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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..116117118119120121122..599Next> |
#33863 (330/558) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Backslash> You ATTEMPTED to commit suicide…?
<Backslash> Wow so every breathe you take is like a living testament to the fact that you can’t do anything right… |
#34843 (245/411) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@cyberdyn_> HAHAHA
<@cyberdyn_> This car in the parking lot just hit a cup and blew a tire
<@ramdond> @_@
<@cyberdyn_> It appears that there were nails in the cup |
#38458 (240/402) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
Ade: Yesterday
Ade: After I got off the computer
Ade: I had the weirdest experience.
Ade: I went out to take a walk with my lemonade.
Ade: And I didn't notice the sign next to my house
Ade: Which was that they were slurrying the street and it had to dry.
Ade: I went out bare-foot like I usually do.
Ade: And totally got stuck to the cement.
Ade: So I was out there
Ade: For like an hour
Ade: And some worker had to pull me out.
Hidatoshi: hahahaha
Ade: Totally sucked.
Hidatoshi: that's the greatest thing ive ever heard
Chexee: Me too. |
#51343 (238/400) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<wils0r> I was hearing about that guy
<wils0r> Jude Law or whatever
<wils0r> he has the best life ever
<loko> cuz hes fuckin the nanny or why
<wils0r> he fucked the nanny, and then his hot ass wife took him back, made him make up a list of all the girls he fucked
<wils0r> and now he is in trouble because he inadvertantly left kate moss off the list, who he had a 3some with
<wils0r> so wtf
<wils0r> does life get better than being able to forget about a 3some with kate moss |
#52311 (253/425) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<TriviaBot> Trivia: In 1973 israel shoots down 13 __________ mig-21s?
<synth> american
<Mike> syrian
<TriviaBot> Made Man Mike was correct. Answer: syrian Time: 11.281 Earnings: 33750 Rank: 78th
<synth> syria has planes?
<Mike> it did
<Mike> israel shot em all downComment: irc.jaundies.org #trivia
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#53339 (235/393) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<BigFish> aaah fuck, I'm gonna look like a right prat for the college photos today :(
<ruster> why?
<BigFish> I've got a black eye and a bruise right on my chin
<ruster> wtf, how'd that happen!?
<BigFish> well, I was at the womens kickboxing centre in town, chatting up this girl
<ruster> hehe, the girls there are hot
<BigFish> yeah, but anyway I was talking to her and she said "I'm not some cheap whore", can't remember what I said to get that reaction :S
<BigFish> and I thought to myself "yeah, you're an expensive one"
<ruster> lol
<BigFish> turns out I was thinking aloud... O_x |
#54567 (268/450) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<nox> hey sto, let's play a magic trick!
<nox> pick a card! BUT DONT TELL ME!
<sto> lol okay
<nox> it WASNT the 15 of Diamonds!
<sto> uh..yeah
<sto> er, what?
<nox> i like to do magic tricks with no room for error! |
#54639 (249/419) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Yaksha> I asked my brother what he wanted for Christmas.
<Yaksha> He said he wanted cold hard cash.
<Yaksha> So that's exactly what I gave him.
<Yaksha> I got 20 $1 bills, soaked them in water and put them in the freezer.
<Yaksha> When he got it, it was just a block of green ice that took a day to thaw. |
#55755 (267/449) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<GenericLoser> I know someone who wears the Apple-white earbud headphones, but doesn't actually have an iPod, nor any MP3 player, or even a CD player. He just puts the other end in his pocket and everyone assumes he does. |
#56616 (220/368) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<GenericLoser> I have a great commercial idea for Visa.
<GenericLoser> Have a really attractive girl stuff Visa cards down her shirt and pants.
<GenericLoser> "Visa: It's everywhere you want to be." |
#70213 (295/499) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<JamesF1> I was sat in a lecture today at Uni, and I saw drawn on the desk:
<JamesF1> "I graduate in 6 weeks, and I'm still immature enough to draw on desks"
<cmad> rofl!Comment: The joys of Cardiff University...
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#70483 (278/468) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(ChocoCid) Obviously I was either onto something, or on something.
(ChocoCid) -- Larry Wall on the creation of Perl
(BotlGnomz) And all these years later
(BotlGnomz) we still can't decide.Comment: #o-gaming on EFNet
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#101646 (1933/3373) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<@Foxhill> Skittles_Goddess - for something that is basically just an overly complex life support system for a vagina i haven't entered yet, you're pretty damn sexy |
#148979 (170/282) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
nugol: my buddy left his CRT monitor on and had a background of 'evertime you mastrubate god kills a kitten' and now 'masturbate' is burnt into the screen |
#294673 (386/656) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
(ail) DESCRIBE HER LABIA
(Iridium) Meaty
(ail) like a ham hock
(Iridium) Like the inglorious results of an apprentice butcher's first time with the saw.
(Char-) you have a way with words |
#301950 (401/681) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
PartyGirl1450981: I set VLC to always look for subtitle files and use them for the corresponding videos
PartyGirl1450981: and I set it to always use the english subs for Damnatus
PartyGirl1450981: so the bob ross video I'm watching is slightly grim dark
PartyGirl1450981: hes talking about a beautiful blue color to start off with
PartyGirl1450981: and the subs are talking about how the universe has devolved into a hell of eternal war
PartyGirl1450981: I muted it for extra lols
PartyGirl1450981: and he's painting a cloud into the sky
PartyGirl1450981: "HUMANITY HAS NO ALTERNATIVE" |
#306236 (187/311) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<BCMM> hah, trying to find "inactive ram" on wikipedia, but actually finding a study on asexuality in sheep
<BCMM> no kidding. |
#306336 (88/142) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
* evelyn has joined #8bitpeoples
<evelyn> sometimes i can only communicate in terms of the pushing and popping of stacks
<evelyn> very tragic for my family and friends
* evelyn has quit IRC (Quit: )
<ook> hey
<ook> dammit
<ook> i wanted to like
<ook> get her number or something |
#14608 (236/396) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<[ryan]> jack i have more mariokart hours than your airline pilot has flight hours on flights
<class> hours or not
<class> ill let my shells do the talking
<class> and your ass do the eating
<[ryan]> in a pure race i'd own you
<[ryan]> weapons only make things more complicated
<class> thats like saying 'when you take the hard element out of the game I ROCK |
#16195 (220/368) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Dss-tester> nuke u have a real bad additude
<@NitroX> no way, not nuke
<*Nuke> Im a sweetheart you stupid fuck |
#25460 (278/472) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<cevik> I've certainly met quite a few more violent christians ("lets go kill us some fags") than violent gays ("lets go break into someones house and decorate it!"). |
#27910 (222/374) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<Enrico> do you like your co-workers
<Thibster> I'd like them to leave me alone
<Enrico> have you tried shooting them... I bet you didn't.
<Thibster> no I tried
<Thibster> they respawn |
#28938 (227/381) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<DreamStiller> whats the advantage of php compared to servers like geocities?
<DrDoug> Well, php is a server side scripting language and geocities is just a steaming pile of shit. |
#29047 (275/463) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<wangschlong> So i was walking by some house
<wangschlong> and some hot girl was staring at me from the house
<wangschlong> so i go closer and shes still staring at me
<wangschlong> it turns out
<wangschlong> IT WAS A FUCKING LAMP |
#31160 (217/363) ↑Funny ↓Unfunny ⚐Flag
<kiad> wow
<kiad> my favourite professor just got a horrible rating
<kingmob> well, you can't take hotornot too seriously |
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