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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..78798081828384..596Next> |
#140596 (279/763) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<LoveLight> it would be cool if a woman gave birth and pushed so hard that the baby fired out of her cooter at incredible speeds, then the umbilical cord acted like a bungee cord and the baby went right back in
<AppleBoy> o_O
<AppleBoy> where the hell did that idea come from?
<LoveLight> idk
<LoveLight> an intoxicated mindComment: From ##physics on Freenode
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#89351 (279/565) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<TrevorParscal> when she turns 3.14159265 we are throwing her a PI birthday party... |
#77492 (279/467) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<big_bob_9> man i just took the SAT
<big_bob_9> im so tired
<krakatau585> haha its really hard isnt it
<beano> thats what your mom said
<big_bob_9> its so long too
<beano> thats what your mom said
<krakatau585> but you still dont have enough time to finish haha
<beano> thats what your mom said
<krakatau585> dude stop before you go too far
<beano> thats what your mom said!
<big_bob_9> rofl |
#74351 (279/435) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Merchelo> no one uses cd's
nosmo> You ever wonder where mp3s come from?
nosmo> Your parents didn't give you "the talk" |
#72713 (279/523) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<InsomniA> Heh... My Prof in Theorem proving class threw out some kid...
<InsomniA> He was talking about his friends telling him to have sex with some chick.
<InsomniA> And the Prof's like "If I asked you to have sex with me, would you!?"
<InsomniA> At which point the kid starts screaming "REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM!!!" |
#35016 (279/461) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<zaney> how tall is arnald
<zaney> from t2
<zaney> i cant spell his last name
<HomerJ> zaney : can't spell his first name either |
#31803 (278/498) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<tangent3> george bush wants to send missions to moons and the mars
<tangent3> i think the search for weapons of mass destruction is getting desperate |
#29091 (279/433) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
* phox01d believes his testicles to be itchy
* LordRuKK nods to phox
<LordRuKK> go a day without a shower in this heat and..
* phox01d is now known as phoxleep
<phoxleep> no
<phoxleep> this isnt from not being clean
<LordRuKK> I'm not troubleshooting your testicles
<LordRuKK> go to bed |
#26431 (279/447) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<snif> i jsut asked if any one knew how to change ports and stuff
<taras> yes, you visit your local harbourmaster and tell him you want your ship to be in a different port from now on
<grifferz> you go to your liquor retailer
<grifferz> and you say, "sorry, I do not like this port, please supply me with another"
<snif> no need to be total dicks about it you guys can go fuck your self |
#24875 (280/428) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Cody> what color is mango?
<Derian> #FF7646
<Cody> lol... dork |
#6908 (279/461) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Toen> OH NO! A steamroller comes barreling down on brentai! He must roll 1d20! Less than 6 escapes death!
<Toen> unless he wants to use up his luck charm and make it a 1d10!
<Brentai> I use my raping skill to rape the steamroller.
<Toen> your rape is ineffective against the cold, solid steel!
<Brentai> Well, crud.
<Brentai> 1d10
<Dildice> Brentai: 9
<Brentai> Er, 1d20.
<Brentai> 1d20
<Dildice> Brentai: 14
<Brentai> Crap, and crap.
<Toen> squish
<Brentai> Well, I went out trying to rape a steamroller. It's a man's death. |
#303402 (278/366) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
LG: My bro left his phone at my house last night
LG: so... I just tried to call him to tell him
LG: I tried to call his cell with mine. when his was in MY OTHER HAND
BadSpoon: did you answer?
LG: no.
LG: I'm pretty retarded.
LG: But I have a little dignity. |
#301762 (278/436) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Reunech> I threw up into my own pants once.
<Dan> ...
<Dan> I...
<Dan> What? |
#299580 (278/498) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> Alright, my QDB script is complete!
<asaph> QDB Script?
<Pryoidain> Yeah, see I got tired of the weird thing they use where 1 positive vote and 1 negative vote cancel out to give 0 votes in the numerator of your quote rating...
<Pryoidain> So I devised a formula. Positive Votes = Numerator + [(Denominator - Numerator)/2]
<Pryoidain> I then made a script that searches for my nick on QDB, gathers the various quote levels, runs the above formula, and then tells me how much people love me!
<cjk> Interesting. I may want a copy.
<Pryoidain> Execute Nao!
*five minutes pass*
<Pryoidain> Hm. It must have failed.
<Pryoidain> Either that or -pi people enjoy my quotes.
<asaph> The latter option seems more plausible.
<Pryoidain> Fuck off. |
#295055 (278/408) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< aLExVP> my pal just had the most freaky experience of the week
< aLExVP> we're running a small VPN network around here, normally it is a relatively quiet project
< aLExVP> about an hour or so ago he got a call from someone else on the vpn
< aLExVP> he was asking around because he and other people were being port-scanned over the net, and he was wondering if anyone else knew something about it
< aLExVP> because we normally don't port scan each other over the vpn
< aLExVP> now he was just having a little private lan party with some friends
< aLExVP> (yes he invited me too but i have a test next week and a shitload of work ahead)
< aLExVP> anyway
< aLExVP> looking around a bit they traced it to his vpn connection
< aLExVP> and after looking around a bit more they found out the scans were coming from one of the windows systems at the party
< aLExVP> the system was a mess. no anti-virus on a budget gamer pc
< aLExVP> he has a router providing VPN access to his home net
< aLExVP> they traced the source of the attack on the windows box to an IRC bot net, and from there back again to his own connection
< aLExVP> further on to his wireless router
< aLExVP> and, interrestingly, to the car in front of his house |
#164029 (278/544) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Stueh> Hehe we were joking around at work (she's a student there)
<Stueh> Her: Your hand is on my hip
<Stueh> Me: INCIDENTAL CONTACT
<Stueh> Her: You're standing awfully close
<Stueh> Me: It's a cramped working environment!
<Stueh> Her: You're staff, I'm a student
<Stueh> Me: ... I think you're hot.
<Stueh> Her: Me too.
<Stueh> *we both walk off in opposite directions*
<Stueh> So now, although we're cousins (but no one knows it) all her friends think we're dating =) |
#123702 (278/436) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Kojispruke> Oh man.
<Kojispruke> So one of my cousins had a baby, rite.
<Kojispruke> "he's so cute" "Yeah, whatever, he'll grow out of it." "No he won't." "Uh, Michael Jackson was a cute baby too."
<Kojispruke> And then she stopped talking to me. :( |
#70483 (278/468) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(ChocoCid) Obviously I was either onto something, or on something.
(ChocoCid) -- Larry Wall on the creation of Perl
(BotlGnomz) And all these years later
(BotlGnomz) we still can't decide.Comment: #o-gaming on EFNet
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#59695 (278/538) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<StupidStupor> I just got back from the hospital, getting a cast put on my kid's arm.
<MoFoCowKing> Damn.
<StupidStupor> I was teaching him to ride his bike without his training wheels, but when I let go, he fell off the bike.
<StupidStupor> So I broke the little bastard's arm. |
#59652 (278/442) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<user573> i buy all my software, especially ms stuff
<sav> sure
<sav> i buy all my movies too
<sav> and mp3s
<sav> i mean cds |
#59651 (278/524) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<qozi> Mmkay. Let this be a lesson to ya all
<qozi> getting piss drunk and playing with the flyback on a CRT is NOT the way to a "fun night".
<qozi> Although it is entirely entertaining to see people getting eletrozapped with enough force to clear several meters backwards
<qozi> such is NOT entertaining when it's your turn and you happen to be the only one bare-footed standing on wet grass outside.
<qozi> On the positive side, ether my body is still in shock, or running 20kVolts across your skin is a good way to prevent handovers, although my feet are still completly numb and unresponsive this wonderful morning.Comment: Aftermath of a party at the electronics repair shop
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#54998 (278/438) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<KArmA> just overheard in the office "look man its not an exact science. We don't have any formal QA procedures that say 'if the customer sets the box up like a complete assworshiping rimjobber fucktard with a button pushing fetish then subsystems A, B, C and 12 will break horrifically'"Comment: #bifemunix on EFnet
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#52274 (278/428) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<molo> everything ignus says on join is awkward
<molo> i don't think it has ever been normal
<molo> like
<molo> hi
<molo> or
<molo> sup
<molo> it's always 'my parents just remarried' or 'i dream about sex with my sister' |
#44276 (278/426) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@TimJohnson> im going to try and cook bacon on my george format grill
<@TimJohnson> yeyah
* Dudette formats the grill
<%Sunbun> the George Format Grill: Knocks out the FAT32Comment: #theromcafe
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#33392 (278/468) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< neotiger> it leads me to believe that IE is more fucked than the average japanese schoolgirl when in close proximity to an octopus |
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