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#61180 (2421/2669) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
* Joins: redryan_
<Trinexx> ryan! :D
<Trinexx> dude, where you been at?
<redryan_> man, I have no fucking idea. I went outside to get the mail, next thing I know I've got a job and a social life |
#155550 (2420/2628) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<TEHd> walkin home last night from the bars, reasonably wasted, stumbling everywhere, etc.
<TEHd> cop pulls up alongside me and charlie
<TEHd> says "You boys been drinking tonight?" in a pissed off, you're getting a ticket voice
<TEHd> charlie stares directly in his eyes, waves his hand in front of him and says "these are not the drunks you are looking for, move along"
<TEHd> cop laughs his ass off and drives away |
#139795 (2413/2659) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
[+Tarball] ITT: Movie titles that described your first sexual experience.
[+Tarball] THERE WILL BE BLOOD
[+Timmy] lmao
[+Tarball] Gone in 60 seconds
[+Hatty] SNAKES ON A PLANE
[TheWickerMan] quiet down Hatty
[TheWickerMan] why don't you try HOME ALONE |
#94997 (2381/3141) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<nightwolf> What are your thoughts on chivalry? Do you hold the door open for women?
<nightwolf> Or do you rush through and let it close in her face?
<worrydream> I rush through and lock the door behind me. If she's able to climb through the window, she's a keeper.
<nightwolf> Do you open the window for her?
<worrydream> Yes. But it's the second-story window.
<nightwolf> Do you leave her a ladder?
<worrydream> No. I expect her to lash together a ladder out of rope and wood.
<nightwolf> Do you leave her rope?
<worrydream> No. I expect her to weave a rope out of natural available materials.
<worrydream> Grasses and vines and stuff.
<nightwolf> Do you leave her those materials?
<worrydream> I leave her seeds. |
#90232 (2378/2678) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<john1> hey how do i send a pm? :)
<john1> guys?
<quit> put a / before target's name then your message
*** john1 has quit IRC (like this? :))
<Karg> ...Oh man.
<Karg> That was almost too perfect. |
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#5523 (2376/5307) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<Opcode> i was gonna call 911...but i was downloading a file |
#38 (2371/5321) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<Relevant> get oral_sex_training_video.mpg
<Relevant> Oops wrong window. |
#31211 (2368/4592) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<gorilla> if i added up all the penis enlargement emails i have, i would be entitled to, with a money back guarantee, a 14 foot 9 inch penisComment: #gtaforums @ irc.mikernet.org
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#133573 (2363/2681) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
(meander) Newfoundland is like calling a place Untitled Document
(meander) i bet its the default name for discovered land
(meander) and they just clicked Ok
(meander) now all other countries have to start out as Newfoundland 2 |
#32939 (2339/2987) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<goatasaur> what do you call a black guy flying an airplane?
<blah> i refuse to anwser that
<blah> im probably wrong
<goatasaur> a PILOT, you racist |
#73364 (2337/2629) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<titan-x> hey everybody
<Lowkey> hey john, where the fuck you been?!
<titan-x> i was in a wreck in my friends car. snow and ford explorers do not go well together
<Lowkey> holy shit
<titan-x> i got alot of morphine though
<titan-x> apparently the first night they had me on the drip i managed to wriggle out of the restraints i had on because they noticed me acting weird after they put me on the morphine
<titan-x> according to the nurse i spoke to, and accounts from my wife after she woke up, i was running up and down the halls, with the morphine IV still attached and the bag dragging behind me
<titan-x> and as this was going on, she tells me i was yelling this:
<titan-x> "THE COMMUNISTS HAVE CONTROL OF GRAND CENTRAL STATION AND THEY WILL BRING THE COMMIE TRAINS TO TOWN! WE MUST WARN THE MAYOR CHOO CHOO"
<Lowkey> w..t..f
<titan-x> that was kindof my reaction when she told me. i really cannot put my finger on that one. |
#15641 (2309/5044) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<superwoman> I had a boyfriend once that made me suck him off while I had a mouthful of beer.
<GrandCow> HAHAHAHA that was me bitch!
<superwoman> DANNY?!?!?!
<GrandCow> MOM?!?!?!?! |
#203271 (2297/2945) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<Croc> Okay well I got this new girl home
<Croc> One thing led to another and you know
<Croc> well in the awkward moment after sex
<Croc> but before anything else happened yet
<Croc> I had the strangest impulse
<Croc> I took some left over cum and smothered it on her forehead and said "Simba..." |
#118241 (2296/2594) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<Ves> Curt teh Juggler: our graduation ceremony was today, and right when some gamer nerd got his diploma, someone in the audience played the zelda "get item" music and he did the zelda spin-hold-out-item stance
<Ves> Curt teh Juggler: it was quite possibly the most amazing thing ever.Comment: #dirt - Timboss
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#3935 (2290/4850) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
*** Signoff: Morpheus (Connection reset by peer)
*** Morpheus (vanford@host-209-214-188-107.clt.bellsouth.net) has joined channel #relax
<Morpheus> argh.. that wasn't my speaker cable |
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sadhat: low-noise, high-signal news
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#56878 (2285/2609) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<Turtles> I really wouldn't mind if an old lady took a dump on my chest.
<Lovespuds> ...
<Lovespuds> ...Dude.
<Turtles> Er.
<Turtles> That was the wrong window.
<Lovespuds> Turtles, there is no such thing as the right window for that. |
#78374 (2284/2618) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<tag> I remember we had this customer support irc channel at my last company (on a private server, of course), and we had this "AI" bot that would try to build sentences and statements out of things people said
<tag> we also, in idle times, used the IRC channel to discuss various things
<tag> one day a customer came in, and they were like "Why can't I see my referring URL for traffic coming from this link?" And the bot said, "Because of those stupid fucking niggers"
<tag> we had to kill it |
#95752 (2282/2640) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<mongrethod> the highschool journalism website i run gets 50k hits monthly
<mongrethod> and I was really happy about that
<mongrethod> until I looked at our search keyphrase hits
<mongrethod> top category that wasn't "other"
<mongrethod> "Paly Boy"
<mongrethod> My school is named paly
<mongrethod> so I was thinking
<mongrethod> hmm thats odd
<mongrethod> then it hit me
<mongrethod> rearrange the a and the l
<mongrethod> I haven't had the heart to tell my staff |
#75146 (2264/2854) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
{11:59pm} <Killane> </2006>
{12:00am} <Killane> <2007>
{12:00am} <Killane> I've been waiting a year to do thatComment: Happy New Year
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#173329 (2262/3108) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<Trinexx> There. I have allocated two weeks' worth of vacation time, starting on September 7th.
<Apollo> September 7th? You're going on vacation the DAY that Spore comes out? wtf dude
<Trinexx> Exactly.
<Apollo> oh
<Apollo> OH!
<Apollo> Fuck, I gotta do the same D: |
#97738 (2259/2589) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
*** qf2mquo has joined channel #uw
<chronomex> hi qf2mquo
<chronomex> why the unusual nick?
<qf2mquo> o
<qf2mquo> shit
<qf2mquo> that's my password |
#85329 (2250/2586) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<upparoom>So this chick I know is suing her Birth Control maker
<upparoom>She started taking it and gained a bunch of weight.
<upparoom>She went from a size 5 to a size 22 and lost most of her hair.
<upparoom>I'm thinking...
<upparoom>thats some pretty damn effective birth control.. |
#76863 (2245/2545) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<Painezor> So I had to hand in this essay the other day
<Painezor> the topic was "The effect of the internet on society"
<Painezor> so I just handed in "I was going to do the essay, then I discovered the internet had porn" on a sheet of A4.
<Painezor> Long story short I don't have to do any more essays. |
#136814 (2243/2561) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
<thefiddler> Holy sonofabitch.
<thefiddler> I think my editor is flirting with me.
* thefiddler frowns
<Uhmerwell> ...Notepad?
<thefiddler> Errr.
<Uhmerwell> oh, you mean a human
<Uhmerwell> don't you :< |
#81446 (2242/2630) ↑Funny ↓Boring πOld
ATH0: I don't know why the Korean guys at school love Steve so much.
ATH0: He doesn't look too Korean.
Batman: He told me.
Batman: Basically, he beat them at StarCraft and became their king. |
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