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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..134135136137138139140..599Next> |
#10914 (229/398) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Random> "Mosh pit. Well-concealed tazer. Hours of endless entertainment." |
#33272 (254/444) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
[@Alexia]There should be a sticker at the bottom left of America saying, "Made in China" |
#34357 (194/336) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Sooozi> any1 here into Coprophagy?? (if you don't know what it is, don't ask, you are NOT into it!)
* Impi sets mode: +b *!*@36559CAD.FF54522A.212ECD0E.IP
* Sooozi was kicked by Impi (eat shit) |
#35308 (322/568) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<davvinc> hi can anyone help me with a problem with my msn?
<%Segosa> ok.. what's wrong
<davvinc> my daughter put a pic on my msn page and i want to get it off
<%Segosa> ...
<%Segosa> ooh
<%Segosa> how old is your daughter?
<davvinc> 14
<%Segosa> ooh
<%Segosa> got pictures? |
#37830 (156/268) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Exar Khan 666 : there are certain aspects about me that i want exactly the same in a potential mate and there are things that I would never want her to have
Yesterday Dying : like a penis
Exar Khan 666: I'm talking personality wise but yes that would be at the top of the list |
#42876 (172/296) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Bane: i need to make messes in my house and clean them up with paper towels in front of my parents more often...
HeadShot: lol
HeadShot: what for
Bane: so my parents won't get suspicious when they stop buying as many paper towels when i go off to college |
#43091 (201/349) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(@Hidden_Hunter): My teacher was telling me that we had to write a creative story
(@Hidden_Hunter): few questions later she gets to me
(@Hidden_Hunter): and I ask if it can be an erotic story (jkingly)
(@Hidden_Hunter): she said that it needed to be creative
(@Hidden_Hunter): so i said what if it has banannas and spacegirls in it
(@Hidden_Hunter): she said it also needed suspense
(@Hidden_Hunter): i said no problem
(@Hidden_Hunter): the suspense is where the bananna wentComment: #osbetaarchive
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#43508 (135/233) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<sEcretz> What happened was i was watchin porn on my PC and i blacked out. My mum found me unconcious on the floor with my dick out and porn on the screen. She hasnt spoken to me since. |
#46477 (195/337) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Goat> see? Look at how cool it is. That's why i put it as my homepage.
<girl__> Goat: change your nick. "Goatse? Look at how cool it is. That's why i put it as my homepage."
*** "Goat" is now known as "Tub"
<Tub> Girl, I love thee for pointing that out. =) |
#52660 (164/282) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Log> Ugh...
<@Log> Don't ever jump into a car like they do in the Dukes Of Hazzard.
<@Log> Unless of course you WANT to get sodomised by the gear shift. :( |
#59734 (266/466) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
KingFelix: Oh, dear, that's funny. Glad I caught that!
KingFelix: I just created a new account for the Naval Academy on one of our services, & the randomly-generated password came out as "KILLNAVY". had to fix that right quick! |
#62745 (272/476) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(@_MB_) so
(@_MB_) how was thailand
(@Euan) pretty awesome actually
(@Euan) did loads and loads of cool stuff
(@Euan) how was internet
(@_MB_) pretty awesome actually
(@_MB_) did loads and loads of cool stuff
(@Euan) yeah?
(@_MB_) no :( |
#62907 (227/395) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
k2xl: being single vs having a steady girlfriend can be related to working
k2xl: having a steady girlfriend is like working steadly for a 'company'
k2xl: yes, it ensures you moeny and gives you many 'benefits', you can rest easy at night knowing that you have a 'job' waiting for you the next mornin. when new 'offers' come up your company has to increase your 'benefits' or you might lose interest with the company.
k2xl: however, on the bad side, it's hard to leave your company that you've worked with for so long, and you never know if you quit your 'company' that you could find a better one. Plus, some companies work you long hours without pay and barely give any days off.
k2xl: on the contrary, if you stay single, it's like freelancing.
k2xl: you can pick and choose 'better looking' work
k2xl: but some months you have tons of 'work' and some months you 'can't get any'
k2xl: because, as they say, and yes with pun intended, 'jobs' don't always fall into your lap ;) |
#33614 (231/407) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<aphr0> hm
<aphr0> 785 copies of winrar are now opening
<aphr0> damn shitty mouse |
#34730 (251/439) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<SubLimeR> thank god for neighbors
<SubLimeR> i was watching tv a few hours earlier and i fell asleep
<SubLimeR> the kids came home from school and i had the door locked
<SubLimeR> and i didn't hear it because i'm a really heavy sleeper, and i wake up and i yell "OMG WHERE ARE THE KIDS?!"
<SubLimeR> so i call next door to ask if they've seen them and my buddy's wife says, "yeah dipshit you locked your god damn kids out"Comment: ah the simple joys of parenting
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#40740 (171/295) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<mohadib> so anyone got any suggestions for a good mysql disaster recovery plan?
<Toxik> mohadib, erm.. you go rm -rf / and then reinstall linux/gentoo r11 with 2.6.8 kernel and install mysqld?
<mohadib> ok so you got the disaster... now how do i recover? |
#44247 (188/326) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<vhold> "a government mandated wireless protocol that transmits to the receiver how many calories and other nutritional information they will receive from their food purchase."
<Skud> vhold: wtf?
<vhold> I just made that up and put it in quotes to make more interesting |
#50042 (221/385) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Jeff: I didnt know how to do a problem
Jeff: so I drew a giant pacman and wrote "pacman sez math is hard"
Jeff: teacher just wrote "Spelling -1"Comment: #aim
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#53593 (223/389) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
iReima: That reminded me of that one time
iReima: where I wanted to get this job at a kiosk, selling phones
iReima: the guy was all like
iReima: "Alright, how old are you?"
iReima: "....19. NO WAIT, 20!"
MitsukaiSiryuse: Lmao
iReima: "...I'm not gonna get the job, am I?"
MitsukaiSiryuse: Yeah, I did that during one interview
MitsukaiSiryuse: I stared at the guy
MitsukaiSiryuse: And went ".....Uh......"
MitsukaiSiryuse: "Hold on, let me calculate it real quick...1985......17"
MitsukaiSiryuse: "I should just walk out, shouldn't I?"
iReima: We fail, my friend |
#56743 (216/376) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<MootMan> Oi! I think my life is now complete.
<MootMan> Had to cool a clients PC because it was overheatin, the fan on the heatsink was garbled.
<MootMan> I had no replacements, but I had a un-opened can of Beer sitting by, fresh from the freezer (I like to supercool the stuff to near 0*C).
<MootMan> This particular can had a fairly flat serface. I only needed the PC for 5 minutes, anyways.
<MootMan> So I took some artic silver thermal goop, and spread it on the bottom of the beer can.
<MootMan> Stuck it on the proc (a P4), and put a 15lb Cisco book on it to hold it down.
<MootMan> Vola. Sub-ambient cooling.
<goombah> 0_0 thats like blapshemy dude
<MootMan> Who cares. And besides, who needs liquid nitro when you can use BEER? Toms Hardware - "10GHZ Overclocking on Grasshoppa!". |
#67052 (190/330) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<jessecrouch> any of you ever play those mmorpg sex/relationship games?
<f0rked> like, myspace?Comment: #null
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#92959 (485/865) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<matt> i had chinese food last night
<matt> it wasn't that good
<matt> so then i go to the bathroom this morning
<matt> and, after a less-than-pleasant experience
<matt> the toilet overflows when i flush.
<matt> so, my first thought is "oh SHIT"
<matt> then my second thought is "heh, yeah, shit, like literally too"
<matt> but then my third thought:
<matt> java.lang.ToiletOverflowError;
<matt> yeah
<matt> i hated myself too |
#128138 (287/505) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Options> well, guess my parents dont want me playing phoenix wright in the house anymore :(
<Sylon[DMS]|Around> throw your DS in their face and yell OBJECTION!
<Options> that is....AN AWESOME IDEA |
#171592 (203/353) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Jonis> fuckit
<Jonis> going out for a pack of fags
<stan> leaving efnet to find a pack of fags? seems counterproductive.Comment: efnet #ampedout
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#300676 (166/286) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ardchoille> Think I found a bug in the space time continuum.
<ardchoille> I put movies in the mailbox at 14:00 yesterday and Netflix has already received the movies.. it's 09:29 today.
<ardchoille> And the mail schedule for that mailbox says mail is picked up at 10:30 daily, except Sunday
<felipe> that's not bad. you could exploit that and return them before you rent them and not have to pay for any of it |
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