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#52980 (376/504) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Waffle> son of a bitch
<Waffle> this is not chapstick
<Waffle> this is a glue stick
<Waffle> fuckComment: #nodewar
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#51034 (334/464) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
DerANgeD: not cool! ctrl+w closes firefox
DerANgeD: I was trying to press shift+w and accidentally hit my ctrl button
Triumph: whats shift+w?
DerANgeD: a capital W dumbass |
#52911 (287/411) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Damian> Ever since my male cat died, my female one won't leave me alone.
<Damian> I think she's lonely without him.
<Ren> I think she just wants to get laid.
<Damian> I think you need to shut the fuck up about my cat. |
#53032 (242/356) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<coldradio> if you are gonna rip on green day for being "lacking in creativity" or some other shit like that, what is so special about what you are doing? are you making music? are you getting up on a stage in front of thousands of people and performing songs that have over a hundred notes to be memorized? no.
<whoopiecat> you don't have to be able to cook to know that something tastes like shit |
#53019 (194/286) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<@Currawong> I have a 486 in the corner that's been compiling XFree since 1999.
<@Currawong> Every so often I think about cancelling the job, but then I'd have to go shop for a space heater. |
#52876 (197/297) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<MandaBella> Ben...I see your point
<Tigerlily> Ben, put your point away. Manda can see it. |
#52944 (182/318) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Charlie> Lets play a game
<Charlie> you put an ^ and say what you think about the person above you then put a v for who you think the next person will be
<jakle> how do you get a down arrow?
<Genga> ... |
#53023 (165/287) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
[JRJohn] here's a bit of info about me: i went on steroids when I was in gradeschool so I wouldn't stop breathing and die, same time I grew a couple feet.
[WeirdAl] john: I've always had two feet |
#52794 (137/237) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Haplo> Just in case you guys didn't believe me yet.
<Haplo> The client bringing the desserts and drinks for the party just showed up.
<Haplo> This is an office of TWELVE PEOPLE.
<Haplo> And he brought:
<Haplo> two cakes, a cheesecake sampler, two bags of Lindt truffles, one of those large containers of cookies from the grocery store, two containers of fudge (one peanut-butter), mini-cupcakes, and four bags of assorted holiday candy (Twix, Crunch, Kisses, etc)
<AdP> Wow. That's a sugar coma waiting to happen.
<Fusilliban> Yes, and I must claim it as mine.
<tanuki> IS THERE A DENTIST IN THE HOUSE?
<Haplo> We're next door to the dental school yes.
<tanuki> Haplo: sure they didn't bribe the guy into bringing that much sugar?
* tanuki grumbles about his missing pastamastery
<Haplo> Actually tanuki, the point is that the guy is trying to bribe US to buy more of his products.
<AdP> Yeah, from the spread, I'm guessing the client is in the insulin business. |
#52828 (137/245) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<frosty-theaussie> help me, i have on day to make up my mind for university/college :(
<frosty-theaussie> i can pretty much get into any course i want, i got the score, but i dont know what i want to do :(
<marcf> dont be like me
<frosty-theaussie> why?
<marcf> sat on my bum for a year and a half after school finished
<frosty-theaussie> oh
<marcf> twas a pretty good chair though |
#52979 (175/317) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<matr1x> the name gaylord means "brave strength " in old french
<Luigi30> matr1x: it means "homosexual god" in modern english |
#52892 (182/334) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<+Karuma|Spooky> Boxes are fun...
<%robert> you have no idea how right you are
<%robert> nothing like a good box to reduce stress
* Karuma|Spooky made fun shelves from boxes.
<+Karuma|Spooky> ^^
<%robert> I do'nt know about you, but I'm talking about vaginas
<@Stray_Pussy> lol
<%robert> and I know for a fact that most girls get pissed when you try to store things in their vaginas |
#53031 (176/334) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
[DragonOutlaw] I have a crazy website/irc idea
[DragonOutlaw] shit my elbow
[DragonOutlaw] I hit it on the desk
[@dragoonz] I like it!
[DragonOutlaw] ASSHOLE DESK
[%ForgottenSin] THATS GENIUS |
#52798 (161/319) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Lemmiwinks> omfg i took this shit 5MEO-AMT i got off this research chem website its like LSD but woah haha
<DaFool> what web site?
<Gewgle> haha drugee
<Lemmiwinks> hold on im gonna get some juice
<DaFool> NO WHATS THE WEB SITE!
<Gewgle> its been like 20 minutes prolly kicked over lol
<DaFool> bs i wanted that site lol
____________________________________________________________________________
5 hours later
<Lemmiwinks> ok back sorry had to use bathroom
<DaFool> dude that was like 4 hours ago
<Lemmiwinks> no way omg
<DaFool> hah that good huh?
<Lemmiwinks> dude this juice is warm i jus poured it
<L1nuxFox> wtf is he talkin bout
<Lemmiwinks> OMG ITS 9pm! wtfComment: Exerpiments with Japanese Chemicals
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#52958 (136/268) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Junithorn> Well, I've come to the realization that America really needs to convert to metric..
<Junithorn> I was down in NY visiting a friend and we decide to drive back up to Canada
<Junithorn> So ok, driving along the highway in the US, 60 MPH whatever, 80 MPH... and then we cross the border and he sees the sign, but doesnt see the KMH... 120.
<Junithorn> I didn't even think his car went that fast
< |
#52986 (126/248) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<vect0rx> im so sick of job interviewing.. is there a freenode chan for that?
<Erwin> Would you say job interviews were your greatest weakness? And if you joined that channel, where do you see yourself after 5 years on it?Comment: ##C@Freenode
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#52891 (176/356) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<JimmyJ> Ken: Your sister is so damn hot... I want to rape her for hours and hours...
<Ken1> AutoReply from Ken1: I am currently away, but my sister would be happy to give me your message.
<JimmyJ> OH CRAP! |
#52991 (135/273) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Maniaman> bah
<Maniaman> i forget how to spell maintenance
<Maniaman> wait nevermindComment: #gscript at irc.freenode.net
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#52969 (149/307) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
syuu: still looking for a job?
reima: yeah. no luck so far.
syuu: here. try this one. Dec-20 Fun Fabulous Bookkeeper Wanted (downtown / civic / van ness) <<accounting/finance
reima: what?! 18 to 20 bucks an hour for bookkeeper? Not bad.
reima: wait, it's says "Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender community"
reima: you asshole.
reima: .....
reima: .......
reima: 20 bucks an hour, right?
syuu: I can't believe you're contemplating this.Comment: *job hunting at craigslist*
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#52935 (152/322) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
During 2005 NYC MTA strike...
ZeK666: "Breaking news: Bush attempting to intervene, said he feels confident he can solve this problem because has managed similar situations in Railroad Tycoon." |
#52996 (107/227) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
Zot: Fascinating shit.
Zot: Did you know that male spiders, instead of
copulating with females, will place their sperm on a
web, dip their jaw appendages into it, and then stick
their jaws into the female's vaginal opening?
Zot: I can't wait to use that as a pick-up line.
Zot: :)
Jillness: omg
Jillness: lol
Jillness: Im so gonna borrow that
Zot: It's not a facial; it's spidersex! |
#52916 (137/295) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Scythe-> so
<Scythe-> i got sick of my compyboxen crashing
<Scythe-> due to (i suspect) an overheating video card
<Scythe-> so i pulled it off, pulled the heat sink off, scraped off the stock heat conductive goo and put on some propper stuff
<Scythe-> so now i'm waiting to see if it's going to crash
[19:04:33] <Scythe-> or explode into flame
[19:07:33] * Scythe- (~hahaha@Scythe-.engineer.gamesurge) has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
<ari> I'd say explode.
<ari> That was what, 3 minutes?Comment: Kaboom
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#52824 (120/266) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Nick> i love it when conservative friends of mine try to debate me
<Nick> (Nick) i will counterspell any and all "intelligent design" theories out there
<Nick> (Nick) are you ready?
<Nick> (Nick) MALES HAVE NIPPLES.
<Nick> (Nick) i win =( |
#52938 (125/283) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
< psysick> why do fat ppl get hired as security guards
< psysick> are they considered more attentive to television screens? |
#53056 (91/205) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<pushplay> she probably would never survive phil 120
<Xianmas> a retarded monkey could pass phil 120
<Xianmas> a retarded monkey with a head injury even
<Xianmas> if you don't "get" truth tables, you don't belong in the human race
<Xianmas> that should be the eugenics test
<Xianmas> show truth table for A AND B
<Xianmas> A B A /\ B
<Xianmas> 0 1 ?
<Xianmas> if ? = 0, you die
<Xianmas> err
<Xianmas> 1
<Xianmas> OMG!!
<dalor> Xianmas: you filtered out your first idiot |
#52953 (87/221) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<kinglol> help! my monitor just crashed!!
<richy275> did you check the plugs?
<kinglol> hello anyone here?Comment: no comment
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#52841 (80/208) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
< orange9> gentoo?
< ScooterTi> bless you |
#52786 (89/241) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<BigOne> Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
<BigOne> If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
<BigOne> If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
<BigOne> If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. |
#53043 (86/238) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<MajorDeath> Anyone else having trouble connecting to the forums?
<Chuck_F_Norris> I know what your trouble is.
* Chuck_F_Norris roundhouse kicks MajorDeath in the face.
<Chuck_F_Norris> Problem fixed.
<MajorDeath> doh
<MajorDeath> nope, that didn't help!
<MajorDeath> do it again
* Chuck_F_Norris roundhouse kicks MajorDeath in the groin.
<Chuck_F_Norris> I can't fix ugly people, but i can prevent them from making more. |
#52940 (101/293) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Foxhill[work]> remember girls.. stop boys becoming emo.. suck more cock |
#52976 (96/276) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
[+pepper] ive seen someone throat a mag light
[@Oreoz] lol @ chris
[@Oreoz] WTF
[@Oreoz] no way
[+pepper] yeah
[@Oreoz] can i meet her?
[@Chris] lol
[@Chris] yeah me too
[+pepper] it was a guy
[+pepper] lol
[@Chris] oh
[@Chris] damnit
[@Oreoz] WHOA
[@Oreoz] ..
[@Oreoz] can i meet him?Comment: Poor Oreoz and his dreams of homosexuality
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#53055 (78/238) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<m[a]cky> I wish my lawn was emo, so it would cut itself. |
#52838 (85/265) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Kyle> ah yes, I remember my first time..she was lying on the bed and I was holding my coat and saying out loud "hmm I cant decide whether or not I'm going to do this with my coat on or off.." and shes looking at me like "wtf" and I start putting it on and I continue talking "and right now its looking like..coat" |
#53053 (74/260) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Morton> Joke time.
<Morton> What has legs but can't walk?
<sid> A statue?
<@onix> a table
<Morton> A CRIPPLE! |
#52868 (64/296) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<grumpydog> Cerlyn, like Kentucky fried chicken...you start with the breast and work your way to the thigh and at the end of it you still have a greasy box to put your bone in. |
#52819 (43/217) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Kodan> god! why is it that 99.9% of every medicine out there HAS to come in cherry?
<Kodan> why the hell not banana, or orange?
<kodan> Cherries SUCK!
<Nick> not the virgin kind ;)
<Kodan> ...that's the most immature thing i've read all week |
#52978 (40/204) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
CP8948: I am going to hurt myself jerking my bow like that...Comment: she plays violin..
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#52939 (43/263) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<Luncheon> i like my women how i like my whiskey... 12 years old and from scotland |
#52771 (28/180) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
(actionshrimp) my friend said he had the gaelicum.a virus, and the first thing i thought was gay lick cum, does that make me queer? |
#52790 (25/323) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
dusty whats the medical term for an asshole?
teh_moth president of the united statesComment: #Love_and_nature on irc.aau.cx
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#53006 (3/215) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
ell: buzz tracker.
Ik: I almost asked what buzz tracker does.
Ik: But then I remembered, I have the internet.Comment: The student has learned to Google...
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#52762 (1/263) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<AlexZero> ah, luckliy my ball pain has subsided
<AlexZero> I was probably just creating a super sperm |
#53071 (0/246) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<divinesnake> You know you're a nerd when you would rather sniff 1gig of ram than a hot girls bra.Comment: #ramen on efnet
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#52818 (-5/285) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
<andariel> Strangest thing happened the other day... I was fucking my girlfriend doggystyle when all of a sudden she turns around and calls me a paedophile! So I just slapped her arse and said 'That's a mighty big word for a twelve year old'.Comment: #na on Utonet
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#52778 (-12/238) ↑Funny ↓Boring ⚐Flag
rcfalcons07: proof why chuck norris is my hero-
rcfalcons07: Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. |
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