|#300358* (?/31) ⚐Flag |
<Fax> because if you write nutrition information labels for a living you need to get your kicks from somewhere
<Fax> I'd totally do stuff like "Polyethylene Monosodium Carbonate (Vitamin A, Vitamin B4, Vitamin lol this doesn't even exist I just made it up...but let's see you eat it NOW. Man I can't believe you're even still reading this. Go outside.)"
<lolfighter> Vitamin lol DOES exist.
<lolfighter> It was an experimental food additive developed in the very late 70s.
<lolfighter> By the early 80s a few human experiments had been made.
<lolfighter> My mother was strapped for cash, so she participated.
<lolfighter> She didn't know she was pregnant at the time.
<lolfighter> I was the result.
<lolfighter> The records were sealed after that and all research abandoned.
|#306632* (?/46) ⚐Flag |
<Drag> In the US, you can say ass, and you can say hole
<Drag> but you absolutely cannot say "asshole"
<Drag> you will get bleeped
<Rena> what if you're referring to the hole an ass is in
<Rena> "that's the hole where we keep the asses. the ass hole."
<devin> at that point you are charged with animal cruelty for keeping livestock inside of a hole
<Rena> well maybe it's a very big hole
<Drag> It must've taken a lot of work to get the ass hole that big
|#307260* (?/41) ⚐Flag |
<HarryD> well shit
<HarryD> that girl that i went on a date with?
<HarryD> wants to "head my log"
<B1naryth1ef> Why shit?
<HarryD> by log she meant penis
<HarryD> (i hope)
<B1naryth1ef> Or ya know, she has a lumberjack fetish
<cITs> why would she want to read old entries of your logfiles?Comment: #anapnea
|#297445* (?/41) ⚐Flag |
<tscmga?> hi, i am just trying to register a new account on ubuntu forum
<tscmga?> it ask me a question
<tscmga?> What color is an orange?
|#309766* (?/36) ⚐Flag |
<The_Ass_Burgerler> Er, Satan, you know that virgin I sacrificed to you?
<The_Ass_Burgerler> I kind of want her back
<Satan> Damn really?
<Satan> Well, rumor has it she isn't a virgin anymore
|#276906* (?/36) ⚐Flag |
xxx: told my boyfriend I wanna wake up to oral pleasure
xxx: and I woke up in the morning, cuz he was trying to stick his dick into my mouth
|#304863* (?/36) ⚐Flag |
<Hbomb> .seen zelse
<feepbot> Hbomb: I have last seen zelse 45 weeks, 3 days ago saying "well that was a disturbing mental image".
<Constie> It really bothered him a lot.
|#302178* (?/75) ⚐Flag |
<Ironholds> "Lady Almeria Braddock felt insulted by Mrs Elphinstone and challenged her to a duel in London's Hyde Park after their genteel conversation turned to the subject of Lady Almeria's true age. The ladies first exchanged pistol shots in which Lady Almeria's hat was damaged. They then continued with swords until Mrs. Elphinstone received a wound to her arm and agreed to write Lady Almeria an apology."
<Dragonfly6-7> "Please excuse the handwriting, as my arm was mutilated when some cow slashed at it with a sword."
|#305579* (?/60) ⚐Flag |
<Valtieri> Hmm, close friend's got an English professor who refuses to let the guys in his class wear anything on their heads, but allows female students to - no, it's not a religious thing, either; I asked him if it was just so that Muslim ladies could keep their headscarves on if they chose.
<Valtieri> I told him to wear his cat ears in. They're not a hat, they're an adorable headband. Discussion over.
<Valtieri> Haha, just told him this, too:
<Valtieri> <Val> Oh jeez, owls apparently keep swooping down like they're gonna steal my friend's hat when he's out jogging in the evening.
<Valtieri> <Val> What the fuck...?
<Valtieri> <Val> I told him to get a beanie hat, you know, with a propeller... form the blades from stainless steel, sharpened, power them with a drill motor.
<Valtieri> <Val> But this is a problem that should never exist.
<Valtieri> <Val> You could do something similar with your professor. "Mr. Veilleux, take off that hat." "Okay, take it from me."
<ShadowCrow> hahaha :D
<Valtieri> Thinking 18/8 stainless should do well enough for the cost/difficulty.
<Valtieri> Hmm... run off of the appropriate number of NiCd or NiMH AAs in a pocket, with a momentary switch inline for safety and convenience.
<Valtieri> Easy enough.
<Valtieri> The hardest part would be stabilising the hat, but if you take a construction hard hat, drill a couple holes, and install a low-profile mounting bracket for the drill motor (a bog-standard Mabuchi RS-540 would do it)...
<Valtieri> Paint that shit like a beanie hat, with gaily coloured quadrants...
<Valtieri> From there it's wire, a quick-release connector so you could carry the batteries and switch around but take off the hat, solder, and possibly resistors.
<Valtieri> I've never thought about murdering owls with a hat before.
|#302643* (?/20) ⚐Flag |
sunny_mousey: you are on your way to alcohol poisoning town.
SudoJones: do hety have laoiqikcer store therComment: #inportb on freenode
|#302958* (?/20) ⚐Flag |
<Unosuke> how does one go about cureing insecurity?
<Holst_> I hate this approach but it's really true (in most cases): Face your fears Uno
<Unosuke> but i wanna fix myself BEFORE I actually do anything D:
<Holst_> That's what I hate about the approach
<mark> Unosuke: there's also watering your scrotum till you grow a pair.
|#311245* (?/20) ⚐Flag |
<nacht> I sold body armor in a rite aid parking lot yesterday.
<Naraka> I love everything about that.
<nacht> Ohio ftw
<nacht> Are you a felon? No? Here buy this AK and 2000 rounds out of my trunk.
|#302352* (?/9) ⚐Flag |
lonestarnorth: so i had lunch at the mall today
lonestarnorth: i like to do that on mondays so i don't have to make my own lunch, ie can sleep in
lonestarnorth: and i was walking back
lonestarnorth: now, picture a guy 20 something years old
lonestarnorth: walking ahead of you
lonestarnorth: say he was walking past a store window
lonestarnorth: and suddenly he noticed there were BOOBS in that store window
lonestarnorth just as he was passing
lonestarnorth: imagine the look he would make
Scaramouche: heh, okay.
lonestarnorth: i saw an old guy do that
lonestarnorth: but for a sale on sweater vests
lonestarnorth: not boobs
lonestarnorth: i guess your priorities really do change when you get older
|#304009* (?/55) ⚐Flag |
***DoucheEnrique rolls 2 6-sided dice: 1 3
Mathii: 6 sided dice?
Mathii: didn't know those existed
Yellowchopsticks: are you serious?
Mathii: seen'em in those dungeons and dragons flash and what not
Vulpes: Sometimes I just want to cry.
|#302032* (?/93) ⚐Flag |
<+MachineDog> ....crap, how do I do the action things?
<+Kitten> you do /me
<+MachineDog> you WISHComment: My first day on IRC
|#305551* (?/50) ⚐Flag |
<%Kitten> Cuz Valentines day would mean people have a LIFE outside IRC
<Frokusblakah> I don't have a life outside of my room. >_>
<Frokusblakah> Its games, drawing, or going to class
<+Marukomuru> ...life? Outside?
<+Marukomuru> It's dangerous there...
<%Kitten> I had a life.
<%Kitten> I got it when I collected 100 coins in Mario
|#305297* (?/50) ⚐Flag |
<roverbat> I live near an old nuclear reactor
<roverbat> there's nothing wrong with me
<iva|phone> roverbat, how do you explain your wings then?
<roverbat> they go up and down, iva|phone
|#300402* (?/40) ⚐Flag |
<lewwy> so i invited some chicks over tomorrow night to build a computer
<lewwy> cuz they're sorta interested in how computers work etc etc
<lewwy> but they cancelled on me this morning...
<Splinton> Ah, thats not good.
<lewwy> yeah i wonder if i scared them off after i started reffering to at as "wild unprotected pc building"
|#308361* (?/25) ⚐Flag |
<Jeck> That's pretty much the opposite of my opinion. There's a time and a place for drugs, but a situation where you might die if you're not smart/careful enough is not one.
<Jeck> I might be biased, too. The time I had pot I had such an extreme reaction I hallucinated choirs of angels singing death metal while I shivered and threw up on a bathroom floor.
|#303699* (?/35) ⚐Flag |
<William> i just find it strange how life is so much about spending money now on the chance of saving money later
<William> we insure everything
<William> i have three kinds of home owner's insurange: one to protect me if i lose my job, one to protect the bank if i lose my job, and one to protect me if someone gets hurt on my property
<William> same thing for cars
<William> also life insurance
<William> health, dental, vision
<William> it's crazy
<William> at some point in order to break even, i'm going to have to start injuring myself on purpose ;-)
|#308129* (?/35) ⚐Flag |
<Moon_Doggy> seatbelts and hard nipples don't mix
|#296885* (?/35) ⚐Flag |
<Raine Sabaal> FUCK!
<Raine Sabaal> FUCK TEH INTERNET!!!
<Uuxaul> What is the internet doing?
<Raine Sabaal> I get a LOADING INDICATOR while sending messages on my INSTANT MESSENGER!
<Raine Sabaal> THAT'S NOT HOW INSTANT WORKS!
|#311390* (?/30) ⚐Flag |
<theblazehen> I should really learn perl sometime
<andrewlsd> ^ that's what he sed
|#299680* (?/30) ⚐Flag |
<TugC> hey anyone want some freshly tested proxies?
<Xero> i want some too TugC
<TugC> i tested all of them today in charon
<Xero> ONE OF THOSE IS MY SERVERS IP
<Xero> YOU FUCKING FUCK
|#308131* (?/30) ⚐Flag |
<SnortnSnowflakes> getting on the plane
<SnortnSnowflakes> and blowing that
<dippingsauce> oh thats way different than my master plan
<SnortnSnowflakes> you'd be doing all the blowing
<SnortnSnowflakes> it's not too different from your plan
<dippingsauce> naw im going to just hijack it and land it safely and then over the intercom yell MICROSOFT FLIGHT SIM FOR LIFE BITCHES then bounce out before the police come