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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..28293031323334..599Next> |
#212748 (471/613) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<souphiee>: k
<souphiee>: on the application it says "how long are you planning to work here"
<souphiee>: should i just write "as long as you'll have me"?
<frenchie218>: no
<frenchie218>: write "UNTIL THE RAPTURE" |
#306449 (319/413) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<sXe> so, I was on Omegle today and I met a guy from India
<crosseyes> You don't say.
<sXe> He didn't speak English (go figure) but I asked if he knew any words.
<sXe> He replied with "Autobots, roll out!". No lie. |
#15920 (471/614) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+kmad> whats the best way to get vaseline off your dick
<@BigJesus> sand paper
<+royceda59> lol
<+kmad> fuck you, not fallign for that again |
#27801 (488/636) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jwz> I met a guy who was a freshman at berkeley who had just arrived from india, and he said, "I can't take the beggars here seriously. they have legs." |
#110 (674/885) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Ohtani> one day I will kill ever person on earth who says 'u' instead of 'u'
<Ohtani> err
<kaientai> Ohtani: Planning a suicide run? |
#53924 (474/618) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<triavox> :( i just missed an oppurtunity for being laid and got slapped in the face instead. anyone want to hear about it so they can humiliate me with their laughter?
<mj_> hahahah triavox
<SuperJuan> hell yeah
<triavox> this chick from my old high school came to my door at 8:30 asking if she could borrow a bar of soap(btw she lives like two BUILDINGS down from me so im thinking 'wtf is she doing all the way over here asking to borrow a bar of soap??"). so im like "uh yeah sure one second, wait out here".
<triavox> so i get the soap and give it to her, she goes "thanks" and just stands there. im like standing there.. my mind is blank. so im like "ok." and close the door. ten seconds later she knocks again and gives me back the soap and shouts "GET A CLUE DUDE!" so im says "what the hell you talkin about?" and she just laughs and walks away. only NOW do i get it, and i feel like breaking something. |
#50848 (389/505) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< jiteo> I remember calling my ISP asking about getting a static IP
< jiteo> poor guy on the other end was so happy to have someone with brains to
talk to
< jiteo> and actually get asked a question that makes sense
< jiteo> on that day I brought warm fuzzies in his life
< jiteo> I will forever be proud
< KrakensDen> :)
< KrakensDen> did you get one?
< jiteo> no |
#57047 (2440/3240) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mel>People make misstakes daniel, ive made plenty misstakes but i try not to make the smae misstake three times
<Mel> same* |
#50274 (458/600) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Shivra-Aphoditie> I don't want 2 sit here and be insulted!
<Vredig> Then the internet probably isn't for you. |
#42327 (448/584) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lanmut> what is a haiku?
<Lanmut> i have heard of them before...
<Lanmut> but never seen one |
#31823 (555/731) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ihatestan> god I hate my little brother
<ihatestan> its my mothers birthday and I got her a Amethyst necklace
<ihatestan> than out of no where my brother goes "mom has +3 strengh" |
#20571 (444/579) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<ArcticFox> uugh.. I wish I had food.. all I have left are fudgecicles.
<Falkon> How much health do they give?
<Falkon> ...I did not just say that.
<ArcticFox> ...
<ArcticFox> THEY GIVE ME JUST ENOUGH HP TO KICK YOUR ASS. |
#311282 (69/85) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<AndyWojo> If I were coming up with a package manager, I'd name it just
<AndyWojo> 'just install tmux'
<AndyWojo> and instead of a -f for forcing dependencies: 'just fucking install tmux' |
#297599 (401/521) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<R0b0t1> "Honestly I think all those people who say Bin Laden has weapons of mass destruction are stupid. Destroying mass is against the laws of thermodynamics!"
<leymoo> ...
<leymoo> you sir, win the award of the "biggest groan I'll do today" competition |
#297012 (433/565) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
ambulance: on my dryer machine the ignition knob is an oven knob for some reason
ambulance: I turn it to 'broil' to start my dryer |
#310631 (31/37) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Jigsy> So in Civil War re-enactment school I was voted most likely to secede. |
#301599 (403/525) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Jingleboy: Love how the Business version of Vista has "have fun on your PC" unticked |
#303571 (598/784) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<CoJaBo> There was a moth icon on a site I just visited.
<CoJaBo> I thought it was an ad so I mousover'd to adblock it.
<CoJaBo> And it FLEW IN MY EYE D: |
#308166 (178/228) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<macduff> I bought Jake and his wife a fuck swing for their wedding present.
<h00k> How thoughtful.
<macduff> He claims they don't use it, but I've been to their house and in the corner of the bedroom there's a fern hanging from a suspiciously large eye bolt. |
#162518 (544/712) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Raws> that was epic
<Raws> so I called western union, right
<Raws> and I get this texan lady on the phone with a long drawl
<Raws> shes all like "you are aware that this is probably a fraud you stupid effing moron" and I just say
<Raws> "don't worry ma'am"
<Raws> "I'm from the internet"
<Raws> it just came out of my mouth
<sboob> LMFAO
<Raws> she just said "ok" |
#220552 (336/436) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
redux: oh god, this bug bite is killing me
redux: i am not enjoying my hot chocolate lol
Queue: try pouring it over the bite, Hot Chocolate has a natural compound that extracts the poisons
redux: really? thanks
redux: OH FUCKING GOD THAT BURNS
redux: you fucking bitch, my skin is all red now
***redux is now offline |
#305947 (248/320) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+wklyver> man, you ever get something to work, but you aren't quite sure how
<+Cuntism> i made my gf cum once
<+Cuntism> does that count |
#197642 (549/719) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Foxhill> lmfao @ a debt collection agency agreeing to my offer of paying off 8086.98 in monthly installments of a pound
<Foxhill> "final repayment month - November 2694"
<Foxhill> and thats WITHOUT interest |
#299844 (398/520) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Jafet> How the hell does youtube order its comments anyway?
<FauxFaux> Most annoying first. |
#295402 (297/385) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<incesticide> fine, you can have ops
<incesticide> but first you must answer this skill testing question
<incesticide> you are in a race, and overtake the person in second place
<incesticide> what is 2+2?
<cj> SECOND, BITCH!
<cj> oh fuck |
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