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#311604* (?/3) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<TheVirus> So I had a girlfriend for all of 9 months. She dropped
by one afternoon when I was sick with a pan of brownies and a video
tape with the simpsons on it (my favorite show). so I start eating
the brownies and turn on the tape. midway through it, it cuts to
her sucking off some dude. he nuts in her mouth, she looks at the
camera, and says "you're dumped. enjoy the brownies" - and spits
the mouthful of cum into a bowl of brownie mix.
<alexandr-> you didn't keep eating the brownies did you?
<TheVirus> sure did
<TheVirus> i was hungry
Comment: Taken from bash.org
#311602* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<F-Man> one time I did it while watching Star Wars (again, really horny) and I reached climax right when the death star blew up
#311600* (?/9) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<yipdw> I use IRC via a straw
<yipdw> that's why it sucks so much
#311599* (?/11) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<G-Flex> I just got another scam phone call
<G-Flex> for diabetic testing supplies
<G-Flex> you can really fucking tell these people anything
<G-Flex> I told them I have "tons of diabetes" and that I am Jaundice McLeod at P.O. Box 1901098, Little Compton, Alaska
<G-Flex> I asked them if they'd be delivering the equipment, because I've been having trouble receiving deliveries lately because there was an accident at a nearby laboratory and time around me has been very nonlinea
<G-Flex> nonlinear*
<G-Flex> "last week I got a lamp delivered from Amazon five times in a row, and that was before I even ordered it"
<BW2> heh
<G-Flex> he transferred me to another person and I told them the birth date they have on file for me is probably incorrect, as it has changed recently
<Moodcarver> ah the good old days in little compton
<Moodcarver> the fried pea salesmen hawking their gristle door to door
<G-Flex> she asked me what time it was where I am and I said "well in Alaska it's like noon, where I am it works a bit differently right now, I can actually see two suns in the sky and I can't really think about it or my nose will start bleeding again"
<G-Flex> I told her she could call me back in three hours, she said yes
#311595* (?/11) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<dokodonmystery> reading character descriptions of smash characters is so funny because it's like
<dokodonmystery> this is lucas, his life and family were ruined by colonialists and capitalism
<dokodonmystery> this is snake, he's a genetic clone who suffers from the cost of endless war
<dokodonmystery> this is king dedede. he loves food
#311593* (?/12) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<+Jigsy> I honestly rate the Emoji movie a ¬_¬ out of :>
#311592* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<RenegadePanther> like korea has those one toilets that spray water up your ass
<RenegadePanther> it feels weird
<RenegadePanther> but you like it... so you start to question things.
<RenegadePanther> on your return trip from Seoul, you realize, you may never have that feeling of asshole water again, and you become incomplaicent.
<RenegadePanther> after a short while of using the american Johnathan Crappers, you realize you dont feel the same on your old porcelain throne. partially because it doesn't plug into the wall.
<RenegadePanther> You constantly bounce back and fourth from hopeful optimism that you will be able to order one. and then, crippling pessimism when you realize you may not be worthy of korean asshole spraying toilets.
<RenegadePanther> After months of this way of american life, you settle into a manic state, wondering if other seat-like structures will provide the same experience, yet; it never happens. Friends and family start to get worried.
<RenegadePanther> You finally hit rock bottom; you go into a life of crime, trying to get a hold. Trying to find your way to south Korean asshole-spraying toilets.
#311591* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<@swight> man, CNN is depressing today - anchors are bursting into tears talking about Bourdain
<@swight> url/3d-printed-house-concrete-the-netherlands-van-wijnen/
<+tr3> yeah, i saw some stuff this morning about it
<+tr3> they were having a hard time talking
<@swight> was just listening to an anchor mention his daughter and she just full out cried
<@swight> url/3d-printed-house-concrete-the-netherlands-van-wijnen/
* +tr3 smacks swight
<+tr3> damn disc keeps skipping
<+tr3> playing the same segment over and over
<@swight> lol
<@swight> url/3d-printed-house-concrete-the-netherlands-van-wijnen/
<@swight> url/3d-printed-house-concrete-the-netherlands-van-wijnen/
<@swight> url/3d-printed-house-concrete-the-netherlands-van-wijnen/
* +tr3 pulls the plug
* @swight has left #geekissues
Comment: #geekissues EFNet
#311590* (?/7) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Thatnom> my mom gave me sex ed with 2 stuffies on my birthday in the gift shop
#311589* (?/4) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<cuisir> Ever eat gravy?
<cuisir> Or drink
<tincan> yes, i drink only coffee
<tincan> never had water in my life
<MurkyBanana> coffee has water in it
<cuisir> Gravy
<cuisir> Not coffee or water
<cuisir> Flour and grease, I think
-*- genii immediately gets the coffee gravy to go
<MurkyBanana> hmm.. coffee gravy
<genii> Might be good to try at Thanksgiving, offset the tryptophan
<MurkyBanana> brilliant!
Comment: freenode
#311588* (?/9) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<@Splunge> grrrrr
<@Splunge> why does the scottie terrier have to destroy everything
<@Splunge> even stuff which should have been safe on my desk
<@Splunge> RIP Flexi octopus
<@Half> Because he's a terriorist.
Comment: #tsc
#311587* (?/7) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<rekt> ra doesnt build character
<rekt> it reveals it
#311586* (?/23) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Jigsy> I always hated learning Algebra in school. If I had to rate it, I'd give it X out of 10.
#311584* (?/14) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<yuken> I'm using javascript right now, it's absolutely garbage.
<furrywolf> yes, it is.  why, exactly, are you using it?  your doctor may be able to prescribe you medication that can help with that...
#311583* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<KeeperOfDreams> Who is ready for some fun times?
* TungstenCarbide does not raise hand.
#311582* (?/21) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
@KittyKatt | I'll describe the weather to you in the form of a haiku.
@KittyKatt | There are birds chirping
@KittyKatt | But my heater is broken
@KittyKatt | I am fucking cold
#311581* (?/16) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<dysk> I began experiencing an unintended consequence ever since I put a lot of my old crappy MIDI music on SoundCloud.
<YelseyKing> ...what?
<dysk> Random people have been liking specific songs and following me, for an incredibly stupid reason.
<YelseyKing> Oh noes. People *like* your music? Dreadful.
<dysk> They have automated bot-type abilities to search for, and like, absolutely any song with specific words in the title, regardless of the song's content.
<YelseyKing> Oh. Hah. Dumb bots.
<dysk> Stupidest thing I've ever heard.
<YelseyKing> Yeah.
<dysk> So I have a few songs with the word "Party" in the title. I get notifications from out of nowhere about these accounts that like my "Party" songs, so I'm curious about these accounts and look them up. They also like tens of
thousands of other songs and audio files with "Party" in the title, from disco to hip-hop to political rallies.
<YelseyKing> lol
<YelseyKing> Bots are so dumb.
<dysk> I tell you, nothing gets a dance floor moving quite like a Bob Dole speech from 1996.
<YelseyKing> Oh yes.
#311580* (?/15) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<YelseyKing> ...every time I hear a car alarm, I fantasize about dropping a piano on said vehicle.
#311579* (?/14) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<pholtos> Ted Nugent says Democrats should be shot like coyotes
<YelseyKing> Ted Nugent also said the kids protesting gun violence "have no soul". The guy is a lunatic.
<StriderHLC> Ted Nugent got out of Vietnam by shitting his pants for a week.
<StriderHLC> Just getting that out there.
#311578* (?/8) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<pholtos> Have you seen that website, "Ted Cruz for Human President"?
<YelseyKing> That Ted Cruz is "human" is up for debate.
<StriderHLC> Remember the time he liked a porn tweet
<YelseyKing> omg
<StriderHLC> (fun fact: every single picture of ted cruz is hilarious under the headline "Ted Cruz liked a porn tweet")
#311575* (?/12) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<jonspw> what's wrong with irc?
<EricE> not a damn thing
#311574* (?/14) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<KKT> Oh the board game box's rate is $19
<KKT> I guess length makes a big difference
<bildramer> no, girth
<Namelesswonder> angle of the dangle
#311573* (?/28) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Kite> Although Men are the default state and that's just a FACT
<Kite> I think people are born 51% male 49% female so :^)
<Cedric> I was born 100% male personally
#311571* (?/18) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<Cinos> you can't spell success without succ
#311570* (?/18) ↑Keep It ↓Trash It ⚐Flag
<DEATH> Aaaahahahaha just had the best coding WTF moment ever
<DEATH> Better than cat-on-keyboard ones
<DEATH> Macbook suddenly started forcibly going to sleep in mid-work
<DEATH> Turns out, I was writing a debug routine with a thread sleeping + polling for a condition every 1 second, used Sleep(1000) which I *do* have declared somewhere as doing the same thing as on Windows, but forgot that the module I was doing this shit in was .m and therefore Obj-C without C++, which was calling some fucking implicitly declared C function instead of my thing, and putting the machine
<DEATH> to sleep.
<Case> nice
<zao> :D
<DEATH> So, if you accidentally copy Windows style Sleep(somenumber) to mac, in pure C mode rather than C++, it's going to put the machine to sleep.
<DEATH> And I thought I just broke the mac for a moment.
<DEATH> As amusing as a goatse sighting at 5 AM.
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