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#56166 (355/439) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Darien> I love my job
<Darien> I saw a coworker trying to figure out how to make his chair lean back
<Darien> he was on the ground looking at the bottom of it
<Darien> we talk about the chairs for a minute or so
<Darien> then he puts on his headset, hits a button on his phone, and says 'Sorry ma'am, thanks for holding.' |
#56197 (337/497) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Rusty> have you ever really thought about when people call themselves a bad motherfucker?
<Rusty> i mean wtf
<Rusty> "fear me! for not only do i engage in sex acts with a parent, but i suck at it!" |
#56208 (237/359) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
Teloch: i was helping my tech teacher out a few days in july or so
Teloch: and
Teloch: i got some calls
Teloch: from potential customers
Teloch: and one of them was this little boy who couldn't have been more than six or seven
Teloch: and he was almost in TEARS
Teloch: "everything i type is in caps what do i do my moms goinng to kill me" |
#56192 (233/353) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<thefwf> lent soon
<thefwf> this is where my amazing plan comes in
<FSR|Meatwad> yeah
<FSR|Meatwad> which is
<thefwf> my new years resolution was to give up something for lent
<thefwf> and for lent
<thefwf> i'm giving up my new years resolution
<thefwf> WIN! |
#56274 (261/401) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<guyadams[serious]> where do you live teloch
<Teloch> NC.
<guyadams[serious]> North korea?
<guyadams[serious]> or north carolina
<Teloch> Korea starts with a "K", in case you didn't see that. |
#56199 (251/419) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
madskz: dude i keep typing my password instead of my username for gmail
madskz: so frickin annoying!!
khaos: lol
khaos: wat's ur gmail username anyway?
madskz: tr7321
madskz: FUCK |
#56249 (301/509) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Advocate> Hey guys, wanna hear a riddle? ^^
<Advocate> There's jill and jack on the floor, dead
<LightFang> They're fish
<Advocate> I hate you |
#56189 (197/335) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<thefwf> I'm gonna go slit wrists
<thefwf> brb
<pritch> k
<pritch> wait that's bad for you
<pritch> and emo
<thefwf> Who said I'm doing it to my wrists? |
#56367 (280/486) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<FrozenTrout> I stubbed my toe
<Thorog> (This toe is a stub. You can help #sluggysquad by expanding it!) |
#56188 (152/272) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Nuttacon> i hate this, i have sooooooooooo much i could be doing..
<Nuttacon> it's overwhelming, i end up just worrying about how to do it all and not get anything done :(
<pentium176> i think you need a lesson in time management
<Nuttacon> perhaps
<Nuttacon> i don't know when i'd have time for it |
#56295 (173/339) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<TheMouse> Aurora, CS at jouse of pancock
<TheMouse> pancakes
<TheMouse> PANCAKES
<Aurora> PAGING DR. FREUD |
#56152 (153/303) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
• ~Delphy sticks a usb flash drive up his nostril.
(Deathwings) "new hardware found" |
#56161 (160/322) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Apophis> "marry such women as seem good to you, 2, 3, or 4, or if you fear you will not do justice (between them) then marry only one or what your right hand possesses"
<Apophis> am I correct in understanding this Koran passage to say, "Marry 2, 3, or 4 hot babes, or, if you can't handle them, either marry just one of them, or jerk off."
<Apophis> if so, I could get used to islam.
<olaf> lol
<Apophis> its win-win
<Apophis> either I get multiple hot babes, or I can masturbate without sinning |
#56337 (163/331) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Mal> I may have made a fatal error in my personal development.
<Wad_Shooter> What'dya mean?
<Mal> OK, so a couple of years ago I graduate, get ready to go to university.
<Mal> And I'm a nice guy and everything, but I'm a bit quiet. Shy, you know?
<Wad_Shooter> Yeah...
<Mal> So I decide to become more of a quick speaker. The kind of guy who's got a good one-liner for any situation. Pretty easy stuff - I started by using a few characters from books, sort of borrowing their mannerisms, and it eventually stuck. I started becoming more talkative, and more outwardly funny.
<Mal> Basically I was just coming out and saying the shit that was going through my head anyway.
<Mal> Problem was, at around the same time I started reading these fucking quote sites - Bash, QDB, you know.
<Wad_Shooter> OK...
<Mal> So I'm still coming out with funny stuff that's going through my head - but now it's like 99% 'your mum' jokes.
<Wad_Shooter> LOL, smooth
<Mal> Shut up, your mum takes it in the arse. |
#56138 (143/291) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<CantOutRunADuck> man i wish i had a little brother so i could play with Transformers without looking like a tool
<bored> you'd still look like a tool
<iGuy> i think the fact that you are a tool makes you look like a tool. having a little brother just means you have company in the toolchest |
#56171 (106/234) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<woops> people without porn invent stuff like computers or solve world hunger |
#56225 (113/249) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+Pi> dhhhhh
* Pi is trying out dvorak again
<+elmar> the dvorak keyboard?
<+Pi> no, fucking the composers corpse. |
#56231 (135/313) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<+Wulf> Last night I was at a concert that really sucked, and the only time I clapped was when the guy said "give yourself a warm round of applause" |
#56287 (126/300) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<@saic> lol you have an IRL char?
<@saic> what level? |
#56160 (99/259) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<ddrfreak> 58 points
<ddrfreak> 7 deaths
<ddrfreak> I AM A FUCKIN MACHINE!
<yeats> You killed 7 people during sex? |
#56271 (66/262) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
< WakkoWRNR> I am a proud member of PETA
< WakkoWRNR> People Eating Tasty Animals |
#56157 (18/230) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
(+tfg) I wonder how far my punto could tow a caravan
(gez) nowhere without being illegal, otherwise anywhere downhill
(+tfg) how would it be illegal?
(gez) your licence wont cover it
(+tfg) wrong
(+tfg) as long as it's under 3 tonne I'm sorted
(gez) you sure?
(+tfg) I can drive a car + trailer up to a combined mass of 3500KG
(gez) who the fuck tows anything over 3 tons?
(Jani) aeroplanes weigh over 3 tonnes
(gez) true
(gez) i must remember not to tow mine to school tomorrow
(Jani) gonna fly it instead? |
#56254 (17/251) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<[4D]Prontera> ..I wonder if how you drive indicates what your IQ is ;)
<Blade|> i guess you drive slow to represent yours |
#56079 (-5/519) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Video> I'm ordering a white DVD burner, on the assumption that it'll work. |
#56291 (-1/345) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<rhoppenrath> xanadu: I don't get tested....I just fuck women.....and tell them I have aids......when they freak out....go get tested and call me crying from joy because they are clean I know I passed
<rhoppenrath> I'm cheapComment: irc.vaccus.com @ #main
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#56235 (-7/365) ↑Funny ↓Not ⚐Flag
<Kav> fat people are people x2 |
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