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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..140141142143144145146..599Next> |
#34190 (205/361) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
* rik decides not to reply to spam whose subject line is "discount vasectomy" |
#35733 (266/472) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<goatasaur> heh, at work today
<goatasaur> i was playing around with outlook's calendar/organizer thing
<goatasaur> and i noticed that you can go, like, hundreds of years into the future
<goatasaur> so on march 1st, 3004, i put "1000th anniversary at cornerstone - a pot luck lunch will be organized in my honor"Comment: #fark
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#35870 (224/394) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<JoJo> man that was a great movie
<JoJo> everybody was kung-fu fighting
<NPellizzer> were they fast as lightning?
<JoJo> yeah, in fact it was a little bit frightning
<JoJo> cause they had expert timing |
#40241 (193/339) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(+bilious) My children will learn Linux
(+bilious) And we'll have battles of whether Gnome or KDE is better
(+bilious) And my kids will have arguments like "Shut up Geoffrey, KDE IS BETTER"
(+bilious) And Geoffrey will yell back "MUUUUMMM DADDD, Lisa changed my gui to kde again"
(+bilious) And I'll just tell him to rebuild his system from the image stored on the serverComment: irc.uq.edu.au
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#49354 (222/392) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<BriBroder> Wang International Inc. Recalls Wooden Christmas Toys Due To Choking Hazard |
#52608 (156/270) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
arap816: hmm, so i just got back to my dorm after leaving in a hurry saturday morning
bob3: yes?
arap816: and i think i just summarized friday night with one question to my roommate
arap816: "why is there a doorknob on my desk?"Comment: It was a serious question, and it's still a mystery.
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#52794 (137/237) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Haplo> Just in case you guys didn't believe me yet.
<Haplo> The client bringing the desserts and drinks for the party just showed up.
<Haplo> This is an office of TWELVE PEOPLE.
<Haplo> And he brought:
<Haplo> two cakes, a cheesecake sampler, two bags of Lindt truffles, one of those large containers of cookies from the grocery store, two containers of fudge (one peanut-butter), mini-cupcakes, and four bags of assorted holiday candy (Twix, Crunch, Kisses, etc)
<AdP> Wow. That's a sugar coma waiting to happen.
<Fusilliban> Yes, and I must claim it as mine.
<tanuki> IS THERE A DENTIST IN THE HOUSE?
<Haplo> We're next door to the dental school yes.
<tanuki> Haplo: sure they didn't bribe the guy into bringing that much sugar?
* tanuki grumbles about his missing pastamastery
<Haplo> Actually tanuki, the point is that the guy is trying to bribe US to buy more of his products.
<AdP> Yeah, from the spread, I'm guessing the client is in the insulin business. |
#54649 (272/482) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Leonard G: Welcome to HP Total Care. My name is Leonard. How may I assist you today?
some body: hi, how do you turn a computer on?
Leonard G: Please press the power button on the front panel of the system tower.
some body: is that the button marked power?
Leonard G: Yes, the big button in the front panel of the system tower.
some body: oh, I see a small socket
some body: what the hell, I just got electrocuted
Leonard G: I apologize for that. |
#56390 (248/438) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
ELLIS THOMAS : My question is HOW CAN I SWEAR ON BBERG?
BLOOMBERG HELP DESK : Hello Ellis, there are certain words that are restricted on Bloomberg's messaging system. If you would like to simulate a swear word, you can substitute a letter with a symbol, such as an asterisk
ELLIS THOMAS : THANK YOU, THAT'S F*CKING FANTASIC.
BLOOMBERG HELP DESK : Is there anything else I can assist you with? |
#59035 (254/450) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<+withnail> just because i'm unemployed, have long hair and sit about all day smoking weed doesn't make me a hippy |
#61477 (350/626) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ktek> yesterday some dumb teen on a bike heading toward my car shone a green laser in my eyes, laughing as he rides away
<ktek> so i did a u-turn and went after him
<ktek> he looks behind him as he hears a car coming, sees that it's me and starts booking it down the road
<ktek> i get behind him and match his speed, and he's freaking out screaming like a little girl
<ktek> i lightly hit the gas and hit his back tire, and he flipped off his bike and hits the shoulder pretty hard
<ktek> i stop, roll my window down, see he's okay and i laugh and take off.
<ktek> now that's a good day |
#68462 (187/331) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< PatrickBic> will go home soon
< PatrickBic> and no parents at home the whole weekend...
< JimPanic> Sounds like fun. :D
< PatrickBic> ye
< void[]> Party at PatrickBic's place
< PatrickBic> yea
< void[]> Bring your own compiler. |
#68954 (252/446) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<MrZodiac> oh man
<MrZodiac> this is so awkward
<MrZodiac> This girl who I boink now and again is in an open relationship with a dude I knew in college
<MrZodiac> This past weekend she and I made merry, and I threw ropey jets of jism all over her and some of the furnature we were making merry on
<MrZodiac> And I used a towel to clean her and the furnature off
<MrZodiac> So the guy sends me a myspace IM today asking me which towel I used
<MrZodiac> ugh
<MrZodiac> I feel weirdComment: #bifemunix on EFnet
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#72500 (284/504) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Tim> FFS, why did they give me an antidepressant that is also used for treating premature ejaculation >_< masturbating for ten minutes is no fun at all. |
#112746 (132/230) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Stirk> The fuck is wrong with fox news
<Spitfire3292> everything
<Stirk> No, the WILDfires are not caused by al queda
<Stirk> Damn idiots |
#213370 (347/621) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Jck_true> What's the config key to change the HTTP_USER_AGENT for firefox?
<CoJaBo> Jck_true: Miley Cirus nude
<CoJaBo> Er
<CoJaBo> Jck_true: general.useragent.override |
#295415 (246/436) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<~Vespa> I had a lesbian (a very intoxicated one) come onto me once
<~toto> They wanted a drink dear
<~Vespa> no
<~Vespa> they bought me the drink
<~toto> They'd spiked it and wanted your wallet then.
<~Vespa> no
<~Vespa> they thought I was femaleComment: #dirt
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#299442 (240/424) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Pen> bool b;
<Pen> [...]
<Pen> if (b.ToString().length < 5) {...}
<Amanda> aaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahhahahaha
<Amanda> Who wrote that?
<Pen> indians |
#300849 (263/469) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<MunInFull> So I've got an mp3 of Biggie's Mesmerize as my ringtone? I was at a bodega buying tamales this morning, it went off, and this little cholo thug just started dancing in line, told me to keep that bitch waiting because this was a good song. Afterwards, we fistbumped. I felt ethnic. |
#300964 (237/419) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Decline> how do I stop being in insert mode, al?
<Sebas> Pull your pants up. |
#309144 (44/70) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<myself> Heh. I'm reminded now, of fetching the entire sysinternals suite, and then wanting to run them ALL so I could click through the infernal EULA on each one and not be bothered with it again
<myself> for %a in (*.exe) do %a
<myself> ^^^^ comedy
<c0nsumer> myself: there's another way
<myself> nah that worked, it just brought the machine to its knees for about 20 seconds :)
<c0nsumer> myself: HKCU\Software\Sysinternals\Process Monitor|EulaAccepted REG_DWORD 0x1
<c0nsumer> lather, rinse, repeat
<c0nsumer> export ...\Sysinternals.\...,, strip out eveyrthing but those EULA lines
<myself> Oh man, so I could just save a .reg and import it again on each machine I bring the tools to
<c0nsumer> import the .reg file elsewhere
<c0nsumer> exactly
<myself> yesssComment: Useful advice, in my QDB? It's more likely than you think.
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#12861 (186/326) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Jammer> Bad things happen in threes, don't they?
<Fake_Plastic_Tree> like Hanson. |
#13405 (212/373) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Synikal> i do lawns
<mikeyjone> plz no sexual preferences
<Synikal> i do like 2 every day almost
<mikeyjone> one day you'll answer the door and a small blade of grass will be there saying "daddy?"
<Synikal> lol |
#14299 (179/316) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Dainichi> Sometimes, I really do think it'd be nifty-keen to have another me around.
Phantbert> no way
Phantbert> I'd hate to have another me
Phantbert> the last thing I need is another pretentious asshole to deal with. |
#14888 (220/389) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<TRiP]> so you got a bf?
<wersa666> yeah, you have a gf?
<TRiP]> nope.. still stuck with this crappy TNT2.. i'm planning on buying a GF3 next week though
<wersa666> ok... |
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