<@robodex> you know what's sad? there's another guy in the GTA with the same name as me. And my name isn't common.
<@robodex> and from what I can tell, he's cooler, better looking and more popular than I am
<@robodex> you know how that feels? It's like one of those movies where you're off trying to stop your evil clone
<@robodex> but in the end, you find out
<@robodex> you're the evil clone
(FormerlyHumane) then answer me this: why is the acid in Alien so much stronger than Aliens?
(Squint) Dilution
(FormerlyHumane) also the size of the planet changes
(Squint) With more aliens, the acid had to be watered down to fill all of their bodies.
(FormerlyHumane) makes sense
(Squint) But in the first movie, there was only the one, so the acid was more concentrated.
(FormerlyHumane) but how did the planet get bigger?
(Squint) Zoom, man. Zoom.
(FormerlyHumane) I don't know if I buy that
(Squint) You know how when you look through binoculars, small things look bigger?
(FormerlyHumane) I guess so
(Squint) Boom.
(Squint) I'm going to bed.
<@timmo> a friend of mine whos in the airforce
<@timmo> says that since everyone eats mres
<@timmo> and eat at the same time
<@timmo> basically everyone has to shit at the exact same time
<@timmo> so theyll be convoying through the dessert
<@timmo> and all the trucks will stop
<@timmo> and doors will fly open
<@timmo> and everyones shitting out the doors
<@Rjx> meals ready to shit
<Indogutsu> Is that that Basshunter song?
<Slime_Master> Yeah
<Indogutsu> ...only in Sweden can a dance rap song about IRC hit #1 on the charts.
<dd7> "erics laptop is all elite and shit he has a black console up all the time and he's always typing in these color coded commands i have no idea what he's doing on it"
<dd7> i didnt have the heart to tell dan i was just using a fancy irc theme
<_Pooky> Watch out for the 700cal sandwichs tho.
<lion42> _Pooky, I'm on a 4000 calorie diet. I can have all the sandwiches I damn well want. :P
<Uncertain> that's no diet, that's a monster
<_Pooky> No shit...why are you on a 4k diet?
<_Pooky> Weight training or something?
<lion42> Pancreatic insufficiency. Because I don't dump out enough enzymes, I don't absorb calories or.. anything at all, really, as well as other people do.
<lion42> 4000 is my normal, average, maintaining my weight diet.
<_Pooky> Ok, that makes sense then.
<_Pooky> That's got to make for messy bowel movements.
<lion42> Yes, my shits are festive.
<Fax_Cannith> Star, I know you have a weird fetish for dressing people up like rabbis and having them spank each other's asses with slices of ham
<Fax_Cannith> but you don't really need to share how you beat your meat with us.
<Starsinger> ...
<Starsinger> DAMNIT FAX
<Starsinger> I'm not telling you things in confidence anymore
<SaxxonPike> Final Fantasy 10... as far as I can tell, the number is a rating determined by how much the men look like women
<SaxxonPike> it's just a coincidence they are being released sequentially
<Pryoidain> I just spazzed on some poor telemarketer, and then orchestrated it to my advantage
<Pryoidain> I picked up my cell phone
<Pryoidain> he said something about vacuumes
<Pryoidain> and I just made this series of loud noises
<Pryoidain> then held the phone away from my face, and yelled in my normal voice
<Pryoidain> "JESUS HE'S GOT THE PHONE!"
<Pryoidain> then dropped it and fumbled it a few times
<Pryoidain> then picked it up, and very calmly said
<Pryoidain> "Nathanial Private Mental Services, How may I help you?"
<Pryoidain> I heard a click, and that's the last I think I'll ever hear from them
Pandy strokes Toolmaker
<Pandy> oh god
<Pandy> i have a story
<Pandy> a rl story
<Pandy> a friend of mine got robbed in january, he came home to find this scummy dundee junkie taking his xbox and some other stuff from his flat
<Pandy> so naturally he tried to block the door so the guy couldn't leave
<Pandy> the guy then ran into his kitchen and got a knife and waved it around
<Pandy> so he just let the guy go and then called the cops and they came over and found the guy waiting for a bus round the corner with all his stuff
<Pandy> so anyway
<Pandy> turns out this guy pleaded not guilty
<Pandy> so it went to court
<Pandy> last week
<Pandy> my friend didn't really get why
<Pandy> but
<Pandy> the story that the robber came up with
<Pandy> was that my friend met him at a bus stop and asked him to come back to his flat and he would pay him 40 quid to wank him off
<Evil STEVE> loooooooooooooool
<Pandy> and then apparently my friend forgot that he had no money
<Pandy> so he gave him some stuff from his flat
<Pandy> instead
<Pandy> including his xbox and a kitchen knife
<Pandy> and there was a jury and shit
<Pandy> and the guy got put away for 3 years
<Pandy> BUT
<dcower> rofl
<Pandy> it was a majority verdict
<Pandy> so at least one dundee juror thinks my friend pays scummy dundee neds for handjobs
<Pandy> he was like :(
Evil STEVE laughs out loud
<Pandy> and even worse this class of students were in the court on day one
<Pandy> when the robber was being cross examined
<Pandy> so they heard all of his hilarious handjob story
Toolmaker si roolign on teh florr laugihrng @ Pandy to hard t0 stpo!111!!111
<Pandy> then never came back the next day to hear the verdict
<Uuxaul> So I was on this "free resume" builder website last night. So I'm going through building my resume. Get to the end thinking, awesome! almost done. Shows me a preview embedded with Javascript so I can't click the page, and asks me to pay 14.95 for the "actual copy". So I'm like... WELL FUCK YOU. So I save the web page, delete the java bullshit, open it up in firefox, pull up the source after editing it in kate, copy and paste it to open office set it to recognize HTML tags... And PRINTED MY GOD DAMNED RESUME
<Uuxaul> It was just slightly annoying because I spent an hour on this site making everything perfect, and it even advertised free resume construction with an upgrade option you could pay for...
<Raine Sabaal> Hahahahaha!
<Raine Sabaal> You should add that to your resume.
<Uuxaul> Skills: Capable of bypassing Pay-To-Print resume builders.
MrCynical: I realized my life is truly pathetic
Josh: ?
MrCynical: I just stumbled a pic where its Geordi and Data in a shuttlecraft and Data is saying "I'm not accusing you. All I'm saying is that I can't fart" My first thought is, Data cannot use conjunctions...
<Paradox> apparently some douchebag went to harrass the gay club on campus
<Paradox> and mooned them. I don't think that guy thought things through.
Oddlot: I guess I might have to re-install windows.
FuzzyPlushroom: Whose is it?
Oddlot: Joannas.
Oddlot: My cousins friends friend.
FuzzyPlushroom: she's paying you, then? :P
Oddlot: If she is, in weed.
Oddlot: Either that, or a bj, whichever works.
FuzzyPlushroom: Congratulations. You're officially a goddamn stoner.
Oddlot: Yeah.
Oddlot: I figured that much out.
<Fredro> but my system language is english
<Freeyorp> I thought it was regional settings?
<Fredro> must be
<Fredro> because I get the game in swedish
<Kage_Jittai> wait... wait... wait...
<Freeyorp> ?
<Kage_Jittai> you DON'T want the game in your native language?
<Fredro> nop
<Jaxad0127> why not?
<Kage_Jittai> Why not?
<Fredro> because I know english better than my native language
< Biiaru> i remember once i tried to autocomplete a sentence
< Biiaru> i was just kind of thinking what i wanted to say
< Biiaru> typed the first few letters, then tab
< Biiaru> didn't do shit
<nuclearrabbit> So I was talking to SPC Guyette and he was tellin his lulz from Iraq stories
<nuclearrabbit> Like when the gunner in their hummer threw all the shit from his MRE he didn't want to eat to some kids on the side of the road
<nuclearrabbit> and yelled
<nuclearrabbit> "It's an IED of flavor!"
<nuclearrabbit> But the driver only heard "it's an IED" and swerved off the road
<skint> i heard all Russians are poor and illiterate
<lennoxRU> almostly
<Kayeffem|wrkin> so i got a good story for all of you
<Kayeffem|wrkin> yesterday the supreme bitch brought in her home laptop because i needed to set it up for remote access
<Kayeffem|wrkin> while it was here she decided to bitch about how the screen isnt used up all the way and there are spaces on the sides
<Kayeffem|wrkin> now this is a 17" widescreen laptop
<Kayeffem|wrkin> and it's being used at the max widescreen resolution
<Kayeffem|wrkin> as i play around with it i notice that there's nothing wrong and the screen is just fine
<Kayeffem|wrkin> so she tells me to goto the internet and goto a webpage
<Kayeffem|wrkin> where i find out her real problem
<Kayeffem|wrkin> the websites that she likes to visit dont expand to fit multiple resolutions
<Kayeffem|wrkin> thus causing empty space to the left and right of the main webpage
<Kayeffem|wrkin> now apparently this is a big enough problem for her that she's going to purchase a second laptop that's smaller
<Kayeffem|wrkin> so that the websites will take up the full screen with no gaps
<JackWat|Lap> HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA
<JackWat|Lap> Kayeffem|wrkin: thats fuckin crazy
<Adam^2> crazy bitch is crazy
<Kayeffem|wrkin> yea, i almost asked her if she was fucking with me
< gloone_> how i fucking wish that i would walk by a coughing cop today
< gloone_> and just fucking panic and point and yell "SWINE FLU!!!!!!!!!!!"
< gloone_> (and then get my ass kicked :()
(&sith) she wasn't fat
(&sith) but she's not skinny either
(+pixelmixer) so she was fat?
Heratique: i should go to bed
Heratique: goddammit I lack even the motivation to sleep!
Yuzaan: wow
Yuzaan: my kinda woman
Zerox: are you black
Eris: yes
Zerox: tell me the truth
Eris: I took a quiz online
Eris: it told me I'm black
<rewt3d> somewhere there's a company out there that has actually worked out how to enlarge penises, but they're powerless to reach their potential customers
<+k0tash> I once had a hard drive clunk-clicking
<+k0tash> Strange noises, wierd sounds and tick-ticking
<+k0tash> I thought I would wait
<+k0tash> And procrastinate...
<+k0tash> but now all my data is missing :(