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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..67686970717273..599Next> |
#51430 (337/495) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
CannonSpiker0023: So there I was the last man on my paintball team
MPike: wow, you do paintball?
CannonSpiker0023: Taking head from these guys who were hiding behind some boxes across the street
MPike: cool
MPike: wait
MPike: what?
CannonSpiker0023: HEAT
CannonSpiker0023: I MEANT HEAT
MPike: Is "paintball team" some kind of code?
CannonSpiker0023: STFU
MPike: For "gay sex group"?
CannonSpiker0023: GAWD IT WAS A TYPO
SRYelznik: Or was it?
CannonSpiker0023: GAH |
#103393 (151/217) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<^Migs^> Is there a way I can use Javascript so that when a user clicks a button, it opens and closes their CD drive, makes their computer beep several times, and gives them a BSOD?
<bkruse> ^Migs^: tell them to use IE
<bkruse> then just write code as normal. |
#189485 (2366/3564) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<goldfish> I took this little green pill for a headache, on my Granny's recommendation.
<goldfish> I woke up in the backyard three days later, no trousers on, talking to Elvis about the infinite.
<goldfish> Granny was yelling out a window at me, "Get up you baby! I take three of those and do my grocery shopping." |
#234700 (135/193) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<#xXRederickXx#> I love having all my neighbors on wireless Internet.
<#xXRederickXx#> this way when I'm downloadin pron all I need to do is switch to the McNallys network and I
<#xXRederickXx#> 1.) get pron from a faster uncorrupted source,
<#XxRederickXx#> 2.) get the satisfaction of having their asshole son sent off to military school for having impure thoughts. |
#267616 (188/272) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<vels_7> My computer was beginning to run slow, so i decided to reinstall windows. I have my own xp serial but no cd, so i downloaded one, and formatted the computer.
<vels_7> ...
<vels_7> then i realized that i had forgot to burn the cd. |
#279192 (221/321) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Ahrotahntee> I found the most horrid naming convention today
<Ahrotahntee> and what's hilarious is it doesn't sound like a bad idea until you come across this specific example
<Ahrotahntee> I work with an AS/400 computer along with Icy on some days, they don't support long names
<Ahrotahntee> so I found a username or library name or something that was for an assistant (abbrievated ASST) Amer. The log entry read: 42 files changed by/in ASSTAMER |
#295355 (259/377) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
NewClear4: did you win the argument?
ccmods: From the perspective that I was correct, yes. From the perspective that arguing with a 13 year old kid whose voice was cracking, no. |
#299964 (366/538) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Xe0n> $|=3,141592;sub _
<Xe0n> {print@_}sub o{_++$O[0
<Xe0n> ];_ 0for 1..$#O}sub O{$;=int
<Xe0n> $=/10,'0/^ ^';if($;<9)
<Xe0n> {_$_ for @O;;@O=()
<Xe0n> ;0}push @O,$;;0
<Xe0n> ,;push@ O,'.'if
<Xe0n> $^==1; 0;if($;
<Xe0n> ==10){ print ,o,@O=(
<Xe0n> )}}$~= 1000000 ;$-=10*
<Xe0n> (q/@O= digits of pi =10/,1)
<Xe0n> *int($~ /3)+1;$
<Xe0n> _=2for@ ,[0..$-]
<Xe0n> ,;for$^ (1..$~){
<Xe0n> $:=$-;$O =0;until
<Xe0n> ($:<0){$/= 2*$:+1;$/=
<Xe0n> 10if$/==1;$==10*$,[$:]+$O;$,
<Xe0n> [$:]=$=%$/;$O=int($=/$/
<Xe0n> )*$:--,10}O}o
<Xe0n> run it
<Xe0n> see how long it takes for your compy to finish it
<Xe0n> it's perl
<DerpDerp> No, it's gay
<DerpDerp> and it probably makes my CD trap open every 30 seconds
<DerpDerp> probably
<DerpDerp> tray
<phantomcircuit> actually it looks like it calculates pi
<Xe0n> ^
<Xe0n> Because it does
<phantomcircuit> but being perl it could just as well launch some nuclear missiles |
#302747 (279/407) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@ETJ> iTunes handles new computers in the stupidest way possible.
<@ETJ> Instead of saying "Oh. This is an iPod. Here, let me move all that shit onto here for you and duplicate your playlists so that you wont have to redo them."
<@ETJ> It says "Fuck you." |
#302976 (245/357) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[@tank] there's a gay porn called Hungry for Hungary
[@tank] there should have been a whole series like that
[@tank] Budapest Butts, Croatian Cocks
[@tank] etc
<@JohnnyDoe> Switzerland sucks :-D
<+dlong> Azerbaijanian Asses
<+dlong> Danish Dicks
[@thechosenone] Ethiopian Enemas
<+dlong> Finnish Fucks
[@thechosenone] German Goatses!!!
<@JohnnyDoe> Inside India
<+dlong> Jamacian Jailbait
[@thechosenone] Kinky Kenya
[@thechosenone] Monaco Man-Meat
<@JohnnyDoe> Liberia Libido
<cs^> [@thechosenone] Nicaraguan Nipples
<+dlong> Oceaniac Oral
<+dlong> Penises from Paraguay
<@JohnnyDoe> Quickie in Qatar
[@thechosenone] Ravenna Rim-jobs
<+dlong> Trannies in Tahiti
<@JohnnyDoe> Uganda Urinals
<+dlong> Vacuums in Vatican City
[@thechosenone] Vanatuan Vaginas
<+dlong> This is supposed to be gay porn
<+dlong> Watersports in Wakanda
<cs^> [@thechosenone] Xin-XXX
<@JohnnyDoe> Should have been Watersports in West Bank
[@thechosenone] old country names count? ;) otherwise i can't find an X
<hellix> zombie sex in zanzibar
<hellix> wait, what
[@thechosenone] Yugoslavia Youths |
#307868 (166/238) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Greed> You guys wanna hear something fucked?
<olleman> we're on the internet, after all
koala_bot waits for it
<Greed> The previous owner of my cell phone number died in a car crash involving a drunk driver.
<Greed> His mom, who has dementia, calls me 10-14 times per week and leaves messages asking when 'Thomas' is going to come home and stop dallying around with his friends
<Greed> Or when he's going to come vistit her
<Greed> Or asking Thomas what's for dinner
<Greed> Or pleading with him to call her more
<olleman> dude.
<Greed> And if I pick up the number and explain to her that I'm not Thomas
<Suppa_Spic> :3
<Greed> She'll argue and cry and plead with me to stop messing with her
<Greed> And this happens on almost a daily basis
<Greed> Sometimes she'll call me at 2AM and ask me where I am
<Greed> Why I'm not at home eating cornbread
<olleman> that is heart breaking
<Suppa_Spic> Greed: tell her her son is dead
<Greed> And when I pick up the phone now and again and tell her that she has the wrong number, that Thomas isn't even part of this world anymore
<Greed> She gets angry and even more sad and yells at me to stop playing sick games with her
<Greed> And because of the Dementia, she doesn't remember each encounter the next day
<Greed> Every day is just a replay of the day before he died for her
<WordpressNoob> wait
<WordpressNoob> your number is tied to your phone not a SIM?
<WordpressNoob> get off CDMA man
<Greed> Google Voice.
<Greed> Actually no, the number she calls is the phone's
<chiper> I'd have gotten a new number a long time ago
<Greed> Nobody else knows that number but she and I
<Greed> I mean
<Greed> I can't do that
<Greed> I don't know what it would do to her if every time she called him (Once or twice a day), she got a dead line |
#309242 (64/88) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Elizacat> our government couldn't stop a baby from choking on a plastic bag if it was on the congressional floor
<Elizacat> half of the house would say the baby should be allowed to die
<Elizacat> from its own stupidity
<Elizacat> and the other half would be too busy attaching riders to the bill to take the bag off the baby's head
<Elizacat> so in the end, the bill to remove the bag from its head, would contain funding packages for at least 10 gov't agencies
<Elizacat> then the senate would bicker that it's GOP legislation to remove the bag and that there should be a total ban on all bags everywhere
<Elizacat> in the end a supreme court ruling would rule it's unconstitutional to remove the bag from the baby's head, rendering it moot
<Elizacat> during all this
<Elizacat> obama just stays silent
<Elizacat> and prefers to focus on the fiscal cliff
<Andy> DISTRACTION |
#309641 (59/83) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
ttvd: i can dress my roomba in french maid outfit
ttvd: sadly, probably not the oddest thing i have doneComment: EFnet
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#311372 (62/84) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
phobos: Windows gave a BSOD while installing the nvidia-drivers, so I blew it away and installed Linux.
Silver_Fox: Sure. I rebuild the house too when the fridge fails.
phobos: If the house were designed and built by Microsoft, you'd have to. |
#5300 (7765/11769) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other. |
#177 (441/654) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Lepper> i told my roommate's girlfriend that she needs to hook me up with some chicks
<Lepper> and she's like "dude, i bring my friends over... and all you do is play video games!" |
#9978 (307/450) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
adam_afe > I just got a nice email from the most beautiful woman in the world :~)
adam_afe >Laura!! :-)
Urthworm_afe > what does she say?
adam_afe > err..
adam_afe > "Fuck off and stop emailing me you stupid worthless gimp." |
#8135 (268/392) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Starlet> <--- law student. future lawyer.
<Jerub> <-- computer programmer. future defendant. |
#7239 (227/333) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<fo0bar> fuck, how do I contact the IRS?
<egon> cheat on your taxes... they'll contact you. |
#1562 (277/405) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
*** C2H5OH has joined #finalfight
<MightyQuinn> greetings, Mr. Ethanol
<Rico> Mmm... caffeine.
<Squizzle> Wow, one of you failed organic chem. |
#35071 (375/553) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<jayce[hoopsking]> its always weird encountering people still using dialup
<jayce[hoopsking]> its like meeting someone who still churns their own butter |
#35962 (235/343) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@ecks> what the fuck
<@ecks> okay, i was just outside... this bird flew down from a tree, flew like 20 feet, took a shit on my dad's thunderbird, and then flew anothe 20 feet back to the tree
<@ecks> it couldn't fucking take a shit in the tree?
<%r0bin> Would you like to shit on your sofa? |
#49170 (363/535) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Twin`> teacher spelled his name wring
<Twin`> wrong
<|silicon> nice how irony stepped in ther
<|silicon> e
<|silicon> dammit |
#49772 (424/626) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<kyrih> I'm out, cya all!
<DM> me 2
* DM is now known as DM-off
* kyrih is now known as kyrih-off
* merc is now known as merc-off
* logan is now known as logan-off
<jack> well...maybe not |
#49903 (362/532) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<mrmitch> question
<ObsidianX> answer
<ObsidianX> man, that was easy |
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