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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..115116117118119120121..599Next> |
#305982 (52/88) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Grievre> I just realized this was the best way to describe it
<Grievre> San francisco looks like a city designed by dr seuss
<Grievre> all the hills
<Grievre> houses are all pastel colors and different shapes
<Grievre> everyone wears weird outfits all the timeComment: #furaffinity on #furnet
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#306094 (55/85) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
yaoi_prophet: i see a red node and i want it painted black
yaoi_prophet: no children any more, i want it to turn black
yaoi_prophet: i see inserts go by, no matter how many nodes within
yaoi_prophet: i know that my tree's max height is bounded O(log n)Comment: #cobol
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#307141 (101/163) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<+ajackmeh20> You know I just thought of a Mad Men drinking game. Except it's rather simple. You just drink every time they do. You'll get drunk pretty quickly. |
#15 (728/1250) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<emufreak> I HATE CHANNEL TOPICS
<emufreak> WHY MUST THEY EXIST
<emufreak> AND WHY DO I STILL CLICK THEM WHEN THEY END IN .JPG |
#959 (235/393) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(Atarax) DrConway: They also had such a poorly designed network that I set my computer's IP to the IP of their gateway and took the entire college network down |
#2211 (224/374) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<CiXeL> apparently a customer got pissed at us this morning and sent our sales secretary goatse.cx as an attachment |
#2464 (228/381) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<NetShadow> this is going to sound pitiful... but can you tell me how to use a washing machine? |
#2940 (221/369) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<T_hibiki_> you catch your lady in bed with another man what do you do ?
<sparatik> tell him she has an STD |
#3748 (224/374) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<tomg> are there any programs that will scan a remote ip to see if there are any common trojans on it (I want this for GOOD use :))?
<JibberJim> Does anyone know where I can buy big guns, it's okay it's for a GOOD use.
<Eibon> I'm looking for anthrax. Anyone know where I can find some? |
#5427 (266/446) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<doctorb> goth clubs should serve coffee. ice cold coffee. with nails and broken glass. and call then 'depresso's |
#7083 (222/370) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<slog> Is Susan Sarandon too old to be considered "dooable"?
<Joe_> Yes.
<Kiler> I'd still do her
<Rain|Joker> She's borderline
<slog> that's 1 yes, 1 no, 1 maybe
<Pander> Desperation is the key factor.
<Kranrev> I'd say yes, but it would be creepy
<Lum_> Ben Franklin said of older women: "They know what they are doing, and they are eternally grateful".
<Lum_> in case you don't know your history Franklin was pretty much a slutpuppy |
#7801 (217/362) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(PJ) grrr
(PJ) a car alarm is going off
(PJ) OH FOR GOD SHAKES SOMEONE SHOOT THE DAMN CAR
(PJ) fuck
(PJ) its our car |
#9357 (230/383) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
*** bad-_-girl has joined #devil
<[DeViL]Man> hi bad girl
<[DeViL]Man> just how bad are you?
<bad-_-girl> vey bad
<bad-_-girl> very bad
<[DeViL]Man> bad at spelling? or something else? |
#11590 (233/389) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<ShockSMX> I have more important things to do right now than sitting in front of the computer... For example sitting behind the computer, where its safe and nobody will hurt me. |
#35161 (305/513) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<withnail> i could tell the relationship was coming to an end because i started backing up all my mp3s onto cd'sComment: #geekissues
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#35692 (303/509) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Roscoe> show me a cisco config
<Roscoe> and were talkin
* Amun pulls down pants
* Amun shows roscoe his cisco config
* Roscoe sees your running a small pipeComment: geeked
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#50384 (259/435) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<gpstratomaster> yea, but i make 15.63 an hour and i'm not complaining...
<BEST_LAOS_FLAG> I make approximately 3425 an hour, but our currency is devalued by unfair trade restrictions, and so i am really quite poor
<BEST_LAOS_FLAG> my spirit, however, is indominable!
<gpstratomaster> good for you!!!
<gpstratomaster> what do you do?
<gpstratomaster> for a job
<BEST_LAOS_FLAG> i work in factory for Tyco
<BEST_LAOS_FLAG> i make toys for small, disobedient American children
<gpstratomaster> nice...i had a r/c car when i was little |
#52170 (804/1382) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
QDB submitters, listen up:
1. Not using the comment field nearly always makes the quote funnier. For the person to understand the joke, the punchline should hit last. The comment field should ideally be moved to the top of the quote, but that's up to the people running the site.
2. Don't use the comment field for explaining context like they say on the submission page. When have you ever heard a funny joke in which someone tells it, pauses, and then says "oh yeah, and the three guys in the bar were lawyers," Explain these things before the funny part or the joke dies.
3. Leave off 'haha' or 'lol' at the end of quotes. Go look at some of the top quotes and add '<whoever> haha' to the end. See?
4. Fix misspellings and things. It's okay to want accuracy, but it's not that important here. There are a couple hilarious quotes where the punchline has an unrelated typo and it really throws the joke.
5. For one-liners and quips, the shorter it is the better. It's okay to edit for brevity and clarity.
6. The moderators are not facists. Your quote was rejected because it wasn't funny. It was funny to you, because you were there and you knew the people. Context is everything, and it's hard to detach yourself. Try changing the names in the quote to people you don't know and see if it still seems funny to you. If not, don't submit it.
7. Your quote will not be accepted just because you talk about the quote site. You are not the first person to think of self-reference. |
#52667 (191/317) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<kronus> AAAUGH
<kronus> HOLY CRAAAAP
<kronus> HEEEELP
<kronus> the heat in my house won't turn on
<kronus> and
<kronus> the temperature in my room right now is 57.3 F :/
<kronus> and
<kronus> i'm out of firewood
<kronus> so
<kronus> i have 4 ways to stay alive: F@H, P95, BF2, or HL2
<kronus> which is more processor intensive? |
#53679 (285/479) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
xyzzy314: lol i saw this mcdonalds advertisement
xyzzy314: "until you can illegally download food, this is your best deal - the mcdonalds dollar menu" |
#54224 (284/478) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<EFX> I saw a black guy with a shirt on the other day that said " keep staring, maybe I'll steal your car " |
#57801 (207/345) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<pram_handle> Google Ad:
<pram_handle> ESSAY PROOFREADERS: Our Expert Service Let's (sic) you kick back while we read! |
#57847 (276/464) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(Goat25) what is the volume of a pizza of radius z and thickness a ?
(Goat25) answer: pi z z a |
#73869 (273/459) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<GuyBridge> My mom wont let me get the wii because she thinks I might use the controller as a vibrator or something
<GuyBridge> >_< |
#33392 (278/468) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
< neotiger> it leads me to believe that IE is more fucked than the average japanese schoolgirl when in close proximity to an octopus |
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