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#297776 (1809/2025) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<DevXen> seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. |
#260967 (1010/1186) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Dexi: so..... I got a black eye at work today...
Grim: haha how?
Dexi: you know how in cartoons when someone steps on a rake, it comes up and hits them in the face?
Dexi: yeah that really happens. |
#297775 (1511/1779) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Pryoidain> Did I tell you guys my cop story?
<asaph> No, Pry.
<Pryoidain> Okay so..
<Pryoidain> I get hungry one day, and I tell my mom I'm heading out.
<Pryoidain> She tells me to pick up a watermelon from the farmer's market while i'm out.
<Pryoidain> So I do, and I notice the KFC across the street is open.
<Pryoidain> Being someone who pays very close attention to gas usage, I make the logical choice and get some KFC.
<cjk> ...oh boy...
<Pryoidain> Yep. I turn down king and flip the radio dial, and during my fumbling I speed up to 55.
<Pryoidain> King is a 45.
<Pryoidain> so I fly by this cop, who promptly pulls me over.
<Pryoidain> The cop...is BLACK.
<Pryoidain> He walks up to the window, and asks the question.
<Pryoidain> "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
<Pryoidain> I just...leaned back so he could see the watermelon and the fried chicken in the passenger seat.
<Pryoidain> the cop damn near pissed himself laughing. He laughed for a solid five minutes.
<Pryoidain> I then...got off...WITHOUT A TICKET. |
#296679 (390/496) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@impossible> my buds and i share dedicated server hosting
<@impossible> so we all paypal our one friend for the monthly payment
<@impossible> so for the last four months it's been paypal messages like, "less teeth, more attentino to the balls"
<@impossible> and he got an email today saying his account has been permanently closed for adult services, which is a violation of paypal usage |
#281474 (335/431) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Loser> what will happen when I tell my parents I'm bi>
<GaidinBDJ> You mother looks at your father and says "You owe me $100"Comment: #fark
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#297766 (653/877) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<@monkey> so, is anyone else going to update their resume with "5 year google beta tester"? |
#297780 (418/566) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<kylierenea> I have the COOLEST teacher in my substance abuse class!
<kylierenea> I was in my substance abuse class today
<kylierenea> we were on the topic of marijuana
<kylierenea> and she started telling this story...
<kylierenea> she said "one day i was pulling weeds from my garden"
<kylierenea> and she's this really nice, old lady too..
<kylierenea> and she says "while I'm pulling weeds i see this small plant.."
<kylierenea> "and i think to myself, this looks like marijuana"
<kylierenea> "so i bring it up to my nose and smell it and i'm like.."
<kylierenea> "this SMELLS like marijuana..."
<kylierenea> then she says "so i take it inside, grind it, roll it, and smoke it"
<kylierenea> "and I'm like, 'this IS marijuana!" |
#297356 (272/380) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<dd7> ah, what the hell
<dd7> the girl i just started dating told me she hacks into sites using sql injection and ddos
<Trenzein> your girlfriend is a script kiddie
<Trenzein> lmao |
#197843 (154/212) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<toby> if you look up 'outer' on wikipedia
<toby> you are redirected to 'interior'
<toby> i didn't expect an article but come now
<toby> it looks like a wacky big brother logan's run type of thing
<toby> don't concern yourself with the outside! what's inside our suspicious utopian encyclopedia is all your life need be! |
#297762 (422/602) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate" |
#295087 (192/330) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
%rok3n> explain the 90s in one sentence.
@solaroperator> dildo: not just for women anymore |
#297051 (139/303) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Andrew to Ryan: Go Home?
Ryan: Yes
Andrew: What does that mean?
Ryan: It's the place with the other computer.Comment: Overheard two co-workers
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#297681 (90/202) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
Jason: need to buy a few things
Jason: 1, set of goalie gears (most expensive... need to spend time shop around.. would cost $600+ brand new)
Jason: 2, hockey bags (prolly can get what i want for 20 bucks. just need to make sure size is big enough)
Jason: 3, my mom's spoon rack
Me-MSN: why do you need to buy that?
Me-MSN: doesn't your mom already have a nice rack?
Jason: she's asian |
#297601 (59/349) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<MmmBacon> When Farah Fawcett got to heaven, and went through the pearly gates, she was greeted by God.
<MmmBacon> "Wow!" exclaimed the Holy Ghost. "We really enjoyed your work here. Especially Charlie's Angels! I still have a poster in my office of you with that red bikini!"
<MmmBacon> Farah is a little taken aback. "Thank you, Lord..."
<MmmBacon> Jehovah goes on, "Well, I have a special reward for you. I'm prepared to grant you one wish. Have anything in mind?"
<MmmBacon> Not one to act selfish and change God's opinion of her, Farah thinks for a second and decides upon a wish. "I'd like for all the children of the world to be safe and sound forever."
<MmmBacon> "Done!" exclaims the Heavenly Father. He snaps, and Michael Jackson appears next to Farah.Comment: ##socialites@freenode
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