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#294500 (1063/1211) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<MurderMachine> So did I ever tell you the story of how my parents met?
<DryBones> Nope.
<MurderMachine> Well, there are two versions I guess.
<DryBones> How?
<MurderMachine> The story my Mum tells is: A group of idiots pushed her over while ice skating and my Dad heroically went over and helped her up.
<MurderMachine> The story my Dad tells is: He paid a group of idiots to go push her over so he could go heroically help her up.
<DryBones> ROFL
<MurderMachine> I have been paid not to tell her. |
#283502 (736/862) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< Laura> I used to have a preserved human penis in a jar.
< Laura> It was lost in a move.
< Laura> This made me sad until someone pointed out that that means that SOMEONE moved into a house and found a human penis in a jar.
< Laura> This makes me feel better. |
#297426 (448/554) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Errdoth> Guess what I have that you don't.
<ichai> virginity?
<Errdoth> :( |
#127326 (386/506) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Random> I've wanked 50 times this year.
<Random> My ring finger is sore...
<Kogita> it's the third of January. You need help. |
#297172 (475/627) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<foxygrl> so me and my girlfriend were thinking of coming out together, to each others' parents
<hulachick> wait, marissa?
<foxygrl> kristen??
<foxygrl> holy shit i didn't even realize it...
<hulachick> yeah, weird isn't it...
<foxygrl> ......
<foxygrl> ...wanna cyber? |
#261527 (341/467) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<kuiper> My mom got me a toilet brush for Christmas.
<sic> lmao
<sic> have you been using it?
<kuiper> Well, yeah, but it hasn't been working too well. In fact, I think I may just go back to using paper. |
#286353 (226/336) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< Liem> check this out, I was driving down my street yesterday
< Liem> a guy walking his dog flags me down
< Liem> I'm all "wtf?"
< Liem> "Hey! So you're the guy with the "uid 0" license plate!"
< Liem> "yeah, that's me."
< Liem> "So, I was laid off 2 weeks ago, is your employer hiring software engineers?"
< Coraxyn> :)
< Liem> "welcome to the party pal, I am a 5-week laid off software engineer."
< Liem> FLAGGED DOWN for a job. can you believe that?
< Coraxyn> Yes |
#199773 (136/266) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<yak[work]> This,..... is the weirdest error message I have ever gotten on database import...
<yak[work]> ---
<yak[work]> ERROR 1064 (42000) at line 1302: You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds to your MySQL server version for the right syntax to use near ''orgasmic climax is like a parado' at line 1
<yak[work]> --- |
#294769 (47/271) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<angelphish> my figners smell funny
<king_egg> wtf are figners
<angelphish> fingers you fucking faggot
<angelphish> what a mroon
<king_egg> oh shit yeah figners. the things on my hnadsComment: #sa on SynIrc
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#185334 (0/288) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<ichigo_> i always wonder why they call it comp sci
<ichigo_> its not science
<ichigo_> science is like, mixing shit in beakersComment: #4chan
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