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#147631 (771/907) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<KleverOneR> Hey carol...
<KleverOneR> How was the sex? 1 to 10
<Carousel> Which time??
<KleverOneR> Add them all together, then find the average
<Carousel> Hold on
|<-- Carousel has left dalnet (Ping timeout)
<Dayvid> Division by zero is a bitch amiright?
<KleverOneR>... |
#295274 (514/638) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< Yorokobi> I saw a great license plate frame and license plate today. The frame: What would Jesus do? The plate: JWRTFMComment: #ubuntu-us-ut on freenode
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#298611 (402/508) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<hayden> her: "i thought since you're good with electronics you could tell me whats wrong with my ipod..."
<hayden> her: "i dropped it in a lake, but-"
<hayden> me: "you dropped it in a lake?"
<hayden> her: "yeah but the little sticker didn't turn red"
<hayden> me: "you dropped it in a lake" |
#296017 (284/366) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Ranbar> the old classic of pornstar name
<Ranbar> your middle name+ the street you grew up on
<Ranbar> doesn't work for me
<Ranbar> as it results in
<Ranbar> Frank Farm Route 2375
<Ranbar> Which sounds like some sort of unstoppable hillbilly cockbot |
#221161 (296/392) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@mikesch> the woman sitting across from me has a weird tinyhand.
<@mikesch> with the same french manicure that her other, regular, hand has.
<@jop> are you picturing it around your cock
<@mikesch> I am now, you fucker. |
#213469 (200/264) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Raws> rofl
<Raws> I was just answering some poor guy's question in #java on another network, while I was watching these dateline things
<Raws> And I was talking about the dateline stuff in another channel
<Raws> So in the other channel, we all decide to change our nicks
<Raws> In the middle of me answering his question, this guy just sees
<Raws> *** Raws is now known as onlinepenisguy_464
<Raws> He just left |
#255326 (370/502) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<rmuser> one time when I was a kid I must have pissed off my mom's husband because he was like, "don't make me take my belt off"
<rmuser> I didn't understand the implications of this
<rmuser> so I was like, "but then your pants will fall down" |
#118122 (246/336) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<apples> the program 'apt-get' is currently not installed. You can install it by typing: apt-get install apt-get
<fuchoo> lol |
#184963 (260/360) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Moozh> my co-worker is making giant penis monsters on the spore character generator
<Moozh> this is the best job
<Zyla> WHY IS IT ALWAYS COCKS
<Zyla> GIVE MAN A MEDIUM TO CREATE
<Zyla> AND THE FIRST THING
<Zyla> COCKS
<Zyla> the washington monument
<Zyla> bullets
<Zyla> rockets
<Zyla> ALL COCKS
<agwho> what was the apollo mission
<agwho> if not the chance to create giant cocks |
#298561 (230/326) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<james> I wonder how many people are familiar with the term bukkake
<pegmeloN> :P
<pegmeloN> ... wow, that was about the worst possible choice of smiley for that response |
#176553 (200/292) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< nitrogen> who played tony stark in the new iron man?
< curgoth> Robert Downey Jr.
< curgoth> best choice for an alcoholic ego-maniac evar
< Novel> I thought that would be charlie sheen
< jose_> i thought that was gw bush
< curgoth> ok, but no one is going to believe charlie sheen playing a genius
< curgoth> and, um, ditto
< curgoth> imagine either sheen or bush uttering the line "if my math is right - and it always is..." |
#298565 (140/214) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<&Shayne> ok im done with speech recognition
<&Shayne> i sound like im talking to a retard
<&Shayne> when technically
<&Shayne> im talking to you guys
<&Shayne> so
<&Shayne> its half true |
#290414 (190/290) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<RobWrtchd> -8 is a great temperature, because it looks like an emoticon for what happens to your dick at -8 |
#298143 (227/361) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@louis> i dont remember if i brought this up
<@louis> but I was hanging out with my brother a couple of days ago.. was a rather hilarious conversation
<@louis> he starts explaining to me about a talk he had with my nephew
<@louis> (mind you, nephew = 14 or so)
<@louis> "Dad! Why are there so many girls going with girls now? Especially at my school" - Jr.
<@louis> Sr: "Well, son. Your generation isn't taking care of business." |
#140717 (303/485) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< TXX> i got free version : D (of xchat)
< ^Hav0c^> the one that crashes when you click the icon in the taskbar?
/*/ [Out] TXX
(~TrickyXX@cpe.atm4-0-78119.0x573d1992.aaanxx4.customer.tele.dk) has
quit [Read error: Connection reset by peer]
< TheDarkestDay> yup |
#180402 (186/296) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<moDumass> after a while youl find dreamweaver is more of a wysiwtf than a wysiwygComment: Freenode/#ubuntu
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#298803 (170/274) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<jatboy0> hello
<segin> uhh, hi?
<jatboy0> what is use of grep
<segin> Have you read the grep manual?
<jatboy0> yes
<segin> Do you understand English?
<jatboy0> yes
<segin> Then what is the problem? |
#298583 (147/239) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<echoplex> do you type by throwing chopsticks at a keyboard that is spinning or something? |
#262873 (162/268) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Dan> CAPS LOCK: ENGAGED, CAPTAIN. SETTING DESTINATION FOR PLANET COOL.
<pineapple> ARRIVED AT DESTINATION.
<Dan> COOL.
<Foxhill> FAILED TO CLEAR CUSTOMS.
<Foxhill> DEPORTED FOR OWNING PLAID SHIRT. |
#297398 (126/208) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<VyseTheQuick> i dropped my combo a lot
<VyseTheQuick> and i don't have control over OD
<RonJon1> wat
<SiftHeads> premature activation?
<VyseTheQuick> sadly yes
<SiftHeads> don't worry, it happens to everyone sooner or later.
<SiftHeads> someday you'll learn to control your activation
<pksage> You, too, can achieve Unison Bonus.
<@ApplesAtWork> I get a feeling this conversation isn't really about Rock BandComment: #Rockband
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#140733 (180/304) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<pulse> i remember when i was 16
<pulse> i applied to a dunkin donuts by me, because they were hiring for cashiers
<pulse> 3 weeks later, i hear nothing
<pulse> i go in there after and guess what i see
<pulse> a fucking chick with down syndrome standing at the register being taught by the manager how to use it
<pulse> that made me not want to apply for a job ever again |
#146569 (271/471) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<JSPX9> Whats the unit of measurement for energy in general?
<Totaliz> watt
<JSPX9> If you don't know then just don't fucking say anything, don't say fucking "wat" you douche
<Totaliz> no fuckbag its a "watt"
<JSPX9> Oh...sorry |
#200837 (185/319) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Pappy-R> To those that asked about it yesterday, I just got my call from my doctor and I passed my last round of tests. I am GOOD TO FLY!
<TaisiN> so the feather grafts took hold? |
#132854 (144/258) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@toxik> Guys, date("Y") doesn't return 2007
<@toxik> "2007" even
<@bigfoot-> maybe because it's 2008 already? :)
<@toxik> Oh?
<@toxik> I daresay... |
#279749 (135/259) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<the_silent_ech0> i wish the ravioli would respawn |
#294803 (120/244) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<zedebsky> by the time we got to the city i had to piss so bad and the windshield was so covered in salt i could barely see where i was going
<zedebsky> and the squirter thing was all frozen up
<zedebsky> so i filled up a bottle with piss and dumped it on the windshield
<zedebsky> two problems solved zero dolla |
#295040 (99/201) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(@craig): i was trying to reproduce an error
(~Terry): be sure not to use a condom then |
#298648 (71/145) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< Dave2> h*tp://www wristbands.co.uk/wristbands-textag.htm is the bands, fwiw
< amee2k> wtf? they have wristbands that you crimp onto your arm?
< amee2k> i'd feel like a piece of ethernet cable if they did that on my arm :P
< PeanutHorst> you mean you don't feel like a piece of ethernet cable normally?
< fow> I don't. I only have one male end. I'm actually okay with that. |
#296813 (89/191) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< Biiaru> i remember once i tried to autocomplete a sentence
< Biiaru> i was just kind of thinking what i wanted to say
< Biiaru> typed the first few letters, then tab
< Biiaru> didn't do shit |
#150718 (115/265) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Panteleimon> i bought a copy of brawl just to smash it with a hammer
<bannedfox> Panteleimon: was it worth it?
<Panteleimon> totally.
<Tenchi> heh
<Panteleimon> cuz i waited in a line to get it
<Panteleimon> and then i took it outside
<Panteleimon> and waited for the store to run out of copies
<Panteleimon> and i was like I HAVE A COPY
<Panteleimon> and i opened it up and smashed it with a hammer
<Panteleimon> and fanboys cried
<TerrorBite> You have just won your googly-eyed self a motherfucking internet. |
#113791 (61/147) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<druggy> i heard something about the us army having some solvers of battlefield problems which behave like rts bots
<longshock> so they stockpile resources then do wave after wave of tank rushes? |
#297836 (56/148) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
B9|work: Nothing inanimate is so important that it can't be left behind because you don't feel like making another trip.
***girasquid doesn't own many animate things
***B9|work has 2 kids and a dog. They are very animated. I can't leave them behind. It's not legal. :D
***girasquid has a roomba
B9|work: oooh |
#298790 (58/156) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Luv_Guru> Those girls are def. Japanese.
<pikapo0> no korean
<Seretonin> so they're just like japanese girls, but they can play starcraftComment: #tr
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#298630 (46/126) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(subdue) Fileserver, webserver, chatserver, mailserver... what other sort of server functionality would be neat to play with?
(@tigrex) neat being fun or useful?
(Zak) bacon server
(subdue) I suppose with a lot of scripting and some mechanical upgrades I could turn it into a web/bacon server
(subdue) a 7am cronjob |
#201343 (61/191) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
[+CJ] i didnt know the pentagon was in the shape of a pentagon till i saw it on transformers movieComment: call him an idiot at irc.swiftirc.net #swiftkit
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#294527 (67/219) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<nqfud> the local supermarket has an almost completely deaf cashier with a poor quality hearing aid, so she just guesses what you are saying
<nqfud> I said "you walk like your vagina lips are swollen" and she decided to tell me how her christmas day went |
#111707 (31/167) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Russa> but english is the dumbiest and easyest language to understand ever |
#298784 (29/165) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Triented> Let's make a movie that's the same feel of Oceans 11.
<Triented> Except instead of us breaking into a casino to steal cash...
<Triented> We'll break into Dynamix's abandoned office building to steal the Starsiege Tribes Source Code.Comment: TRIBES FOREVER
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#295891 (30/176) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<akari> it went kinda like this
<akari> "what, a game developer? you wanna learn to make pacman and tetris clones? yo i can teach you how"
<akari> i was like, yeah, sure, but i want to make better games in the future
<akari> "okay well... come over to my house, let me fuck you in the ass, and afterwards i'll teach you some c++"
<akari> "i mean thats what its going to be like for the rest of your life anyway. sure you get used to it after the first year or so but for a while you wake up each morning with a sore ass wondering where your life went wrong... and you remember its because you decided to let that hippie teach you about game development"
<akari> then he said something about it being one step above living as a starving, aids-ridden child in africa
<akari> so i guess im going to be a physics major instead
<HeroDrool> Heh, at least with Physics you'll be sucking tiny dicks instead of being reamed by big ones.
<akari> what do you mean?
<HeroDrool> That's probably what you'll be doing in exchange for having the Asians complete your homework. |
#298553 (14/146) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(TJames) Yes but i managed to make a website thanks to you dfstefan.
(dfstefan) as for your page ... you'll need a web server to show it to us
(TJames) :):)
(TJames) What?
(TJames) I gave you address
(TJames) C:\Users\thomas\Documents\website\page.html
(dfstefan) yeah .. that's an address from your computer
(dfstefan) :)
(TJames) Yeah.
(cqix) I would call it file path, but indeed
(dfstefan) i think
(TJames) Oh how can i format my website address into one like www? |
#203468 (13/285) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< brandon> SWITCHES AINT SHIT BUT NODES AND NICS |
#229818 (5/145) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<chicane> Sex And The City EXTENDED DVDRip XviD-BeStDivX
<chicane> sigh
<chicane> another release
<Atrius> I already thought that sarah jessica parker's nose was extended enough |
#260034 (0/154) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(10:25:39 PM) silenc: does frontpage run good under wine?Comment: another #infoleak genius
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#254638 (-12/430) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<anEmoSlurpee> YOUUUU
<anEmoSlurpee> CRANK DAT SOULJA BOI
<Phasmorphage> JEWWWW
<Phasmorphage> CRANK DAT TAX RETURNComment: #hih, irc.bungie.org
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#129485 (-7/241) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@pinkxels> i bet like 30% of hillary's votes are women going "OH YEAH"
<@Mr_Giraffe> a kool aid man jar full of menstrual blood
<@Mr_Giraffe> crashing through a polling place |
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