QDB: Latest Approved Quotes
About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search

TodayLatestBestTopWorst1337Random123456..580Next>
#309185 (77/83) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<lucky> i got into it with an asphalt contractor at work and then had his truck towed for being in a handicapped space.
<SatNiGHTS> did you shout at him "MENTAL HANDICAPS DON'T COUNT!"?
<lucky> the best part? the lines are barely visible because HE didn't paint them as he was hired to do last summer. so he didn't see them.
<lucky> he came storming in, scared my paraschiz resident (poor guy), and demanded he be "payed what he was owed for his time in August". i told him that according to our records, he was paid exactly what he was owed - in that, he was paid for what he did, not what the original contract said. He never re-striped the lot or sealed the south end of the cul de sac.
<lucky> he wouldn't shut up.  i asked him to leave. he didn't. i told him to leave. he didn't. i made his truck leave without him while he was making an irate phone call.
<myself> did he see it in mid-tow, or only after it was gone?
<lucky> mid tow. told him they regularly monitor the handicapped spaces, it is after all a senior community. his reply : "YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE THE FUCKING SYMBOL!!!!" my reply: "my point exactly."
#308836 (20/24) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<aydiosmio> I don't anticipate the world moving away from keyboards any time soon for the sake of productivity
<nydel> aydiosmio: i think the world will split into people who use touch-screens & people who have shit to do
Comment: #2600 on irc.2600.net
#304895 (25/49) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< jMCg> With something's not right I meant: I just measured my temperature, and although I feel hot, it says 34.
< jMCg> I think I should try that again.
< jMCg> Much better results: 35.8
< jMCg> Lets see what it says when I put it in m
< apanek-work> ...
< jMCg> y tea.
#311181 (28/48) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Maali> hm, google scholar fucked up the autogenerated description of my phd thesis
<Maali> it basically shows broken random crap like A#$*UAD $FFVCVADFHSD *OIRWEIUNC and then 'by darwin himself'
<Maali> looks like darwin was summoning the kthulhu so i wont even bother changing the description, it's just perfect!
#311162 (45/51) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<VesicantDerp> Is there a name for selling your blood plasma, then using that money to get super fucked up on a normal amount of booze while you're low on blood?
<SpaceMarine> no
<SpaceMarine> but there really should be
The London Vandal Store, you should check it out.
#311148 (36/44) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Flanders> $markov Mozilla
<ChelsieBot> Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 6.1; WOW64; Trident/7.0; rv:11.0) like Gecko Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 6.1; WOW64; Trident/7.0; rv:11.0) like Gecko Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 6.1; WOW64; Trident/7.0; rv:11.0) like Gecko Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT lol GOOD IDEA, CHELSIEBOT!
<Kawa> Hold up
<Kawa> Did she just notice she got in a loop?!
#311143 (41/51) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<devilmaydry> play pso2 while working
<~Drakkar> ncan't
<~Drakkar> -m
<~Drakkar> +m
<~Drakkar> -n
<~Drakkar> writing
<InfiniteOregano> i like that you made sure to add the m that you took away even though there was no m to begin with
<InfiniteOregano> you can't have negative ms floating about
<InfiniteOregano> breaking reality
#311142 (51/55) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<l0de> oh shit that "walked over my grave" feeling when someone's IRC nickname is your root password
#311141 (89/99) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<slidercrank> is that true that Spanish programmers have to write ¡ along with ! in their code? such as "while (¡var!) {..}" The same with the ternary operator: a=¿b>0? b; -b;Comment: ##c++:
#305915 (50/80) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Lolth> Apparently at some point the city designer got a fetish of one-way streets, and unless you know your way around, you're in for a big surprise...
<Crazy-Cabal> How do you have a fetish for roadways? I mean I even accept jet planes getting it on but...
<Midwoka> Roads have curves...
<Midwoka> ...Though, depending on your sexuality, you might be put off by the man-holes...
#304195 (65/99) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<NCommander> Don't let someone with an uncontrolled seizure history give you oral sex
#309167 (52/98) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<bob> how does Pandora not have an xbox app.
<jmather> bob: because it's not pandora's box
#308272 (78/122) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<jerith> I have a friend called ed.
<jerith> We once got him a shirt for his birthday. It said "the standard text editor".
#306378 (61/91) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
dcNate2: wow the UN says internet access is a human right?
Crispy`: dcNate2: Yep./
dcNate2: free internet for all?
Crispy`: well
Crispy`: I have a dream
Crispy`: that one day, we will break free from the chains of oppression
Crispy`: all of God's children
Crispy`: DSL users
Crispy`: cable users
Crispy`: satellite internet users
Crispy`: will be united as one under an internet that imposes no caps!
Crispy`: No restrictions! no limits! No censorship nor greedy corporate owners!
Crispy`: We are all free and equal under the tubes!
dcNate2: judge me not by my ISP, but the QoS of my connection!
#306373 (35/65) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
Judith: I sleep face down because my nose gets cold.
You: So you can't breathe, but at least your nose is warm.
Judtih: NO, it's like swimming. You tilt your head when you want to breathe.
Lyndon B Comic: A tri-monthly comic of the deathly important
#259327 (47/73) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+Nohc> I feel like playing video games\
<+Nohc> but I have too much work
<+aero> Has that stopped you before?
<+Nohc> good point
#310438 (71/103) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<+element> i hope im not bleeding out of my asshole
<Tarball`> famous last words
#309659 (53/97) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<mgodzilla> windows has given me a recedin' hairline...unix has helped me grow a beard.
#304914 (104/202) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
*** Drumroll has joined #main
*** html has joined #main
*** head has joined #main
*** title has joined #main
*** body has joined #main
*** h1 has joined #main
* Drumroll please...
<html> X
<head> X
<title> Hello world! </title>
<body> X
<h1> Hello World! </h1> </body> </html>
*** Drumroll has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** html has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** head has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** title has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** body has quit IRC (Quit: )
*** h1 has quit IRC (Quit: )
#304639 (62/126) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Sebas> I still want to start a stoner metal band because it's so damn easy
<Sebas> The guitarist gets 40 seconds to find the next chord, the drummer has to stick to like 5bpm, the bassist just fuzzes about a bit, and you slap tons of distortion on the vocals
<al> Bach would be proud
<Sebas> Only if he were around in our day and age
<Sebas> Bach to the Future
<nwagers> for the record, that was terrible
<Sebas> One might even say it was the vinyl straw?
#310382 (58/86) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<@Madda> Well, people don't seem too bothered by the "Our app will now record audio from your mobile"
<@Madda> So... *shrugs*
<~Altieri> Well, part of the problem is that those privacy warnings aren't always clear.
<@Crazed_Succubus> i feel like if i was that bothered i'd cut myself off from all technology and live in the woods
<@Crazed_Succubus> but i'm determined not to Thoreau my life away
#309512 (57/69) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
< elliott> As mentioned in the outline history section a French artillery officer by the name of Nicholas Cugnot (1729-1804) made a steam three-wheeler intended for military use in 1769. This was arguably the first 'motor vehicle' although the small boiler could carry only enough water for a fifteen minute run and the maximum speed was about 4mph.
< elliott> In spite of these limitations on his first road trial of the three wheeler machine, making him arguably the first motorist, M. Cugnot hit a wall, becoming the first motorist to have an accident, and after several more experiments he scored the hat trick by becoming the first person to be arrested and imprisoned for dangerous driving.
#307798 (58/82) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<vera> i always ask them if they are having an abortion first because it was awkward that one time i was like look heres your baby and heres his heart beating and she was like ok can you take it out of meComment: Vera is a doctor.
#311057 (68/98) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Amy> some animals don't have tails, i guess a snake is an example of the opposite
<Amy> where the tail doesn't have an animal
#311034 (32/82) ↑Good ↓Awful ⚐Flag
<Agentimoline> what does fnord even mean
<Celti> Fnord is evaporated herbal tea without the herbs.
<Celti> Or if you prefer, fnord is toast without bread.
<Celti> Fnord is where they keep the unused serifs for sans-serif fonts.
<Celti> Fnord... is the echo of silence.
<Celti> Fnord is a colour only blind people can see.
<Celti> Fnord is why LISP has so many parentheses.
<Celti> Fnord is a four-leaf clover — with a missing leaf.
<Celti> Fnord is neither a particle nor a wave.
<Celti> Fnord is the space in between the pixels on your screen.
<Celti> Fnord is the smallest number greater than zero.
<Celti> Fnord lives in the empty space above the decimal point in that number.
<Celti> Fnord is the founding father of the phrase "founding father".
<Celti> The fnords will eat you if you're not careful.
<Celti> If you try and see them.
<Celti> They're everywhere, if you look. But don't look. Fnord.
<Celti> Does that answer the question sufficiently?
<Celti> I can't really go on.
<Celti> It's too dangerous.
The Preferences page allows you to disable these links and much more!
save page | share 123456..580Next>

About / Browse / Latest / Random / Queue / Prefs / Submit Quote / Search
14,398 quotes approved; 9,879 fermenting; karma: 191.8550