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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..394395396397398399400..596Next> |
#311105* (?/11) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<teratoma> there is a restaurant at the corner of 40th and Broadway that is super good
<teratoma> Cloven And Hoof i think its called
<teratoma> the butcher has 8 fingers
<ClaudiaX> Hmm
<teratoma> where'd the other 2 fingers go!
<teratoma> it is a mystery |
#311128* (?/13) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<sami> eventually twitter always comes back to u
<sami> especially when ppl in job interviews ask you if you're *really* a porn star
<sami> I started freelancing coding out porn sites, so I was making internet porn, therefore my twitter bio was "internet porn star'
<sami> ok I thought it was funny
<sami> then I was in an interview and this guy who l like blackadder leans over rly close
<sami> "So are you...you know...do you have any of your works I can see?"
<sami> "I thought I sent over my portfolio"
<sami> "I don't have a problem, I'm very progressive, but do you have any of your movies?"
<sami> after that I changed my bio on twitter
<sami> the moral of the story was, I wasn't gonna work with blackadder |
#311168* (?/13) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< eightyeight> the trick is convincing my family _why_ they need end-to-end encrypted communication
< eightyeight> seriously, if it even comes remotely close to a discussion about security or privacy, they shrug their shoulders with "I don't have anything to hide anyway. lolololol"
< eightyeight> i've always responded with "Well, then let me see you naked."
< eightyeight> hasn't worked yet
< eightyeight> :) |
#311184* (?/21) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<MollyMetroid> naked, and playing DS tetris online against a human opponent
<MollyMetroid> is the only way to poop
<MollyMetroid> because if you win
<WinsonPaine> ha
<WinsonPaine> hahahah
<MollyMetroid> they got beat at tetris by a naked pooping person
<WinsonPaine> if you lose you can avenge yourself by shitting on your DS
<WinsonPaine> it is brilliant
<MollyMetroid> well no
<MollyMetroid> if you lose
<MollyMetroid> big deal
<MollyMetroid> you're just taking a dump
<MollyMetroid> big triumph for the other guy
<MollyMetroid> they beat a naked shitting person
<WinsonPaine> MollyMetroid
<WinsonPaine> they should have sent a poet
<WinsonPaine> good news MollyMetroid
<WinsonPaine> they DID
<WinsonPaine> In the bathroom
<WinsonPaine> I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
<WinsonPaine> Who, squatting upon the ground,
<WinsonPaine> Held their DS in their hands,
<WinsonPaine> And played tetris on it.
<WinsonPaine> I said, “Is it good, friend?â€
<WinsonPaine> “It is bitter—bitter,†they answered;
<WinsonPaine> “But I like it
<WinsonPaine> “Because it is the shitter,
<WinsonPaine> “And because it is my heart.†|
#311197* (?/13) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<HalfNote6>Dear Autocorrect: "Everytime" is an adjective, and only suitable for bad advertizing slogans. STOP correcting "every time" to "everytime" EVERY TIME! |
#311200* (?/15) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DrDM> So, when worshipping the Random Number Goddess, d20 is Unitarian, while GURPS is Trinitarian?
<Celti> Sure. d20 has all those lesser saints mucking things up, though: the d4, Patron Die of Magic; the d6, Patron Die of Rogues, and the d10, Patron Die of Swordsmen.
<Celti> GURPS may be Trinitarian, but it's *pure* about it.
<DrDM> You forgot the Patron Die of Rage, the d12, so named because of the emotion it inspires when it inevitably fails to stop rolling.
<DrDM> The thing I like most about "GURPS is Trinitarian" is that each of the individual dice involved are meaningless without the other two -- it really *is* a "three-that-are-one" *thing*. |
#311272* (?/23) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@esch> do you think a deer ever pissed on that
<duckstab> on the mushroom? probably
<@esch> do you think a deer ever pissed on you
<duckstab> i don't think directly
<@esch> do you think a deer ever thought about pissing on you
<duckstab> i don't think deer have abstract thoughts |
#311284* (?/25) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jeph> i just made soem potatoes and eggs w/ poblano peppers for my daily meal
<jeph> i kinda dumped the cayenne pepper into the potatoes. on my hand and then in the potatoes....
<jeph> perhaps you can see where this is going...
<jeph> while they cooked, i figured o'd go pee real quick in the bathroom.
<jeph> did my bznz...
<jeph> all of a sudden my dick starts burning
<jeph> im like damn wtf! what have I done!?
<jeph> not realizing its the cayenne pepper
<jeph> so im like, wow this really burns, ill put some aloe lotion on my junk to sooth it
<jeph> all this does is spread it around and open up the pores
<jeph> and then my shit starts being like bawwwwwwwwwww your dick is on fire jeff!
<jeph> i gotta run off the stove...
<jeph> take a shower.
<jeph> the hot water makes it feel worse
<jeph> im already forseeing my trip to the e.r.
<jeph> soap.
<jeph> lots of soap
<jeph> and evrything is ok again. and it made me actually shower today.
<jeph> so
<jeph> but
<jeph> damn
<jeph> just damn, never felt that feeling before
<jeph> i didnt realize it was the cayenne at first
<jeph> i was like. well havent got laid in a month and a half it cant be any VD
<jeph> maybe prostate cancer
<jeph> maybe, my hernia surgery reapirs blew out
<jeph> or mayeb i disconncted my pee tube from my dick
<jeph> and im just peeing into my ballsack
<jeph> without any way to disprove this i set about trying to force a pee
<jeph> not having to pee i just my balls burning more
<jeph> which made me thnk o no the pee is going into my sack
<jeph> so then i chugged a bunch of water
<jeph> and pee'd , to my sweet relief.
<jeph> about then i thought, well it has to have been the cayenne
<jeph> and did the soap thing to save the day |
#311323* (?/19) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Covarr_Work> I intensely question the wisdom of beginning a sentence with "When Donald Trump makes anime real"
<+Covarr_Work> let's examine
<+Covarr_Work> is he going to summon an alien invasion led by monkeydudes with scouters?
<+Covarr_Work> is he going to destroy tokyo with a giant earthquake, and bring a bunch of random kids to a theme park prison where they fight each other to death?
<+Covarr_Work> is he going to add a new branch to the us military: the inner senshi
<+Covarr_Work> or maybe he'll adopt a little girl with green hair and adhd, and teach her all the wonders of life such as going to the beach, eating ice cream, assembling furniture, and different ways to play with a cardboard box |
#311351* (?/17) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Bosty>how was #retro's chrimbus
<MainMemory>I got free GBA games and Smash 3DS DLC
<Bosty>i got three games
<GerbilSoft>i got a rock |
#311363* (?/23) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Guest85751> cool - ima go - bye
* Guest85751 has quit (Client Quit)
<Norse_meeting> worst haiku ever |
#311441* (?/21) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
«~T2norway» french people dont ask questions
«~T2norway» they demand answers
«~Lex» do you know what the french word for "ask" is
«~T2norway» nope
«~Lex» "demander"
«~T2norway» HAHAHAHHAHAHA
«~T2norway» A M A Z I N G |
#311451* (?/31) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<sun[BEAM]> ··• Raccoon •·· german?
<sun[BEAM]> or Eng
<+Raccoon> ?
<sun[BEAM]> whats the main language here
<+Raccoon> The main language on the Internet is English.
<+Raccoon> You lost WWII.
<sun[BEAM]> okay
<sun[BEAM]> np |
#311469* (?/15) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Krock> linuxgeekbot isn't working right
<jcjordyn120> Krock: workin fine m8
<jcjordyn120> .roulette
* linuxgeekbot has kicked jcjordyn120 from ##forthenerds (BOOM!)
* jcjordyn120 (jcjordyn12@unaffiliated/jcjordyn120) has joined
* ChanServ gives channel operator status to jcjordyn120
<jcjordyn120> See. |
#311497* (?/23) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* moron_man has joined #gens
<GiMP> who the eff names themselves a moron its like a big target
<GiMP> like why give the enemy the chance?
<Talgie> this isn't war lol
<GiMP> hey moron
<moron_man> what
<jake2> ya?
<GiMP> oh this gonna be fun... |
#311521* (?/19) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Rjx> why are 12 year olds on reddit
<Rjx> they should get on irc and hang out with convicted sex offenders like a normal kid |
#17 (8/975) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<emufreak> And now, an interview with Marat Fayzullin.
<emufreak> How did you get into emulation?
<RST38h> Well, it started when som*** PLZ PAY $35 TO CONTINUE |
#413 (8/281) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Dr_DOS> i'd go straight into the army if they allowed IRC on weekends. |
#591 (8/274) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<gb> I'M BREAKING OUT THE DoS
<gb> THERE GOEZ ED
<gb> BYE BYE
<hypr> DONT DOS ME"
<hypr> FUCKERKGHJIJGEG
<blazemore> hypr: quick, go buy dsl! |
#1621 (8/242) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<iMike> i think english transcends spelling
<DooD> especially with words like k3wl d00d |
#1625 (8/351) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TasmBoy> does anyone have the source code to windows? |
#1859 (8/196) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<C0chise> i think if you say "dogshit eating," then saying "dumb" is pretty much redundant |
#2091 (8/266) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<DMC[mav2]> human/animal hair can be stuffed inside panty hose and used to suck up oil out from an oil spill
<DMC[mav2]> did you faggots know that |
#2235 (8/290) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<spid0r> my friend had #taliban for awhile...fuckin ragheads even get owned on efnet |
#2310 (8/302) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<CYBORG> who is an amateur of SAILING ? message me..
<CYBORG> i am planning my most incredible experience... soon......
<CYBORG> i need brave partener....
<CYBORK> for wild sea adventure........ |
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