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#302195* (?/84) ⚐Flag
dexi: Today this lady came in to best buy with a tv to exchange because it "didnt have enough features"
Cynic: wow
dexi: this lady was so funny...
dexi: im not done
dexi: this lady was so funny, in a bad way
Cynic: heh
dexi: she said "my neighbor has a sony that has a video game mode and it makes it so theres no delay between when you do something, and when it shows up on the screen
dexi: already she clearly has no idea wtf shes talking about
Cynic: wow
dexi: but i have to play along or i'll get fired, so i take her to the tv section and show her around
dexi: and she starts like... flirting, but trying to do it conspicuously
Cynic: ... how old is she?
dexi: like bending over far past whats comfortable to show off her ass
dexi: idk 30
Cynic: oh god
dexi: she was hott
dexi: so i didnt mind lol
Cynic: oh haha
dexi: but anyway, there was someone who needed help in video games (my area) and my coworker is better with TVs so we traded
dexi: and when i got back to him, the first thing he said was "That retard lady called you a retard"
dexi: then he said "and she kept trying to feel my cock"
#300945* (?/79) ⚐Flag
<%Chlamydia> normalboy: 100% CERTIFIED BONER FUEL.
<%Chlamydia> "boner fuel" is maybe one of my favorite phrases ever.
<@ME-tan> hahahaha
<+normalboy> sounds like a Monster energy drink spin off
<+normalboy> for those special bro-rape moments
<%Chlamydia> LOL
<@ME-tan> powerthirst!
<+normalboy> HEY
<+normalboy> TRY BONER FUEL
<%Chlamydia> I was up all night studying for a final when Braedon walked in with nothing but his bicycle shorts on and he wanted me to peg him in the ass but I was SO TIRED that I almost said NO but then I had a BONER FUEL
<+normalboy> MENERGY
<%Chlamydia> ^
#305899* (?/48) ⚐Flag
<apo`104_> Scientists Create World�s 1st Practical Artificial Leaf, 10X as Efficient as the Real Thing <- yeah, but it doesn't exactly grow on trees
#307428* (?/58) ⚐Flag
<Ifrit> 1992 telnetted, they want their joke back
#296865* (?/53) ⚐Flag
<Paradox> ok, so
<Paradox> I forgot what the latin root for 'hairy' was
<Paradox> so I punched in 'hairy latin' into google
#234487* (?/32) ⚐Flag
<Matthew> Eh, logged out already
<Matthew> Watching Wall-E
<AaronIsFab> It's not too bad
<Matthew> I don't get why girls think he's so cute.
<AaronIsFab> its an excuse to watch it
<Rsd95> i think they think the way he talks is cute or something
<Rsd95> the weird noises and what not
<Matthew> Must be a vibrator thing.
<Rsd95> probably
#311121* (?/21) ⚐Flag
<atom_bomb> my girlfriend has been pressuring me to write a book about about my engineering methodology
<atom_bomb> (after i told her how much money the agile software alliance makes)
<atom_bomb> my methodology is essentially a longwinded justification of procrastination
<atom_bomb> it just happens to be scrum-compatible and highly effective
#311433* (?/21) ⚐Flag
Smidge204: "Aluminium? Naw, can't afford that imported stuff. We use Aluminum."
#310944* (?/21) ⚐Flag
<@Kakashi> fake-url://sesame-street-debuts-new-character-with-autism.html
<@CaptainJistuce> See, this opens up a world of possibilities here. Oscar may be a bipolar hoarder instead of just the grouch that lives in a trashcan because that's where grouches live.
<@CaptainJistuce> Cookie Monster? SERIOUS eating disorder.
<@CaptainJistuce> "Maybe... maybe this cookie fill hole in Cookie Monster's heart. Me no want to be alone with the voices. Why the vegetables sing?!"
<@CaptainJistuce> Gee, that got dark fast.
#307291* (?/62) ⚐Flag
[22:25:04] <horrorfax> I want to make a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.
[22:25:39] <oughts> Still, that was a noble attempt.
[22:33:04] <horrorfax> I'm not even going to try to top that.
[22:33:07] <horrorfax> Well done.
[22:33:20] <horrorfax> That's a lie. I tried to top it for seven minutes.
#304451* (?/57) ⚐Flag
<mikemike> massive fail
<mikemike> put mail() on wrong line
<mikemike> just emailed myself 1273 times
#306043* (?/57) ⚐Flag
Akensai: if there is a hell, im going to it.
Akensai: research paper due: april 11 - i wrote it 10 minutes ago
Akensai: and i wont lose any points.
Akensai: opened an image in notepad, renamed it to research-final.docx and submitted, knowing full well it would take him 2 weeks to grade
(7:22:21 AM) Akensai: so i get an email an hour ago "The doc you submitted is corrupt, can you email it to me real fast? Sorry about this."
Akensai: so i wrote it in about 45 minutes and sent it
Akensai: he read it, got an A
Akensai: most of it was bullshit and broken reference links that i purposely placed, fake URLS to highly prestigious colleges/etc, just broke links and made em look real
Akensai: not my fault is a source is MIA
Akensai: 3 pages of made up crap that i didnt research, turned in more than a week late, written in 45 minutes. 98% A
#301772* (?/57) ⚐Flag
<Matazar> haha, so I found this girls profile on some dating site
<Matazar> her about me started off with:
<Matazar> "I am me, me I am! Do I like green eggs and ham? Do I like them on this couch? Do I eat them from a pouch? Do I like them with some punch? Do I eat them just for lunch? I guess you'll have to ask and see, and come to have some green with me!"
<Matazar> So I just sent her a message with the subject:
<Matazar> "I does not like green eggs and meat. It's you who I would like to eat."
#301487* (?/52) ⚐Flag
saltydog: i told you
thero: you did?
saltydog: you said youd go if someone bought you a drink
thero: stop talking to me when im drunk
saltydog: that leaves a 5 minute window each day to talk to you
thero: thats not my problem
#301256* (?/47) ⚐Flag
<Sebas> So today's dinner is leftovers.
<Sebas> Problem is, being the greedy fucks we are, we ate all the food yesterday.
<Sebas> I'm not entirely sure how my mum plans to make dinner out of nothing.
#306670* (?/47) ⚐Flag
<Nae> for fuck's sake
<Nae> fuck
<CUM_quesa> heh
<Nae> i was going to write either dicks or fucks
Comment: #isharia
#302407* (?/26) ⚐Flag
<Dustin> Me: "What can I get for you?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want a small popcorn, and don&#65533;t try to upsell me a medium!"
<Dustin> Me: "Can I interest you in a large then?"
<Dustin> Customer: "I want to speak to your manager."
Comment: #chatspike on irc.chatspike.net
#309219* (?/26) ⚐Flag
<@Kain_Dragoon> lol..... just ran google translate on a page full of names of hentai doujinshi
<@Kain_Dragoon> its funny shit
<@Kain_Dragoon> its so literal
<@Kain_Dragoon> Relocation of the capital hundred raw vagina
<@Kain_Dragoon> ROFL
<@Zinic> And this is why I don't do this
#303656* (?/71) ⚐Flag
<Rican boy87>: my dick is like Inception
<Rican boy87>: just keeps going deeper and deeper.
<GOLD SWORD>: then you wake up
#300358* (?/31) ⚐Flag
<Fax> en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapeseed
<Fax> because if you write nutrition information labels for a living you need to get your kicks from somewhere
<Fax> I'd totally do stuff like "Polyethylene Monosodium Carbonate (Vitamin A, Vitamin B4, Vitamin lol this doesn't even exist I just made it up...but let's see you eat it NOW. Man I can't believe you're even still reading this. Go outside.)"
<lolfighter> Vitamin lol DOES exist.
<lolfighter> It was an experimental food additive developed in the very late 70s.
<lolfighter> By the early 80s a few human experiments had been made.
<lolfighter> My mother was strapped for cash, so she participated.
<lolfighter> She didn't know she was pregnant at the time.
<lolfighter> I was the result.
<lolfighter> The records were sealed after that and all research abandoned.
#310115* (?/31) ⚐Flag
* CaptainAhab has joined #STALKER
<CaptainAhab> goodbye fellow stalkers
<CaptainAhab> cya in 12 months
<Spartan> umm...?
<CaptainAhab> going to leave to work on a ship
<Spartan> yours is truly Greek tragedy
<CaptainAhab> adios!
* CaptainAhab has left #STALKER
<Anna> work on a ship? dafuq
<Aardonyx> well he is a captain
<Anna> oh
<Anna> good point
#297855* (?/46) ⚐Flag
<&Hostile|afk> T. B. Bechtel, a City Councilor from Newcastle, Australia, was asked on
<&Hostile|afk> a local live radio talk show just what he thought about the allegations
<&Hostile|afk> of torture of suspected terrorists. His reply prompted his ejection from
<&Hostile|afk> the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.
<&Hostile|afk> All he said was this :
<&Hostile|afk> "If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car
<&Hostile|afk> battery to get the truth out of the lying little camel shagger will save
<&Hostile|afk> just one Australian life, then I have only three things to say:
<&Hostile|afk> Red is positive, black is negative and make sure his nuts are wet.
Comment: gotta love them aussies
#306632* (?/46) ⚐Flag
<Drag> In the US, you can say ass, and you can say hole
<Drag> but you absolutely cannot say "asshole"
<Drag> you will get bleeped
<Rena> what if you're referring to the hole an ass is in
<Rena> "that's the hole where we keep the asses. the ass hole."
<devin> at that point you are charged with animal cruelty for keeping livestock inside of a hole
<Rena> well maybe it's a very big hole
<Drag> It must've taken a lot of work to get the ass hole that big
#307260* (?/41) ⚐Flag
<HarryD> well shit
<HarryD> that girl that i went on a date with?
<B1naryth1ef> yes
<HarryD> wants to "head my log"
<B1naryth1ef> Why shit?
<HarryD> by log she meant penis
<HarryD> (i hope)
<B1naryth1ef> Or ya know, she has a lumberjack fetish
<cITs> why would she want to read old entries of your logfiles?
Comment: #anapnea
#297445* (?/41) ⚐Flag
<tscmga?> hi, i am just trying to register a new account on ubuntu forum
<tscmga?> it ask me a question
<tscmga?> What color is an orange?
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