QDB: Top Quotes of All Time
About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search

TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev123456..586Next>
#29168 (7905/11581) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Arai> I use my right hand for everything except *one* thing.
<Arai> Not wanking.
<Arai> I wipe my ass with my left hand.
<Vhabion> I use toillet paper
#53151 (7863/10375) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<k2xl> in 1998, i made a C++ program to calculate pi to a billion digits.
<k2xl> i coded it on my laptop (pentium 2 i think) and then ran the program.
<k2xl> the next day i got a new laptop but decided to keep the program running.
<k2xl> it's been over seven years now since i ran it. and this morning it finished calculating.
<k2xl> the output:
<k2xl>      "THE VALUE OF PI TO THE BILLIONTH DIGIT IS = "
<k2xl> mindblowing eh?
<k2xl> i looked in the code of my program, and i found out that i forgot to output the value :(.
Comment: true story, i fixed the code and am running it again
#35410 (7770/11904) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
* Kio has quit IRC (Quit: )
* TRR has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
* Aquazzz has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
* RiotingNerd has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer)
* flatface has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
* Bobbobs has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
* mikedepalma has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
* evolsoulx has quit IRC (Peer Pressure)
#5300 (7751/11747) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.
#5273 (7691/12121) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<erno> hm. I've lost a machine.. literally _lost_. it responds to ping, it works completely, I just can't figure out where in my apartment it is.
#262095 (7679/9073) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<hypnosis> 1. The human cell contains 75 MB of genetic information
<hypnosis> 2. A sperm 37.5 MB.
<hypnosis> 3. In a milliliter, we have 100 million sperms.
<hypnosis> On average, one ejaculation releases 2.25 ml in 5 seconds.
<hypnosis> Using basic math we can compute the bandwidth of the human male penis as:
<hypnosis> (37.5MB x 100M x 2.25)/5 = (37,500,000 bytes/sperm x 100,000,000 sperm/ml x 2.25 ml) / 5 seconds = 1,687,500,000,000,000 bytes/sec = 1,687.5 TerraBytes/sec
<Jck_true> Sweet
<Jck_true> DoS attack!!!
<hypnosis> a bukkake would probably be a DDoS then
<hypnosis> 11 men would give 17 petabytes/sec
Comment: ##programming on FreeNode
#57165 (7665/9301) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<jnz> I spilt Mountain Dew on my keyboard a few times and it left some thick syrupy stuff I never really decided to clean off. I've also spilt drinks on my cable modem and in my surge protector. Everything still worked fine.
<jnz> I move into an apartment close to my college for a semester and sugar ants appeared out of nowhere and would swarm my computer and electronics at night. In a week or so my cable modem, surge protector, and keyboard were completely clean and syrup free. Ants rock.
#9497 (7600/11940) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(@eliaz`medal): i have broken two of my erm
(@eliaz`medal): foot things
(@eliaz`medal): extensions
(@eliaz`medal): those little thigns on ur feet
(@eliaz`medal): 5 on each ::
(@eliaz`medal): :/
(@eliaz`medal): dunno name
(@Ched): toes?
#369 (7560/11129) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Beeth> Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx> well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P
#3936 (7513/11040) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that
#32235 (7432/10842) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<pigeon-mirk> davey made that avatar for me, i am eternally in his bed
<pigeon-mirk> debt
<pigeon-mirk> DEBT!
#6824 (7372/10794) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@Logan> I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident.
<@Logan> I was thinking "What the hell is this guy doing?"
#206039 (7306/9300) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Kidsune> Shhhh, don't tell anyone, but i'm gonna go down on you...
<Kidsune> And you're gonna love it...
<Kidsune> But it's only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it...
<Kidsune> Then i'm gonna come back up again and fuck you, big time...
<Kidsune> Lots of love,
<Kidsune> Fuel Prices
#5301 (7275/11143) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<blazemore> LITTLETON, Colo. - Colorado officials plan to try a 15-year-old boy as an adult for allegedly offering a Sony PlayStation to have his aunt killed.
<FlipTopBx> is it modded?
#29152 (7240/11136) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<luqin> senior year
<luqin> my roomate is on a job interview for sam adams
<luqin> he's on a ridealong with a sales guy
<luqin> they start talking about music
<luqin> sales guy goes
<luqin> "gwen stefani is pretty hot"
<luqin> my roomate is trying to be professional
<luqin> says "yeah she's pretty attractive"
<MadHack-> heh
<luqin> 30 seconds of silence
<luqin> sales guy goes
<luqin> "I'd eat her ass"
<dave__> HAHAHAHAHA
<MadHack-> ahahahahaha
<erobbins> HAHAHAHAHA
<russur> HAHAHAHAHA
<dave__> fuck i just spit out my lemonade
#30108 (7222/10926) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@manero> this song sounds like a fucking fire alarm
<@manero> BEEEEEEEEEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
<@manero> oh shit
<@manero> IT IS THE FIRE ALARM
<@manero> hahah fuck me bbrk
#4680 (7205/10912) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Raize> can you guys see what I type?
<vecna> no, raize
<Raize> How do I set it up so you can see it?
#92899 (7197/11001) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Athnex> they're the people who if they had space ships, would make crop circles on other planets
#29167 (7147/10549) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Digga> they're all shit in my....WHAT THE FUCK?
<Digga> it sounded like someone just tried to kick the door in
<Digga> brb
<Digga> i open the door
<Digga> someone's lying there
<Jiggaboy> wtf
<Digga> they came to deliver a pizza leaflet
<Digga> tripped up the step
<Digga> smashed into the door
<Digga> and fell over
#5863 (6973/10068) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<mp> i am convinced i am a woman
<Oreoboros> mp: Why's that?
<mp> cuz i went to bed bath and beyond for a shower curtain and left with $700 worth of shit
<mp> and i had to go back because i realized after i checked out that i forgot to buy a fucking shower curtain
#57267 (6886/8700) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<evilAdmin> Oy! Maybe my job does rock.
<evilAdmin> Da Fluke network tester (a $6000 Gameboy wannabe) was broken today since someone took the lithium batteries out of it and neglected to put them back in the case.
<evilAdmin> We had to test out the connection between floors 2&4, going through floor 3 in the process.
<evilAdmin> so I tell da b0ss that the Network tester is dead... And I need to generate network traffic so I can see the stats on the switches and routers, make sure no packets are being killed prematurely.
<evilAdmin> So he sayz "How much is that tester worth?", I say "6K". He says "Great!".
<evilAdmin> he picks up his office phone, hits the global annoucement button, and says "Floors Two, Three, and Four, our IT Admin requires that you generate network traffic for equipment testing. Grab Half Life off my network share, I'll host". He hangs up and says "Happy?", I say "that works".
<evilAdmin> The rest of the afternoon was dedicated to a rather large Half Life MP game on Crossfire :).
#60533 (6846/8286) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Zophory> dude, I just came up with the best idea for a Metal gear solid game!
<MrFizz> ....
<Zophory> it starts with Snake having to infiltrate a terroist meeting..
<MrFizz> I swear to God, if you say "Snake on a plane" at any point during this story, I'll cut you.
<Zophory> ..so, what's everyones plans for the weekend?
#6460 (5952/10205) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<studdud> what the fuck is wtf
#297989 (5067/6007) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
#77482 (4929/6469) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Snausages> So, an E-flat, a G-flat, and a B-flat walk into a bar.
<Snausages> And the bartender says,
<Snausages> "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors."
<Myke> That struck a chord.
<Snausages> Careful with those puns, you'll get in treble.
<Myke> But they're key to my humour.
<Myke> And very noteworthy.
save page | share <Prev123456..586Next>

About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search
14,645 quotes approved; 9,107 fermenting; karma: 190.3567