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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..979899100101102103..599Next> |
#294955 (348/560) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<fleebailey33> lmao
<fleebailey33> i am repairing a computer
<fleebailey33> i open the dvd drive and i find mature moms volume 18
<fleebailey33> its not a burned copy either |
#297412 (183/289) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<shawnz> how come every emulator has dozens of advanced image scaling algorithms
<shawnz> but every image editing app has two or three
<&dt> because everyone wants mario bigger
<&dt> but not pictures of you |
#298143 (227/361) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@louis> i dont remember if i brought this up
<@louis> but I was hanging out with my brother a couple of days ago.. was a rather hilarious conversation
<@louis> he starts explaining to me about a talk he had with my nephew
<@louis> (mind you, nephew = 14 or so)
<@louis> "Dad! Why are there so many girls going with girls now? Especially at my school" - Jr.
<@louis> Sr: "Well, son. Your generation isn't taking care of business." |
#307045 (56/84) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* Half got Winston to eat a kitty treat out of her hand today.
Mango: Sometimes I forget if Winston is the cat or the boyfriend, but not this time. |
#309610 (28/40) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@dfdashh> divVerent: all new in oracle 12c - auto-increment columns :P
<@divVerent> now I finally know why they had to buy MySQLComment: #xonotic
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#8317 (211/335) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<cov\\sick> Solitarie almost never crashes. They should employ the person who wrote it to head the WinNT team. |
#9949 (217/345) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<paul> anyone know what a .ace file is
<moneo> all i know is it beats a .kng |
#10025 (245/390) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<a_passerby> I want a :D drive instead of a D: drive |
#10984 (282/452) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Seros> Did you get my hat back?
<Spleen> what kinda question is that?
<Seros> An easy one? |
#48080 (317/509) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Somebody137: o god.. at the show saturday i took this chick home... and o god
Somebody137: she was hot
Somebody137: o god
Caffeinated Soap: did you get her number?
Somebody137: what the hell would i do with that? |
#50704 (289/463) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Toba|Unix> And God said, trust not the tinyurl, for it is subtle and quick to abuse your trust. And it came to pass, that Robert did click the tinyurl and was assaulted from behind by gay pr0n popups. And god said, wtf? I told you...Comment: #wpi
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#51396 (249/395) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< OpenFire> I don't know, I would start raging down the hallway asking whoever did it to own up.
< OpenFire> Just for satisfaction
< lenox> i'd urinate in someone's cubical
< lenox> then when they complain about it
< lenox> be like "i know, right? and just the other day someone dented my powerbook"
< lenox> IF they did it, they'll back down and that'll be that. you got them back
< lenox> IF they did NOT do it, now you have an ally
< lenox> they want to get this powerbook-denting public-urinating dude just as much as you
< lenox> pretty much, i am saying, you have to pee in someone's cubicle todayComment: #macintosh on irc.arstechnica.com
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#54619 (284/454) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Zook> fuck
<@Zook> Sister wants on -_-
<fire> ouch
<@Zook> Yeah.
<@Zook> but what she doesnt know is i added her sites to Windows HOSTS file.
<@Zook> to redirect to 127.0.0.1
<@Me> huh?
<@Zook> In other words she tries to access her sites and it doesnt let her
<@Zook> and In other words ill be back real soon :p |
#55997 (234/372) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Porque> So, per usual, my town is filled with rednecks.
<Porque> Needless to say, this makes the day more interesting when there's a dead deer in the middle of the road.
<Porque> Since there's such little traffic going through here every day, a deer died in the middle of the road. The bus driver pulls over by it, and I'm sitting there going "wtf are you waiting for, move the damn carcass".
<Porque> So we end up waiting for about a minute. I'm still sitting there, stunned by the stupidity, when this redneck BLAZES down the street in his truck, stopping on a dime right by us. The guy hops out with a chainsaw, revs it. HE SAWS THE HORNS OFF OF THE DEER AND LEAVES THE BODY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.
<Porque> Turns out someone on the bus called the guy on a cellphone and let him know. |
#56763 (318/510) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Nero> ZXLink, I learned something today
<Nero> When someone asks you "you know what's retarded?"
<Nero> The correct response is "What?"
<Nero> Not "Kids with Down syndrome" |
#65051 (316/508) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<FireSlash> So, at my office they're deploying a bunch of new HP Color Laser printers. These things are hot. Double sided printing, fast, etc.
<FireSlash> Now, to set them up its pretty simple... Plug it in, call some guy and have him do all the internal setup via telnet, then pop the toner in and its ready to roll.
<FireSlash> So, aparrently the guy they tasked to do this is colorblind.
<FireSlash> I'm currently going around the office and it appears that he somehow managed to defeat odds and get EVERY TONER in the wrong order.
<FireSlash> But it gets better.
<FireSlash> They're keyed so you can't do this. He forced them into each slot so it takes two people and a lot of manhandling to get them out.
<FireSlash> Aparrently someone asked him about it and he was like "Yeah, those printers are stupid. Why do you need four grey toners?"
<FireSlash> >.< |
#34712 (274/440) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Joe> OMG - forgot the wife
<@Joe> my clock never changed
<@Joe> brbComment: Daylight savings time.
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#35140 (299/481) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<_Sarah_> sorry, had a little visitor in a red sleeper show up
<Jason> is that code for your period?
<_Sarah_> LOL!
<Jason> ive bought tampons before, i know all about them
<_Sarah_> no.. it was my son, he got out of bed.. heh |
#44809 (268/430) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<laid_back> haha man get this so my brother got suspended from school today
<teqman> what did he do
<duffman> what did he do
<laid_back> cause he says to one kid "hey would you have sex with a fat kid" and this other kid goes "no why" and then my brother goes "cause nash (another kid) is really desperate"
<laid_back> so nash say "tell it to the teacher"
<laid_back> and my brother goes "hey mister smith would you have sex with a fat kid" and the teacher got this weird look on his face and ran down to the office and told the principal
<laid_back> and so the principal is talking to my brother and he says "you were insinuating that mr smith was a child molester" and my broither goes "NO, what insinuated that he was a child molester was the way he reacted"
<laid_back> so they suspended himComment: #system on irc.dal.net
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#51310 (277/447) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Aeturnus> i want a tattoo of jesus that has a tattoo of me on his arm |
#57297 (295/473) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<BigBuddha> alia: is there any command to see if there are any usb devices hooked up to your system?
<@alia> get off your lazy fucking ass and look at your usb ports?Comment: #chules.net @ irc.shellsnet.org
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#87882 (294/472) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Liontamer> Aight, gonna roll in a few, and I'll be gone until probably midnight
<djpretzel> what's up? just work?
<Liontamer> WWE's in Baltimore; got tix
<djpretzel> oh my
<djpretzel> next time I ask, and the answer involves adult males groping each other for spectacle, just lie and say work |
#103975 (387/625) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Vossk> ._.
<Macrona> What?
<Vossk> I was just sitting here fapping, and I looked to my right and the window was open.
<Macrona> Someone couldve seen you, lol.
<Vossk> Theres like a 10 year old GIRL FUCKING STANDING THERE WATCHING.
<Macrona> pwned |
#152644 (238/380) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Crucial> whats a quick way to push ipconfig /release, ipconfig /renew to 50 or
so workstations
<Mo> cycle power to the building |
#223711 (202/320) ↑Funny ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Taran_Wanderer> You can look up what they're going to name hurricanes
<YP> I wish they'd bring hurricane mewtwo back :[
<The_984> Hurricanes should be named after Pokemon
<DonutKnight> In other news, Hurricane Magikarp has decimated New Orleans
<DonutKnight> More at 11
<The_984> Magikarp used SPLASH
<The_984> It was super effective |
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