#300657* (?/29) ⚐Flag
<TS> All right.
<TS> A few weeks ago, we - shit, five of us, that guy Nick, his girl M., and two of their friends - were with me, we were just riding around
<TS> it was intended as a half-cocked mailboxing/fucking-around run
<TS> that was the night we stole a half-dozen cones to supplement the ones in my trunk, then closed off a dirt road
<TS> anyway, we had a baseball bat, were ready to use it
<TS> but we did a bit too much fucking around - at one point there was a scarecrow in the car
<TS> right after we took off from that, a police car came 'round the corner, didn't see anything, but saw me pull away
<TS> so I sped up slightly, not enough to arouse suspicion, and the contraband - scarecrow, pumpkin or two, and the bat - went out the windows before the cop could finish turning around and catch up
<TS> We went back for the bat last night. But anyway.
<TS> On the way down there, we see a dead... something... in the opposite lane. Nick thought it was a possum; I suggested that it looked like a 'coon, from the tail
<TS> We said 'we'll get it when we come back'
<TS> So we went down, spent half an hour looking for the bat that someone presumably picked up in between
<TS> (for we didn't find it)
<TS> he got the branch instead, I ran down the reflector, he took out a few 'boxes, we headed back north.
<TS> We come to the raccoon - for that's what it was.
<TS> Stopped, put on my hazards, lit 'er up with my high beams and tossed Nick the electric torch.
<TS> Someone ran over the head. It was pretty impressive.
<TS> It had shit itself as it died, so there were a few clumps of coon shit trailing a few feet behind it.
<TS> We noticed that it'd either drooled or foamed somewhat as it lay there, though its mouth was clean. May have been rabid, then.
<TS> "Run it over."
<TS> "Hahahaha, what?"
<TS> "Run it over. Right over it."
<TS> This was nothing strange; I'd nailed a dead beaver at a good clip before. It's usually a barrel of laughs.
<TS> They decided they were standing way back.
<TS> "No, you aren't. If I'm running this bitch over, you're watching."
<TS> I lined the wheels up, got it solidly with both. Made a good crunch.
<TS> I pulled forward and stopped. Nick was busting a gut laughing. It must've been a beautiful sight.
<TS> "I should do a burnout..."
<TS> I threw 'er in reverse and carefully guided the back wheels over the slightly misshapen 'coon. Yeah. This was happening.
<TS> I eased Violet forward until the left rear tire was directly behind the partially squashed 'coon. Held down the brake pedal. Gunned it.
<TS> The tires took a second to catch, but when they did, that motherfucker flew a good ten, maybe fifteen feet backward. Less than twenty, anyway.
<TS> We didn't quit laughing for several minutes afterward. I put "Sultans of Swing" back on - it'd been paused - and we left.
<TS> Achievement Unlocked: Bitchin' Rabid Coon Burnout. |