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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..256257258259260261262..599Next> |
#42484 (103/219) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Paratus> i don't have a girlfriend because that shit, in my experience, ends in pain and heatbreak and fucking angst and linkin parkComment: #geekissues
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#43499 (133/287) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< ix> ive never seen a girl who was good at a first person shooter.
< ix> other games ive seen girls be good at, though.
< ix> like friggin sims 2.. my sister manages like 18 sims at once. :O
<@Volsus> like the Sims?
<@Volsus> haha
< ix> shes so good at it.
<@Volsus> how did I know
< ix> cause that's like the only game girls are good at
<@Volsus> My mom got a papercut while playing solitaire on the computer
<@Volsus> I was like wtfComment: #maddox
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#46633 (122/262) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Evilmice> anyway brb nature is calling
<Evilmice> and it sounds nasty
<Spaniard> you have a beatiful way with words |
#48027 (171/373) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Alman> lmao okay so i was at work today and i was running some backstock when I came across this product called "Zatarain's New Orleans Style Dirty Rice"
<Alman> I didn't think much of it until I looked at the directions:
<Alman> "just add water" |
#50220 (196/430) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Foicite> Nothing brightens your day like Japanese girls gasping and moaning as they laud your sexual prowess. |
#53379 (160/348) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Omnica> AH fuck me, I just told this 12 year old girl "haha my tounges long enough to touch my hose" trying to make nice conversatin with my girlfiends sister, she called me a pedo and blocked me fuck |
#34141 (140/304) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Josh> wow. my great-grandmother died :(
<serenade> sry
<serenade> feel better u
<Josh> well, on one hand I'm sad that she died
<Josh> on the other hand she was a total bitch that alienated the entire family and caused untold amounts of greif
<serenade> ah
<serenade> similar situation with my great grandma
<serenade> we wanted to speed things up, so we got her to start smoking
<serenade> she used to light the cigs backwards
<serenade> funny as hell |
#34319 (198/436) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<S_R> I just made the weirdest thing I've ever tasted
<rpop> now put it back in the toiletComment: #geekissues efnet
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#34686 (142/308) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Guyver3> wow
<Guyver3> you get a cubicle
<Guyver3> i sit in an open room with no walls
<Guyver3> and a lot of desks
<Guyver3> like a secretary pool circa the 50s
<Guyver3> its called the NOC
<Guyver3> but marketing sits in there too
<Guyver3> and the door is always open, so customers can walk in and out with our tools and bug the shit out of us :)
<Guyver3> but hey
<Guyver3> at least we host porn
<Guyver3> .... |
#35206 (201/443) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Rjx> I seriously need to take a piss
<Rjx> but the door is blocked up
<Neon[UK]> why?
<Rjx> bats
<Rjx> got to keep them out
<Rjx> I may have to pee out the windowComment: #geekissues
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#36107 (87/187) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<oD`Marius> Anyone got a clue how to effectively thaw and heat rice thats already been cooked and has been frozen for a while? (msg me)
<oD`Marius> supplemental: no microwave available
<shad> boil water, put rice in water? :?
<oD`Marius> Problem solved \o/ thanks for the help o// \\o |
#38316 (117/251) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Miyomei2: I had my portable CD player, and took it in the bathroom with me while I went to pee.
Miyomei2: And the second I whipped my penis out, the theme song to 'Rocky' started playing.
Miyomei2: I've never felt more manly than in that moment. |
#38960 (113/243) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Crest> help! my cell phone won't stop vibrating
<NJX180> wanna trade? |
#40487 (112/240) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<SpazMatt> gah i just realized my zipper was down but the sad thing is I noticed when my dog was eyeing my pants |
#43500 (130/280) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(eve`) girls don't fart
(mrsalvado) That is the biggest lie ever.
(mrsalvado) I mean Santa Claus + The Easter Bunny is a smaller lie, together.
(Ravenclaw) THE EASTER BUNNY IS A LIE?!
(Riftwalkr) WTF SPOILERS
(Ravenclaw) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(Riftwalkr) ASSHOLE |
#44119 (142/308) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Nitrix> So we have this really retarded blonde in our Chem class, and she had just gotten back from a Cruise in Mexico. Apparently she met JEssica Simpson on the cruise (She did have a buncha pictures with her). She was like "Yah! She's like really cool and not as dumb as everyone thinks, we had some cool conversations!"
<Nitrix> I'm like Yah sure ya did proily when like this:
<Nitrix> "What are you think about?"
<Nitrix> "Nothing"
<Nitrix> Oh my god me too! |
#46200 (120/258) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<kryptech> I saw this hot girl who wore this sweater that said in big white letters "RFC"
<kryptech> too bad, I couldnt concentrate on her hotness
<kryptech> all I could think about was protocol standardizations |
#46482 (146/318) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<polychromophilia> I wouldn't be caught DEAD with a necrophiliac... |
#48334 (134/294) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<r0y2> did you dump barfgirl ThreeZee
<ThreeZee> yeah
<ThreeZee> she drove her car into a lake
<ThreeZee> shes dead
<r0y2> seriously
<r0y2> ?
<ThreeZee> no.
<ThreeZee> but i keep telling myself that |
#50726 (151/329) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
wietz0r: I got a poem
wietz0r: I wish
wietz0r: I wish
wietz0r: I wish not for a big house
wietz0r: Or a large car
wietz0r: I wish for something small
wietz0r: Possibly with side-bars
wietz0r: I wish
wietz0r: I wish
wietz0r: I wish only one wish
wietz0r: And that is to never ever fucking sneeze in someones face during sex again
BernardBlack: ahahahahhhahahahaha
BernardBlack: "oh god katie, I -=ATCHOO=-"
BernardBlack: now that would be an orgasm and a half
BernardBlack: *sneeze* *sperm* "er, ok2 |
#50879 (140/304) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@pixeldust> i dunno whats getting me higher, the weed i smoked or the Febreeze I use to mask the smell. that shit is pretty strong. |
#51339 (140/304) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(MrMystery) are you an annoying whiner in real life too?
(NouberNou) yea
(NouberNou) i try to be as real on the internet as i am in real life, since the internet is real life
(NouberNou) you would probably sock me in the face if you ever met me :P
(MrMystery) I don't do that
(NouberNou) i dont know, you would probably end up making an exception for me
(NouberNou) GOD DAMN IT MY DAD HAS BEEN ON THE CAN FOR LIKE 40 MINUTES NOW
(MrMystery) ...maybe you're right |
#56804 (142/308) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Karlprof> NEW RECORD!
<Karlprof> I just drove someone out a channel on Freenode in *two* lines!
<Karlprof> -->| fred_basset has joined ##anything
<Karlprof> <Karlprof> I read your nick as 'breast_feed', fred.
<Karlprof> <Karlprof> I just thought you should know that.
<Karlprof> <fred_basset> thanks
<Karlprof> <--| fred_basset has left ##anything |
#61023 (201/443) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<LinearA> so my boss emails me this resume for a 10AM interview
<LinearA> within 5 mins I trace the email address to a handle to an adultfriendfinder account.
<LinearA> !! Why can't people be more careful !!
<LinearA> "Need Hot Top To Fill Me UP!!" |
#66161 (131/283) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Metalcore: see, the lack of emotion i could ALMOST deal with.
Metalcore: if you know, she would ever talk to me.
Metalcore: it's like squeezing water from a rock.
Metalcore: but not just any rock.
Metalcore: like, a rock that exists in a universe that lacks the hydrogen and oxygen atoms. |
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