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#59732 (659/877) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Snags> Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
<Snags> "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."
<Snags> But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:
<Snags> "Dave.....
<Snags> Dave.....
<Snags> Dave, you sick bastard
<Snags> You're a vet." |
#59664 (352/474) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
garysimat: so...
garysimat: all i need is 2000 now to get my rims
garysimat: 1/5 the way there
Aeternum Tacet: ...
Aeternum Tacet: aren't the stock rims nice?
garysimat: there decent
garysimat: but i want 20" chrome
Aeternum Tacet: I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I hope you get robbed |
#59744 (360/500) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Knightmare> Well that was a night of fear and terror.
<Timork> ?
<Knightmare> I bought a bag of mushrooms and a bottle of Everclear.
<Knightmare> Settled down for a nice evening of mind altering psychadelia
<Timork> Bad trip huh?
<Knightmare> Horrible, I never want to go through it again.
<Knightmare> Somewhere along the line I installed emacs. |
#59752 (379/529) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<sektie> the glare of the sun off my own skin is triggering the sensor in my macbook that dims the display
<sektie> this is fucking with me
<MrZodiac> submit a apple support request
<MrZodiac> “I’m too white to use apple”Comment: Troubleshooting on EFnet #bifemunix
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#59652 (278/442) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<user573> i buy all my software, especially ms stuff
<sav> sure
<sav> i buy all my movies too
<sav> and mp3s
<sav> i mean cds |
#59734 (266/466) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
KingFelix: Oh, dear, that's funny. Glad I caught that!
KingFelix: I just created a new account for the Naval Academy on one of our services, & the randomly-generated password came out as "KILLNAVY". had to fix that right quick! |
#59677 (230/418) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
(regarding a text ad saying "Quantum Mechanics & You: How You Can Master Quantum Time To Gain Extreme Wealth And Success")
drw: I wonder if there's a way I could use quantum mechanics to pass the test in quantum mechanics
drw: other than learning it
zee: there probably is
zee: but you won't know about it until you learn quantum mechanics
zee: so you're kinda pwned
drw: well
drw: perhaps after learning it I could use quantum mechanics to travel to the past and tell myself how to do it without learning quantum mechanics
drw: thus closing the loop
drw: ok
drw: I'll just sit here and wait for my future self to arrive
drw: it kinda solved itself |
#59761 (240/444) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<anotherpadawan> you know, the Nintendo DS ad campaign "Touching is good" is going to give whole new meaning to "blaming video games"... |
#59753 (365/685) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Calamarain> Idiot. Someone told me that Schindler's list was a "box of tissues film"
<Calamarain> What a load of crap
<Calamarain> I only jerked off once. |
#59651 (278/524) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<qozi> Mmkay. Let this be a lesson to ya all
<qozi> getting piss drunk and playing with the flyback on a CRT is NOT the way to a "fun night".
<qozi> Although it is entirely entertaining to see people getting eletrozapped with enough force to clear several meters backwards
<qozi> such is NOT entertaining when it's your turn and you happen to be the only one bare-footed standing on wet grass outside.
<qozi> On the positive side, ether my body is still in shock, or running 20kVolts across your skin is a good way to prevent handovers, although my feet are still completly numb and unresponsive this wonderful morning.Comment: Aftermath of a party at the electronics repair shop
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#59757 (297/571) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<MadSkz> Row, row, row your boat
<MadSkz> Cuban refugees
<MadSkz> If you row fast enough
<MadSkz> You will reach the Keys. |
#59695 (278/538) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<StupidStupor> I just got back from the hospital, getting a cast put on my kid's arm.
<MoFoCowKing> Damn.
<StupidStupor> I was teaching him to ride his bike without his training wheels, but when I let go, he fell off the bike.
<StupidStupor> So I broke the little bastard's arm. |
#59739 (220/450) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Camper Man: There must have been a power outage
Camper Man: No ones online
Benbread: No, you're just unpopular |
#59615 (186/384) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Alegis> Do you happen to have a harem?
<procto> depends what you mean by "happen", "have", and "harem"
<procto> because if you're asking "do you masturbate" I'll have to decline to answer.Comment: #qc
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#55588 (243/549) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
aishiteiru: So, I'm making a cake for my gf for valentine's day, right?
aishiteiru: Anyway... I start talking about how the smell is filling the house
aishiteiru: and it's making me hungry
aishiteiru: and then she asks what I'm making
aishiteiru: but I don't want to tell her, it's a surprise, right?
aishiteiru: so I say the first thing off the top of my head.
aishiteiru: "Chocolate boobies."
aishiteiru: She believed me.
aishiteiru: So then I started going on about how I was going to fill it with vanilla frosting
aishiteiru: and wondering about the logistics of attaching the nipple
aishiteiru: she COMPLETELY believed it all
aishiteiru: and she was freaking about it
aishiteiru: then I did that old line
aishiteiru: "...Hey? Did you know that gullible isn't in the dictionary?"
aishiteiru: she got it at that point.
aishiteiru: Cake mix: $4.
aishiteiru: Frosting: $5.
aishiteiru: Convincing your girlfriend that you're making a chocolate boobie:
aishiteiru: Priceless. |
#59657 (152/392) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Faery`Nymph> you know that position that you fuck on your sides, kind of like side-ways doggie?
<+fungirly> yeah
<Faery`Nymph> what's it called?
<M4rc> sex
<M4rc> naming it is just being a showoff
<M4rc> ='( |
#59620 (99/311) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<nihon-jin> why would you need regular partner for causual sex.... i'm speaking about geeks & sex, not about geeks and relationships here
<teh_LaC> who needs a regular partner when you have regular expressions? |
#59548 (-3/367) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<buffalo> i shave with an electric razor because using a normal razor i get awful razorburn as a result
<buffalo> i was shopping at walmart today and saw the gillette fusion razor and figured "hm, maybe five razors would help"
<buffalo> just shaved a few hours ago, and now i remember why i use a goddamn electric in the first place.
<buffalo> i put some lotion on my face to help the itching, but it had alcohol in it and made my chin and neck ten times worse
<buffalo> it's like somebody took smallpox, acne, mosquitoes and chicken pox and unleashed hell on my chin
<DietBob> So I guess you could say, you've got smacnequitopox? :)
* buffalo groans |
#59549 (-3/299) ↑Funny ↓Bad ⚐Flag
< Hivemind> How many outsider HD do you reckon God would have?
<@DigDug> HD?
< Hivemind> Hit Die
< Hivemind> D&D joke?
< Hivemind> -_-
<@Rjx_> he probably has none
<@Rjx_> because he's not an RPG nerd
<@Rjx_> like youComment: #geekissues
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