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TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random<Prev1..125126127128129130131..599Next> |
#19518 (278/478) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Mike|Sleep> Good morning.
<Mike|Sleep> OMG it's 3PM |
#20994 (294/506) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Andris> See you later, masturbators.
<TheKid> After a while, pedophile. |
#25056 (218/372) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<gee`> actually... my parents told me if i didnt lose 40 pounds by summer, they would stop feeding me |
#25223 (273/469) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<briancuz>My mom is ashamed of me because i'm not an alterboy. My dads ashamed of me because i'm not a football star
<sswoop182>sooooooo............Tackle a priest |
#26222 (204/348) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Will> etiolate... I'm afraid you can't get Conker.
<etiolate> har har
<etiolate> Will, I'm afraid you can't get erections
<MeanolMido> Impotence. Nature's way of saying "no hard feelings" |
#26380 (255/437) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
(Anon) I want to be a concert promoter...
(Anon) and sign Dave Matthews Band, The Strokes, and Tool for the same show...
(Anon) and bill them in that order
(GiantRobot) yeah, because those three obviously have such similar fans...
(Anon) No no
(Anon) I just want the ticket stub
(Anon) Dave Matthews Band Strokes Tool |
#28296 (270/464) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<bobaverill> "OH LORD I PRAY FOR YOU TO GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO RELEASE THESE DEMONS FROM MY BOWELS"--guy in next stall over from mine |
#29037 (230/394) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<naga> so how long can nicknames be?
<parnbl00d> pretty long
* naga is now known as nagaiseatingpie
<nagaiseatingpie> cool
* naga is now known as nagalikeslongdicks
<nagalikeslongdicks> nicks! nicks!
<nagalikeslongdicks> shit |
#30359 (252/432) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< godsmoke> you know ... the FreeBSD devil is called beastie
< godsmoke> it has a name
< Gepeto> Ok
< Gepeto> now I do ;)
< godsmoke> as in ...
< godsmoke> "beastie" ... pronounce that
< godsmoke> slowly
< Gepeto> I see
< godsmoke> B.S.D
< Gepeto> They were on "leastie" when they thought that up |
#30618 (270/464) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
[niffie] I have no inhabitions right now
[aphr0] would you finger my asshole?
[niffie] no
[aphr0] then you have inhibitions |
#31458 (226/386) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
*** Signoff: Chilled_Mango (Quit: I feel like a mosquito in a nudist camp -- I don't know where to begin.) |
#135 (336/582) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<apoptygma> we have a jedi council at our fucking school
<apoptygma> how gay is that?!?
<apoptygma> i actually had a kid try that wavy hand thing on me |
#1344 (218/373) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Brentai> Do you ever wonder if Japanese people all laugh at the zany translations they get of American games? "Did you know that in America, 'Super Flamey Skull Man' is named 'Scorpion'?" "Ha ha! Scorpion!"
<gaspump> "Can you believe they wouldn't even LIKE commuter train simulators in America!?!" |
#3334 (210/358) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<lan_rover> i hate reruns.
<DAL9000> as do i
<lan_rover> i wish the tv stations would just say: "We're sorry.. we have nothing new to show you.. so please go do something productive." |
#4603 (202/344) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Thrasher> What drugs should be used to increase statistics in my game?
<Ear> Well, beta-blockers would have a positive effect on accuracy, but a negative effect on strength.
<Ear> Acebutolol hydrocholoride, alprenolol hydrocholoride, atenolol, labetalol hydrochloride, metoprolol tartrate, nadolol, oxprenolol hydrochloride, propranolol hydrocholoride, sotalol hydrocholoride are the beta-blockers banned by the IOC.
<Thrasher> ...Remind me not to ask you for help again. |
#6445 (277/477) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<gh5046> beep boop beep boop beep beep boop
<skrike> thats right r2 we're going to cloud city |
#6890 (189/324) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<sal> how to best explain the need for distributed systems to management? redundancy?
<Morbus> bodies.
<Morbus> think about it: if you bury a single body in one place, when the police find it, you're screwed.
<Morbus> but cut a body up and bury it all over the place, and you're maximizing your potential.
<sal> yeah im sure that'll hit close enough to home |
#8369 (205/349) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Shuichi> but i'm an optimist
<Slick_Wil> so glass half full then?
<Shuichi> are you implying i have a drinking problem Slick_Wil? |
#8755 (223/381) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<radead> (number of slashdot posts x ultima online character level)^(number of dime sized zits on face)/(girlfriends had before + 1) = sizeOf(nerd)
<radead> girlfriends had before + 1 so we don't get a divide by zero error |
#11169 (238/408) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<klerck> I've been wearing my immortality bracelet for a month, and I haven't died yet |
#1505 (242/416) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mrmanic> Stacy, are you what they call a "hottie"?
<StacySHWR> hhaha
<StacySHWR> i'm 17 :P
<mrmanic> Oh.
<mrmanic> So you're what they call "Jailbait"? |
#1601 (217/372) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<skatoni> will some one please help
<`NeXiGeN`> what's yer problem ?
<skatoni> there is a guy hacking into my computer
<`NeXiGeN`> unplug yer modem
<skatoni> how?
<`NeXiGeN`> see all those wires behind your computer box ?
<`NeXiGeN`> ripem all out
*** skatoni has quit IRC (Read error to skatoni[ppp012.rosenet.net]: Connection reset by peer) |
#2496 (220/376) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Carisear> Ever since i put the "Tires by Firestone" bumper sticker on my car, no one seems to tailgate me anymore. |
#5990 (196/335) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<zer0man> i wish someone told me that having a girlfriend was going to be difficult
<zer0man> or if they told me that, I wish i listened |
#6011 (242/416) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<incarnate> hey cres, I know what you're thinking right now
<incarnate> " "
<cres> i dont get it |
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