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#61355 (648/762) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<mack> i totally got pwned by a spider this morning
<mack> there has been this garden spider living in the kitchen of my house, and i don't care because when summer nears it gets hot so flies come in and bug me...so i let him stay
<mack> so anyways. i wake up and grab my smokes and head for the sliding door to go out and have a smoke
<mack> i'm two feet away from the door when i walk into his web, and it scares the shit out of me cause i'm still half asleep
<mack> i stumble back and bump into the couch, flip over it as i lose my footing, and my legs crash into the coffee table, effectively splitting it in two
<mack> i'm laying there figuring out what just happened, and the spider bites my nose!
<mack> like HE'S having a bad day :/ |
#61687 (268/408) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<CtrlAltDestroy> Man, I just had quite a College Student moment
<CtrlAltDestroy> I was eating a slice of pizza, and a big glob of sauce fell onto my shirt
<CtrlAltDestroy> I looked around for some paper towels or napkins or whatever to wipe it off with
<CtrlAltDestroy> Couldn't find any
<CtrlAltDestroy> So I wiped it off with my shirt |
#61592 (304/548) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Khaos> Ok, so I was on a long, boring flight on sunday, ok?
<Khaos> the old lady sitting next to me was joking with the flight attendant, so when the attendant came to get our snack orders, the lady says, "Well, I'd have a nice sirloin."
<Khaos> The flight attendant played along, asking how she wanted that cooked.
<Khaos> As they were talking, I swear that the first thought that popped into my head was "Steak on a plane!"
<Khaos> I actually said this out loud. So now, I have a bruise on my arm from where the guy in the window seat hit me. |
#60815 (269/523) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<don> bruce lee could fight all of the batmans (batmen?...) at once and he doesn't need any fancy gadets or a car or even a shirt
<don> just a wooden pole and some really cheesy zooms
<don> and whooshing noises when he punches
<don> that's not sound effects
<don> that's the air, scared of his fists, jumping out of the way
<don> there was literally no air resistance when that man moved
<don> it's a well known fact that every major earthquake in the 70's is attributable directly to the earth trying to get away from bruce lee |
#60788 (231/523) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Haohmaru77> a woman enters a vibrators shop,
<Haohmaru77> and shes all excited
<Haohmaru77> so she asks the vendor
<Haohmaru77> "do you sell vibrators?"
<Haohmaru77> and the guys like "yes"
<Haohmaru77> so the girl asks
<Haohmaru77> "do you know how they work?"
<Haohmaru77> and the guys like "yes"
<ichi_nii_san> .....
<Haohmaru77> so the girl, all excited, asks
<Haohmaru77> "could you tell me how to turn it off?" |
#61203 (28/366) ↑Good ↓Bad ⚐Flag
<Romykins> Well, grass is always greener on the other side etc etc
<Omi> That saying is so stupid
<Omi> Have you ever turned a bit of grass over? For a start, it's not green.
<Xa> A blade of grass or a field of grass?
<Omi> Field... cut a square of grass from a garden and turn it over. I'd love to meet the person who came up with that saying.
<Omi> I bet you the moron was colorblind. |
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