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#54400 (735/865) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<hawk09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
<ktp753>ouch.
<hawk09>yeah.i sent them to her dad
#310153 (77/87) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Xaiier> I'm curious as to what a nuclear meltdown in space would be like
<scott_manley1> well there's no down
<scott_manley1> so it's more a melt
<Xaiier> oh right
#61355 (648/762) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<mack> i totally got pwned by a spider this morning
<mack> there has been this garden spider living in the kitchen of my house, and i don't care because when summer nears it gets hot so flies come in and bug me...so i let him stay
<mack> so anyways. i wake up and grab my smokes and head for the sliding door to go out and have a smoke
<mack> i'm two feet away from the door when i walk into his web, and it scares the shit out of me cause i'm still half asleep
<mack> i stumble back and bump into the couch, flip over it as i lose my footing, and my legs crash into the coffee table, effectively splitting it in two
<mack> i'm laying there figuring out what just happened, and the spider bites my nose!
<mack> like HE'S having a bad day :/
#32506 (743/875) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<baryon> brb. I need a shower again, I stink
<emo> baryon: remember my advice
<baryon> god you're still here
<emo> you can significantly reduce the sourness of your body odour by refraining from meat eating
<cl4SS> emo fuck up about it. I'm sick of hearing your shit
<emo> I'm just saying
<baryon> emo, that's got nothing to do with it
<emo> baryon: it does actually. Several studies have shown so
<baryon> emo. I helped move four horses today. I am covered in dirt, dust and horse shit
<baryon> I stink because FOUR DAMNED VEGETARIANS SHIT ON ME
#301600 (607/715) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Ariel: i can't find my bball practice uniform
Ariel: he's gonna make me run all practice
Bryan: D:
Ariel: I checked the wardrobe, the laundry the closet and still can't find it
Bryan: check the bed!
Ariel: It wouldn't be there
Bryan: i once found a hammer in the fridge don't tell me you can't find clothes in a bed
#20078 (578/681) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Silversong> Anybody ever wonder what would happen if we were suddenly flung into a weird dimension and we were all physically in a room together?
<Brentai> I'd have to pull my pants up real quick, most likely.
#303993 (256/298) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Octopussy> i need to do something about this irc font
<&Shark> make it comic sans
<Octopussy> it looks all weirdy without fixed width
<Octopussy> yes, i should try comic sans first
<Octopussy> now everyone looks like an idiot
<Octopussy> i'll keep comic sans for a while
#301722 (840/994) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Trinexx> so, while my girlfriend was taking a dump last night
<Trinexx> I burst into the bathroom wearing a rubber Nixon mask, waving around a meat cleaver
<Trinexx> while screaming "I AM NOT A CROOK"
<Trinexx> it was hilarious
<Trinexx> on a semi-related note, I slept in the living room last night
#250885 (2664/3178) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Tomm> ... I am speechless.
<Tomm> I was randomly watching Youtube stuff when I saw a link to Never Gonna Give You Up
<Tomm> And I thought to myself... "Hey, that's a cool song, and I haven't heard it in a while"
<Tomm> So I clicked it
<Tomm> ...Chocolate Rain.
<Tomm> I JUST GOT FUCKING REVERSE RICKROLLED.
#162072 (778/922) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<LightFang> I'll be hosting a spelling bee.
<Stellaluna> CAN I BE IN THE SPELLING BE
<Psweet> misspelling "spelling bee" is an automatic disqualification
#270887 (966/1146) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Betty> So, wanna go see a movie tomorrow
<Sokol> NO! I toled you, i haev a girlfriend!!!
<Betty> I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND YOU STONED FUCK!!!
#309805 (123/141) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@dmd> if i had a multi-watt laser or something i would probably sit in a book depository and kill people with it
<@dmd> does that make me a bad person
<@Krrrlson> it makes you a person who has not considered the power consumption and cooling requirements
#299829 (700/828) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<eyecer> how fast is your connection?
<R_den> well i went to a site that tests for things like that
<eyecer> what did it say?
<R_den> dunno. still waiting on the page to load
#311396 (66/74) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<graspee> fucking ipod shuffled onto guided meditation track and i fell asleep at the keyboard
#117878 (678/802) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<timelyx> can someone explain how to use wikipedia in a foreign language? :)
<max> timelyx: navegar simplemente a wikipedia.org y seleccionar tu lengua
#261519 (575/679) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<greenocide> Had to give report over censorship today.
<greenocide> So I put in a pr0n vid and they made me turn it off.
#310941 (75/85) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Chillum: the most evil thing I have ever made is a tiny USB stick that when inserted in a computer pretends to be a keyboard and turns on/off CAPS LOCK every minute or so randomly
Chillum: it drives people insane
dmacks_away: Luckily I have a case-insensitive filesystem and a shell that is so crappy it doesn't even realize when a command is miscapitalized.
legoktm: you use PHP as your shell?
#306605 (164/190) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@Matthew> had a weird dream last night, some doctors told me that my spine was fucked
<@Matthew> first they were very helpful promising to get it fixed, then they found out i didn't have private health insurance
< ulber> the american dream
#301765 (454/536) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Pong_Ball> I was watching that chemistry.com commercial with a female co-worker in the lounge.
Pong_Ball> They had just gotten through saying that love isn't determined by science and compatibility formulas, that "the world doesn't work that way".
Pong_Ball> Without skipping a beat, we both said "Yes, it does." in complete synchronicity.
Pong_Ball> I'm going on a date with her on Friday.
#308726 (273/319) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<steveio>this dude at work is an insufferable asshole
<steveio>and he asked me to look at his code because it wasn't working right. But he had that air of "I couldn't find it, so I don't think you will either, but I know my boss will ask if anyone else looked at it, so here." Such an asshole
<steveio>anyhow, found the problem right away, simple fix. But I then added this lovely gem:
<steveio>#define sizeof( rand(
<steveio>he uses sizeof in for loops everywhere >:)
#296710 (2334/2788) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Bapa> Hello beautiful, flawless people of #MOOP.
<godsprophet> sorry, none of those people are here right now
<godsprophet> please leave a message after the long, awkward silence
<Bapa> What makes it awkward?
<sui> i'm naked.
#300149 (586/694) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<ninjapirate> sometimes i hear "Eye of the tiger" when i'm masturbating.
<ninjapirate> that's how glorious my penis is
<jaban> "so many times it happens too fast"
<jaban> "you must fight just to keep [it] alive"
<jaban> thinking of that part in particular?
#300150 (435/513) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<kiwi_> How come when your wifes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say congratulations! But none of them rub your cock and say well done?
<Artifice> By extension, it would be your GUY friends rubbing your johnson
#309379 (119/137) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< V0id> one advantage of a complicated root password is can't type it when drunk
#299911 (548/648) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< koala_man> after some future breakthroughs in robotics, but before the price has gone down, there is likely to be robotic brothels
< mawlipe> robot sex? that's scary.
< koala_man> I know, that's what I thought
< koala_man> but according to my calculations, a condom of normal thickness has a dielectric strength of at least 780V
< koala_man> meaning if the robot runs on mains and shorts out, you're still protected with a margin of nearly 500V
< mawlipe> .....not what I meant.
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