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#50706 (253/413) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@pixeldust> man i got so much candy tonight
<@ash> awww, pixie still twick oh tweats!
<@pixeldust> stfu
<@pixeldust> what you do for all hallow's eve?
<@ash> scared little kids that came up to my porch.
<@X5-424> went to a costume party at a hotel
<@b0bby-d1g1tal> i shaved my pubes off and painted my sack up like a pumpkin
<@b0bby-d1g1tal> then jumped out of the closet bare assed when my girlfriend got home and said "trick or treat bitch!" and chased her around the apartment with my wang.
<@ash> o_O
<@X5-424> leave it to bobby to kill a conversation dead in its tracks.Comment: #red-eclipse
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#50857 (285/467) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<%robert> we should do a group suicide
<%robert> it could be fun
<%robert> and if not, well, we just won't do it againComment: #wpi
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#52575 (233/379) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<boof> fucking fat fuck customers at mcdonalds
<boof> You know how bartenders can refuse to sell alcohol to someone if they are clearly intoxicated to the max?
<boof> Well, I'd like the same power, however in regards to obseity. Too fat? Have trouble walking? Sweating in the airconditioning? Short breath from walking from the door to the counter? No sale, unless you buy something from the Salads plus menu and a bottle of water.
<fury> lol |
#53290 (251/409) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Theropissed> wtf
<Theropissed> its like every nation that lost in world war 2 is fucked up
<Theropissed> Germany, Japan....italy even
<Theropissed> nasty italian porn where this dude stuffed his head into some girls vagina
<MavethTheAce> That was russian
<Theropissed> ....
<Theropissed> whats sad is
<Theropissed> you corrected me on that |
#56641 (248/404) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
mjl69> 98.5% of dna is considered to be junk dna with no known purpose. maybe it's xml tags. |
#59017 (254/414) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<mackattack> why do church organizations have telemarketers? I feel bad hangin up on them like I am sinning or something
<mackattack> the worst part is they usually call when I am watching porn |
#63545 (563/933) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<CtrlAltDestroy> Alright, so I was working at Steak n Shake today
<CtrlAltDestroy> There was this new girl
<CtrlAltDestroy> For her break, she wanted a chili 5-way
<CtrlAltDestroy> So we told her to make it herself cuz we were busy
<CtrlAltDestroy> So she goes to make it
<CtrlAltDestroy> And like most n00bs do at least once, she mistook the barbecue sauce for the spaghetti sauce
<CtrlAltDestroy> So she poured barbecue sauce on her 5-way.
<CtrlAltDestroy> I was sitting next to her when she started to eat it...
<CtrlAltDestroy> When she took a bite, she screamed
<CtrlAltDestroy> "OH MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK, BARBEQUE?" |
#65016 (277/453) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<DogTheBootyHunter> dammitdammitdammitdammitdammitsonofabitch
<DogTheBootyHunter> I just missed the season finales of two of my shows...
<DogTheBootyHunter> lost track of time
<muttonduck> i watched northern exposure religiously, never missed an episode, even when joel left the series. i was watching the FINAL episode with five mins to go when my 3 yr old daughter fellover in the hallway and banged her head. By the time I got back to the TV the show was finished.
<muttonduck> Now my son is my favourite child. |
#80629 (232/378) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<joe> ugh, I need references who I've known for more than 2 years, and aren't related to me
<bung> your dad? |
#138416 (284/464) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Lena> My mama taught me how to dance
<Lena> said if you can shake your ass right, guys will know what you're like in bed
<Lena> my mom is such a whore
<Lena> especially when she said all casually "Mija...have you ever had sex on a piano?" her voice is really thick with a spanish accent and I'm like "MAMA NO!" she goes "Good, dont, cause it's noisy"
<Lena> I just looked at her in disbelief
<Lena> and THEN!
<Lena> one time she says "Mija, I dont want you sleeping with every tom dick and harry, maybe every tom and dick but not ever harry" |
#139339 (476/790) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Iced_Plasma> I was at work at the retirement community
<Iced_Plasma> and some old guy is talking to me about religion
<Iced_Plasma> and he looks aty me and says
<Iced_Plasma> "When do you think Jesus will come?"
<Iced_Plasma> and I said
<Iced_Plasma> "When he climaxes"
<Iced_Plasma> and he just stared at me in shock and rage |
#181508 (387/639) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<indrora> the county commision for the blind has a shitty way of making users not mess with settings
<indrora> they set the password for the admin account to "youcantseeme" |
#264956 (205/333) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<+MooG> my friend and his mates made up a big cardboard car out of a fridge box once
<+MooG> and went through the drivethrough
<+MooG> they even had one being the "radio", beatboxing
<+Formalhaut> McDonalds don't serve us when we walk through but BK do. More business for them, even if it is drunkards
<+MooG> and they did mime actions for the window winding and everything
<+MooG> wish i'd filmed it |
#299090 (253/413) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Kyle_> If I showed this technology to people 10 years ago they would think I was from the future. |
#300286 (221/359) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<+finn> is there something in between "I like you" and "I love you"?
<@Rjx> sex |
#302359 (128/204) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<st0rmb0x> I had an ass cannon moment
<Ka1enov> LOL
<st0rmb0x> You know when you're on the shitter and you just fart but you don't realise you shat 12 feet of shit in half a second
<Ka1enov> yeah man
<Ka1enov> and then when you wipe
<Ka1enov> theres nothing
<Ka1enov> youre are like what the fuck
<st0rmb0x> lol, yeah man, these things are deadly, what if you were to shit down a balcony, i bet you'd be able to break car windshields
<st0rmb0x> Or snipe someone with a turd
<Ka1enov> and walk away with no evidence
<st0rmb0x> The police are like, what the fuck, there's shit everywhere and that guy has a hole in the head
<Ka1enov> and your ass is clean! |
#306403 (204/330) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<+CoJaBo> me is bored
<+CoJaBo> Slash key: Miss it, and sound like caveman. |
#307327 (34/58) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@Rabbi> don't ever forget to live life
<@Rabbi> it could be over any moment
< Gobina> and hopefully it will be, soon
<@Rabbi> for instance right now I'm writing code for an emulated 16 year old game and drinking a bourbon, alone in my apartment
<@Rabbi> gotta remember to live |
#307796 (40/62) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
< er1c_> im curious to know about your knowledge of the tensile strength of a vagina though, vhost-. Â or maybe not
< craige> He was a large baby
< craige> We should leave it at that :p
< vhost-> dude, they can squeeze hard
< vhost-> a penis just kind of sits there, then it raises a little bit, but still just sort of stays there
< vhost-> you can't flex your balls
< er1c_> i um... saw my daughter come into this world. Â i was adamant about not looking but the fucking nurse kept telling me i needed to see the miracle. Â words fail me at describing that horror scene
< vhost-> ~(:D)~ OH HAI |
#310109 (54/82) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<shree> there was a hackerspace in london
<shree> it had IP video cams, that you could point at different stuff, through the website
<shree> I used to go on there
<shree> watch the people
<shree> especially at night - some of them slept there
<shree> they would know I was there because the camera moved
<shree> some of them would cover it with stuff
<shree> it made me feel less lonely though
<shree> I felt like, them covering the camera, is real interaction in a wayComment: #/g/sicp on Rizon
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#13687 (278/455) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Darth-Phenom> But the SNES was only good for its games, much like the PSX
<Pedgey> Well what else you gonna use it for? Making toast?!!?! |
#18317 (245/400) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<nzc> actually
<nzc> i need to msg quat
<nzc> there we go
<nzc> and
<nzc> i have to eat
<cj_> and
<cj_> you have
<cj_> to take off
<cj_> your return key
<cj_> and only
<cj_> use it for
<cj_> special occasions
<cj_> like
<cj_> when you finish
<cj_> a sentence |
#20187 (264/432) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<aggiepm> OMG Kill me. I just tried to move my curser off my screen onto my desk to look at a paper document on my desk |
#21086 (218/354) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Midvalley> it's a beautiful day
<Midvalley> makes we want to do something other than close the drapes because the light is on my monitor |
#25648 (224/364) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<davidc> did you know this year in #lost
<davidc> the word 'i' has been said 27407 times
<davidc> but capitalized 'I' only 2613
<davidc> we're all lazy and illerate
<davidc> illiterate
<davidc> proved my own point there |
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