera.
<StoneCypher> i mean seriously, it's like finding out that hitler also saved eight million people from an asteroid |
#306827 (57/95) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
PokerFace: 12++ = 7503840
XoNiC: unlikely.
PokerFace: thats what the instrument says
PokerFace: only happens when compiled for sh3
PokerFace: its fine in x86
XoNiC: That's what sh3 said. |
#308521 (107/185) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> I saw the new (old) arp-ing joke post on qdb, and just for a split second of amusement, set every device on my network to have the same IP as my laptop.
<Pryoidain> Now in my head, the intended result was for my lil ultrabook to ask the router "Hey who am I? Here's my IP." and think it had suddenly become a sun box
<Pryoidain> "THE COMPUTER IS THE NETWORK, I AM ALL OF YOU"
<Pryoidain> In reality, I turned the next 57 minutes of my monday morning into a frantic scrabbling to get the network back functional before I had to leave for work, and ended up giving myself a migraine. |
#311151 (38/66) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<SmasherDynamo> !rolld100
<Ricky_Steambot> Rolled 69
<CraigK> nice.
<fairgame> nice
<Monicro> NICE
<Mon> nice
<DannoMack> nice
<Yaya> nice
<cthulhuwork> you guys are weird
<johnfw501> niceComment: #thesuperleague
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#279 (292/528) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<gloone> internet, movies and masturbation ruined my life.
<gloone> but it also made it worthwhile |
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