<Warchamp7> The other day at work, two of my bosses were trying to find each other in the office
<Warchamp7> And they were yelling "Ping!" back and forth
<Warchamp7> It was one of the greatest moments of my life
<Mr_Nobu> So what if Jesus turned water into wine...I turned a whole student loan into Vodka once. Your move Jesus...
<MulleDK19> How would I do arctan without a calc?
<HiLander> first, dim the lights
<engimo> put on some barry manilow
<HiLander> pour two glasses of red wine
<engimo> light some candles maybe
<HiLander> and then.. wait for the magic to begin
<engimo> yeh
<aestetix> This is more of a good birthday present idea which lead to my mate getting dumped by his GF.
<aestetix> She couldn't afford buying him a bday present, so she gave him a bunch of slips for meals, massages, blowjobs etc.
<aestetix> She dumped him because for weeks he'd pull out a blowjob slip everytime they'd have an argument.
<roxylucy> omg did i tell you what embarrassing thing happened to me the other day?
<hedgab> not that i know of
<roxylucy> ok. well, i was visiting my friend in the hospital
<hedgab> yeah
<roxylucy> and so i was leaving
<roxylucy> but in the next room, i noticed a man covered in machinery, shivering.
<roxylucy> and i thought that was sad, so i pulled the blanket up for him
<roxylucy> and, with his breathing mask on, says, "can you see if my testicles are black"
<hedgab> omg really?
<roxylucy> i tried to decline, but he looked so frail and desperate
<roxylucy> so i checked to make sure no one was looking
<roxylucy> and i looked at it and it was just fine
<hedgab> haha ok
<roxylucy> so i was like, "nope, none of it is black"
<roxylucy> and he takes off his mask and says, "can you see if my test results are back"
<foxygrl> so me and my girlfriend were thinking of coming out together, to each others' parents
<hulachick> wait, marissa?
<foxygrl> kristen??
<foxygrl> holy shit i didn't even realize it...
<hulachick> yeah, weird isn't it...
<foxygrl> ......
<foxygrl> ...wanna cyber?
<bigman> dude, i just drew a bunch of cocks all over my textbook
<bigman> like whenever someone is standing, there would be a penis there in front of their face
<razor> isn't that kinda gay...
<bigman> only if they're male
<razor> no, i mean the fact that you enjoy drawing penises
<razor> you're like the guy from superbad who couldn't stop drawing dicks
<razor> and you think you're the next best thing because you're drawing them in peoples' faces?
<bigman> dude, that's low
<bigman> i'm gonna take our old yearbook and draw a big schlong where your mouth is
<razor> ...
< MYOB> Borders' website just died entirely on me in the middle of a satisfaction survey
< expensivelesbian> ha ha
< expensivelesbian> "how would you rate our website?"
< expensivelesbian> on a scale of 1 to 404
<furan> so I dropped by my lab to pick up my air conditioner
<furan> things I did not expect to find in the alleyway:
<furan> 1) a fetish shoot
<furan> 2) a fetish shoot
<asp> Atheim: Your name is one letter away from a very dangerous idea.
<Atheim> asp: Not sure what you're talking about, it's quite a few letters away from Christianity...
< leth> gnufs: but that is already perfect, why would you need to change it?
< gnufs> leth: free software is not about perfection but satisfying your ego by modifying stuff for no reason
<Pryoidain> I had this terrible sinus infection once, all the mucus, the works
<Pryoidain> Well at some point, between all the antihistamines, I thought it'd be a brilliant idea to snort a crapton of Instant coffee.
<Pryoidain> Now for those of you who don't know, ANY moisture will turn instant coffee, into actual coffee.
<Pryoidain> I became a human percolator for like, an hour an a half.
<asaph> ....You need to do one of those "This is what happens when you do drugs" commercials.
<asaph> Half the country would go sober 24 hours after it hit air.
<Erik> First catch from a dating site stopped replying because I was being "too intellectual".
<Erik> Second one thought I was "too good for her".
<Erik> Third one rejected me because I mentioned I enjoyed Dragonlance novels.
<Erik> Oh well, can't stop now.
<dd7> erik's finally coming out of the basement
<prime_> if java really did garbage collection the jvm would uninstall itself
Josh: it's amazing that people don't simply think "apostrophe's replace missing letters in a contraction" and use them correctly
Mike: ...please tell me that was intentional and sarcastic
Mike: because otherwise it's going in quotes.txt. and nothing ever gets removed from quotes.txt
Andrew to Ryan: Go Home?
Ryan: Yes
Andrew: What does that mean?
Ryan: It's the place with the other computer.
<+August> speaking of which, mom yelled at me the other day for not having a flying carpet in WoW.
<+August> i was like mom, my tailoring isn't high enough.
<+August> she was like "well get on it!"
ambulance: on my dryer machine the ignition knob is an oven knob for some reason
ambulance: I turn it to 'broil' to start my dryer
John: i need something perverted to say to my gf
John: i'm just not perverted and dont know anything about that stuff
Ethan: say "I want you inside of me."
John: okay
<chris> so a friend of mine had his senior prom on friday
<chris> and someone wanted to pay tribute to a kid that went to that school and died in a car accident
<chris> so he went to the DJ and asked to have a song dedicated to the kid
<chris> guess it was loud in the place because the DJ called the dead kid up to the DJ booth
<chris> ...the room went silent
Kat: You should have clocked how long you can hold it.
A V: well
A V: thats at least 90 minutes
A V: i know it was 90 min because i had fucking leekspin playing on loop
Kat: How disappointing
A V: and it clocked 90 minutes.
A V: yes, we fucked to leekspin.
A V: for 90 minutes
A V: and apparently i did well, because the next day, leekspin was her ringtone
<Raisin> Here's what I learned from Lifetime TV
<Raisin> Never go jogging or you'll get raped
<rmrfResume> So let me get this straight.
<rmrfResume> You built a linux system from scratch using hardened GCC
<rmrfResume> secured the whole system with RSBAC
<rmrfResume> Developed private chroots for each and every service ran on it
<rmrfResume> which include an http, ftp, smtp, pop3, imap, irc, and dyndns server
<rmrfResume> WITH mail filtering and dynamic mysql databases for each service
<rmrfResume> with the mysql daemon in its own chroot
<rmrfResume> then did same system networking for the whole lot
<rmrfResume> and had everything running in a single night?
<Pryoidain> I do cocaine.
<cjk> oh
<asaph[Away]> WOW
<rmrfResume> suddenly it all makes sense.
<Pryoidain> The higher the IQ of the individual...
<Pryoidain> The more they enjoy watching a robot drive into a wall at top speed.
<MiracleBlue> Oh ffs
<MiracleBlue> Something smells like piss
<MiracleBlue> As in, dog piss.
<Looie> got a dog?
<MiracleBlue> I've got 2.
<Looie> BINGO