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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..44454647484950..599Next> |
#70385 (453/623) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
oompaloompaboy89: i got into a fight wit a 5 year old
Kuro Desir: o_O
Kuro Desir: OVER WHAT!?
oompaloompaboy89: who is better batman or superman
oompaloompaboy89: i was wearing a batman shirt and this kid wad wearing a superman shirt
oompaloompaboy89: and he points at mine and says "superman is better"
oompaloompaboy89: so i said fuck off and of course since hes 5 he dousnt know what fuck off means
oompaloompaboy89: so we start argueing and it ends with both of us making faces at each other |
#60934 (465/639) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<mikedep333> while I appreciate the attempt of ubuntu to be user friendly, automatically connecting to my neighbor's unencrypted wireless network is technically illegal for meComment: #ubuntu on freenode
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#60930 (468/644) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Greenbox> the place i ordered chicken parmesan from forgot the chicken
<Greenbox> so instead of calling and complaining, like a normal person would
<Greenbox> I used asterisk and called them from the number of the department of health
<Greenbox> and told them a random screening of their food had just been conducted, and they failed miserably
<Greenbox> so they were ordered not to serve food until an inspection later today
<Ignite> ROFL
<Kevin> rofl
<Ignite> hahahahahhaha
<Kevin> <3 GreenboxComment: #controlthesystem on irc.xelix.net
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#53570 (372/510) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
reverend: so, I was fired..
reverend: A few weeks ago, I was on qdb and read about this guy getting "assless fursuits" on a Google search.
reverend: .. so I was curious..
reverend: And a week later, my supervisor came up and told me my computer was being monitored at the time, and had a screen capture of a big picture which showed my browser window - "Google Results for 'Assless Fursuits' "
reverend: seems they have standards about this kind of thing. |
#53326 (342/468) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<JokerzWild> my sis went into court today
<JokerzWild> with 1 charge
<JokerzWild> came out with 4Comment: irc.crazyass.net #crazyass
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#35545 (413/567) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<flouch> i spilled mt.dew on my crotch
<flouch> now it looks as if i wet myself
<XX01XX> Interesting... because I piss on myself and then tell people I just spilled Mt Dew
<SiFL> which is also interesting because i piss in mt. dew containers and tell peoples its soda |
#49737 (493/679) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Yrederemnul> heh, I just noticed
<Yrederemnul> M T W T F S S
<Yrederemnul> there's a 'what the fuck' in the middle of the week |
#49489 (413/567) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<evilAdmin> LMFAO... Dude, I've been reading too much bash.org... You know how I'm resigning wednesday, right?
<0_o> yah, and?
<evilAdmin> Well, I figured I'd try something. I walked into the b0sses office and said, word fo' word, Gimme a raise or I'll tell your wife everything...
<0_o> okay...
<evilAdmin> I've gone fron $22.5/hour to $26/hour...
<0_o> wtf? It worked?
<evilAdmin> Maybe I shouldn't quit after all.. I wonder how many times I can pull that before he fires me :P. |
#35843 (486/670) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* Akujin watches porn
<Akasha> aku are you ALWAYS watchin porn?
<Akujin> When your neighbor is a 21 year old chick who masturbates with the blinds open, then yesComment: irc.starfusion.org
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#45437 (296/404) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Drew> next to that one i found funny is the barcode reader at Regal (movie theater)
<Drew> it had a warning
<Drew> do not look into laser
<Drew> it had it in braille tooComment: #cam, irc.drivemeinsane.com
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#38197 (251/341) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Fennec> gumby_jd: I know. A "you have been drafted" spam scam! :)
<vAE86> Fennec: that's so funny, and it'd prolly work
<@Scoth> Fennec: The sad thing is it'd probably work
<@Scoth> Yeah
<@Scoth> Just a simple "You have been drafted, call this number to confirm and get flight arrangements" and see how many call
<vAE86> all you'd have to say, is call 1800 4 usarmy, for details on how to get ahold of your recruiter and tell him you've been drafted.
<vAE86> those evil recruiters would suck them right up
<@Scoth> Haha. That'd be so evil. The caller thinks they've been drafted, the recruiter things someone is volunteering, no one would be the wiser until later
<vAE86> until it was beyond hope
<@Scoth> *fade into a scene in Iraq, two soldiers chatting* "So, why'd you join?" "I got drafted. Stupid Bush." "What? There is no draft." "What? I got an e-mail..." "Oh, that's a scam. Haha!" "Crap.." |
#74555 (589/815) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<micksam7> spling isn't back yet
<micksam7> he was suppose to be home today
<micksam7> hm
<micksam7> maybe he needs to be like.. lured or something
<micksam7> like in that pokemon game or whatever. you need to like, put something out to get them to come or something
* micksam7 thinks
* micksam7 ties some toast to a string
* micksam7 sets it on the floor and hides behind a couch 2 feet away
* spling joins #stats
* micksam7 has just caught a spling! |
#60376 (578/800) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@timmo> "Adventurer" (in video games) is a euphemism for "Violent kleptomaniac" |
#52074 (408/562) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Dogan> man, it's so nice to upgrade your camera from 16 mb to 1024 mb
<Dogan> pictures meter is just 9999 no matter what
<Dogan> it feels like i've picked up an infinite ammo cheat or something |
#47823 (405/557) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<TheYamiUsagi> Halo is like Christianity. It's probably okay, but the ignorant fan base ruined it for me. |
#42137 (534/738) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Bisclaveret> Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<Bisclaveret> A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; its conditions are improving every day. Any reports of its lack of incandescence are delusional spin from the liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effort. Why do you hate America? |
#37257 (255/347) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<ProdigySim> We should have had him bring a TV back from Japan
<ProdigySim> so we could pirate Japanese TV shows!
<Juggerneko> Did you have the stupid for supper, or was it just an appetizer? |
#311675 (38/48) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<worf_> ... FML
<worf_> "how to prevent Edge from reopening a page after a crash?"
<worf_> 1. unplug your ethernet cable and disable your wifi connection
<worf_> 2. start edge, which wont be able to load the page that is causing the crash because there is no internet connection
<worf_> 3. close the offending tab |
#310271 (43/55) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< nokocode> is there a help channel available?
< Master_Lyon> this is the help channel
< Master_Lyon> for c++
< Master_Lyon> there is also ##c++-general and ##c++-social
< pakcjo> no ##c++-haters? :( so sad
< kalven> pakcjo: this channel doubles as thatComment: freenode ##c++
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#309837 (73/95) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<refnum> kish: last time I slept with this girl she put her dogs in the middle of the bed
<refnum> like wtf
<refnum> it was like a clear separation
<ogz> HAHA
<ogz> DOGBLOCKED |
#308993 (75/101) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<PL> you really dont need pickup lines in Finland
<PL> It was really romantic how i met my wife
<PL> i found her puking at my bathroom (we had my friends 20yo party here)
<PL> that was love at first sight <3 |
#305381 (264/360) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Dragonshadow> Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know. |
#304248 (576/798) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Sebas> So on his death bed, Tiger Woods' grandad told him "Tiger... If you want to be the best some day, concentrate on your golf, and fuck everything else." |
#302145 (411/565) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< incluye> Oh my fucking are you serious
< incluye> Today's the day for Lesson 4.04 in Modern World Studies in my online course.
< incluye> GUESS WHAT ERROR I GET WHEN I GO TO IT |
#256043 (429/591) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<GargajCNS> i'm going to fucking kill myself right now so i can submerge to hell and work there for years to get a promotion, so by the time other people die, i'll be in a position to torture their fucking souls for getting on my fucking nerves at work |
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