QDB: Latest Approved Quotes

#310642

Wed, 20 Nov 2019 14:48:05 0

<muskets> to be tonic water all you NEED is water, bubbles and quinine <muskets> and then usually you put lots of gin in it <muskets> it's a british thing because it was medicine but we mixed it with booze to make it taste less awful <muskets> and then we decided we LIKED it <muskets> and now we drink it entirely because we want to <kerin> this is also the story behind gin but in reverse <kerin> alcohol was supposed to cure a lot of what ails ye <kerin> but distilled grain alcohol kind of sucks to drink, so hey let's add some mother fucking juniper <kerin> alright this is rad, i can't wait to get diagnosed with something so i can drink it all fucking day <kerin> etc <kerin> so really the gin and tonic brings the story full circle in a beautiful way <muskets> yeah <muskets> the main difference is that the original tonic water WORKED <muskets> it was malaria prophylaxis <kerin> well, gin worked if your problem was the horror of being trapped in pre-industrial europe <kerin> it's about the only thing that did <catplanet> ROFL

#302178

Sat, 16 Nov 2019 18:03:40 0

<Ironholds> "Lady Almeria Braddock felt insulted by Mrs Elphinstone and challenged her to a duel in London's Hyde Park after their genteel conversation turned to the subject of Lady Almeria's true age. The ladies first exchanged pistol shots in which Lady Almeria's hat was damaged. They then continued with swords until Mrs. Elphinstone received a wound to her arm and agreed to write Lady Almeria an apology." <Dragonfly6-7> "Please excuse the handwriting, as my arm was mutilated when some cow slashed at it with a sword."

#311479

Sat, 16 Nov 2019 18:03:40 0

<CapnBeeb> cripes <CapnBeeb> my dad is asking how to disable an adblocker <CapnBeeb> on a fucking XP machine <CapnBeeb> YOU DON'T <CapnBeeb> EVER

#307472

Sat, 16 Nov 2019 18:03:40 0

<Jessica_Lily> yeh i gave my mac a drink of cider <Jessica_Lily> turned out not to like it <Jessica_Lily> keyboard, hdd and trackpad stopped working <moylan1> ironic that a mac can't handle apple juice?

#311208

Sat, 16 Nov 2019 18:03:40 0

<t12> my dad wins at potrero hill community meeting aggroness <t12> he went to one and stood up, interrupted <t12> said heres the address of a crackhouse <t12> if you guys dont raid it and shut it down <t12> i'll go to it myself <t12> they're like "those are armed dangerous people!" <t12> he's like "i'm a combat vereran! I've killed thousands of people already" <t12> "if you dont go clean it up you'll find youself in the weird position of protecting crackheads from me" <t12> they did in fact shut the house down

#302407

Fri, 18 Oct 2019 02:52:57 0

<Dustin> Me: "What can I get for you?" <Dustin> Customer: "I want a small popcorn, and don�t try to upsell me a medium!" <Dustin> Me: "Can I interest you in a large then?" <Dustin> Customer: "I want to speak to your manager." Comment: #chatspike on irc.chatspike.net

#305505

Fri, 18 Oct 2019 02:52:57 0

* Now talking on #shakesoda <Karai> I need to stop having very sexual dreams about my sister. <LHoT10820> ... <LHoT10820> What an awesome thing to walk in on. <LHoT10820> Tell me more, Karai. <Karai> rofl <Karai> I had a dream last night <Karai> that I found a new way to make music <Karai> by using a glass soda bottle stuffed in her whowho to control airflow or some shit <Karai> it was WEIRD AS FUCK <Karai> I seriously woke up with the :| face Comment: #shakesoda on Freenode

#311629

Fri, 18 Oct 2019 02:52:57 0

< jayis> yesterday my architect said our base64 encoded username "token" is encrypted and i said it isn't and then he said it is and i said it isnt and then he walked away

#308984

Fri, 18 Oct 2019 02:52:57 0

<tali> They call you TheWatcher? I can guess what you do :P <TheWatcher> Yep, I listen.

#307801

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 17:57:30 0

<Drazhar> someone help me <Drazhar> because I think I went insane <Drazhar> I found something that I agree with Glenn Beck on <Malware> Drazhar <Malware> You are undoubtedly, irrevocably mad. <Drazhar> The radio talk-show host says George Lucas should be "tried for movie crimes" not only for what he has done to a beloved franchise, but also for producing "Red Tails." <Drazhar> George HAS fucked up Star Wars big time <Malware> Now we are both undoubtedly, irrevocably mad. <Malware> Because now I agree with Glenn Beck.

#309169

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 17:57:30 0

<snacky> oh. FUCK you krut <snacky> you are the worst person in the world <snacky> I look forward to viciously murdering you to death a whole lot. <snacky> hmm, that sentence is kind of unclear. I will clarify. <snacky> I will viciously murder you to death a lot, and I also look forward to it. <snacky> it's not that I "look forward a lot" to viciously murdering you to death <krut> you look forward to murdering alot <snacky> the death certificate will list the proximate cause of death as "vicious murder, a lot" <snacky> although if the coroner isn't careful, he might not notice the signs of murder. in this case, he will identify the cause as "severe acute death" <ShyJoe> which becomes chronic death after about a week

#311640

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 17:57:30 0

<whitequark> i used to work with a guy <whitequark> who was working on ruby on rails website <whitequark> in dominican republic <whitequark> and he was doing it exclusively on a mixture of cocaine and amphetamine <whitequark> and i had to refactor his code <whitequark> i literally asked my coworkers to give me an ice pick and an one way ticket to dominican republic as a new year gift <whitequark> unfortunately they refused

#303699

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 17:57:30 0

<William> i just find it strange how life is so much about spending money now on the chance of saving money later <William> we insure everything <William> i have three kinds of home owner's insurange: one to protect me if i lose my job, one to protect the bank if i lose my job, and one to protect me if someone gets hurt on my property <William> same thing for cars <William> also life insurance <William> health, dental, vision <William> it's crazy <William> at some point in order to break even, i'm going to have to start injuring myself on purpose ;-)

#311438

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 17:57:30 0

<ednos> lol, I accidentally started a flame war in work IRC about the gopher protocol <ednos> I fucking love this company Comment: they work at red hat

#300358

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 17:50:31 0

<Fax> en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rapeseed <Fax> because if you write nutrition information labels for a living you need to get your kicks from somewhere <Fax> I'd totally do stuff like "Polyethylene Monosodium Carbonate (Vitamin A, Vitamin B4, Vitamin lol this doesn't even exist I just made it up...but let's see you eat it NOW. Man I can't believe you're even still reading this. Go outside.)" <lolfighter> Vitamin lol DOES exist. <lolfighter> It was an experimental food additive developed in the very late 70s. <lolfighter> By the early 80s a few human experiments had been made. <lolfighter> My mother was strapped for cash, so she participated. <lolfighter> She didn't know she was pregnant at the time. <lolfighter> I was the result. <lolfighter> The records were sealed after that and all research abandoned.

#307327

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 17:50:31 0

<@Rabbi> don't ever forget to live life <@Rabbi> it could be over any moment < Gobina> and hopefully it will be, soon <@Rabbi> for instance right now I'm writing code for an emulated 16 year old game and drinking a bourbon, alone in my apartment <@Rabbi> gotta remember to live

#307291

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 17:50:31 0

[22:25:04] <horrorfax> I want to make a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon. [22:25:39] <oughts> Still, that was a noble attempt. [22:33:04] <horrorfax> I'm not even going to try to top that. [22:33:07] <horrorfax> Well done. [22:33:20] <horrorfax> That's a lie. I tried to top it for seven minutes.

#311357

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 17:50:31 0

<netham45> Bash.org is offline <netham45> But it responds to SSH. <netham45> I tried to log into their SSH as 'ERROR CRITICAL BASH.ORG IS DOWN' in hopes their log management system picks up on the keywords.

#301256

Sun, 15 Sep 2019 17:50:31 0

<Sebas> So today's dinner is leftovers. <Sebas> Problem is, being the greedy fucks we are, we ate all the food yesterday. <Sebas> I'm not entirely sure how my mum plans to make dinner out of nothing.

#309325

Tue, 03 Sep 2019 12:33:23 0

< CoJaBo> Well, found the Gmail April Fools prank- they now force you to use that stupid new compost form >_> < CoJaBo> compose* < yano> hah < CoJaBo> ..actually, yeh, I'm calling it the Compost Form from now on ==DDD

#311061

Tue, 03 Sep 2019 12:33:23 0

<KateLibby> and no, im not iliterate, my parents were married

#303955

Tue, 03 Sep 2019 12:33:23 0

singularity: I don't find alcohol is so much liquid courage singularity: as it is liquid loss of bladder control

#311246

Tue, 03 Sep 2019 12:33:23 0

<MoikeLap> the E7450 was never designed with datacenter work in mind <MoikeLap> apparently they can't withstand the rigors of being jammed under a 4U Sun server and used as a lever to line up rack-mount earholes

#301838

Wed, 12 Jun 2019 10:13:06 0

<@Digga> aaaaand <@Digga> the site's died <@Digga> fucking played <@Sebas`> Rage against the Machine thing? <@Digga> mhmm <@Sebas`> Bummer <@Digga> 120,000 people registered for it <@Digga> and seetickets can't handle it <@Sebas`> Too much raging, not enough machines.

#301289

Wed, 12 Jun 2019 10:13:06 0

<JON> my g/f has a new friend. Cleverbot.com laaaaame =D <KAT> I asked it: How should I lose weight? <JON> Oh? <KAT> And it responded with "With a chainsaw."